A story about how I became good at finding "best friends"

Have you ever experienced a situation where the way people around you look at you suddenly changes, even though you have no idea why?

I have, many, many times.

I wondered if I had done something without realizing it, but that wasn't the case.

Even now, when I look back, it was a gray daily life. However, I believe that it is precisely because of those days that I have the happiness I have now.

The Liar's Scapegoat

Fortunately, I have never experienced the kind of hardship that becomes a police matter, nor have I lost anyone close to me. However, looking back on my life so far, I think I have not been very blessed with people.

No matter what community I belong to, things usually go well at first. However, I have experienced many times that everything is torn apart by "lies" along the way.

It is not me who tells the lies. It is someone specific.

Here, I will collectively call them "Flower Fields." I took this from the "flower-headed" heroines who often appear in isekai romance novels.

The Flower Fields are usually outside the community. They then drag one person down in order to enter a place that has already been established.

It was always me who was chosen as that scapegoat.

In isekai romance novels for women, there exists a heroine who is mocked as having a "flower field for a brain."

Even though she is called a "heroine," she is not the protagonist. She is like a monster who unconsciously (or consciously) destroys communities, hurts people, and takes their place.

That is why I chose this name.

I didn't want to call them heroines because it's frustrating, so maybe I'm a bit mean-spirited for choosing a derogatory term for such characters.

But I think it was an event significant enough to justify feeling that way.

* * * * *

If you have ever been a scapegoat, I am sure this story will ring a bell for you.

But if you have no idea what I am talking about...

Most likely, you are just surrounded by wonderful people.
That is a truly happy thing. I, too, now live a happy life without any "flower fields" around me.

However, there might be someone being used as a "scapegoat" without even realizing it, and a "flower field" could be right by your side. The presence of a "flower field" is very hard to detect. There is a sense of unease that only those who have experienced it can understand.

The other day, when I went to my daughter's elementary school, I saw a "flower field"—I think they were a student in a different grade.
I knew it at a glance.
That reminded me, and I decided to write this essay.

The Story of Kazumi Hanabatake

"Rinka, so you were looking down on us, huh?"

A girl I had been close with since we entered school said this with tears in her eyes.
I was bewildered by something I had absolutely no memory of, and then she said, "I heard it from Kazumi Hanabatake," mentioning the name of a girl I had never even spoken to.

"I thought we were friends... I can't be with you anymore."

From the next day, I was alone.
It was painful, as it felt like everyone was whispering and saying something about me.

The Story of Nina Hanabatake

Something similar happened in another community.

At that time, Nina Hanabatake said in front of everyone, with clear eyes and an indignant look, "Rinka-chan said that Gyaru-ko-chan is an idiot."

I was so surprised I couldn't even speak.

Gyaru-ko is a cat-like beauty with a sharp vibe. She was athletic, and her fearless personality was cool, too. She broke school rules by dyeing her hair and wearing her skirt extremely short.
From my perspective as a plain, studious girl, I only felt pure admiration for her.

I had never even thought of her as an idiot.

Moreover, up until then, I had hardly ever spoken to Nina Hanabatake. It was practically zero. So, it was obvious that I hadn't even said anything that could have caused a misunderstanding.

I was blamed relentlessly.
From the next day on, everyone started ignoring me.

I understand the feelings of the "villainess" in isekai romance novels very well.
It's all about who speaks first.

Everyone is so pure that they never imagine the other person might be lying.

At that time, along with the sadness, I blamed myself for not having built a relationship strong enough to be believed.

But the next time.
I couldn't see through Michiyo Hanabatake's lie.

The story of Michiyo Hanabatake

Sacchan and I went to the same cram school and had been close friends since before we entered school.
We were always together and talked a lot.

Conversely, I didn't like Michiyo Hanabatake.
I had felt a sense of discomfort with her from the moment we first met, as she had inserted herself between us halfway through.

I disliked her habit of saying "you should just die lol" with a straight face while only relaxing her mouth, regarding everything.

However, she was pleasant to others.
I got a disjointed impression of her.

"Something about her is unpleasant."

I thought that, but I spent my days telling myself that I shouldn't have such bad feelings toward someone I had barely even spoken to.

I can't remember what triggered it, or any of the detailed circumstances at that time.

Perhaps my heart rejected it out of self-loathing.
I was called out by Michiyo Hanabatake and told that Sacchan hated me and was joining other classmates in bad-mouthing me.

I cannot recall the scene at all.

The next memory is the scene where I face Sacchan.

I don't know why, but I believed Michiyo Hanabatake's lies and told Sacchan to her face something like, "I had no idea you were saying things like that, that's terrible."

Even though I had suffered so much from not being believed myself.

My own sins aside, I don't know if the future would have changed even if I had believed Sacchan. Sacchan didn't argue back; she just looked at me with cold eyes.

By that time, Michiyo Hanabatake had already set her trap.

From the next day on, I was alone. When I greeted people, they all looked away. I felt like I couldn't find a place to put down the hand I had started to raise, and my fingertips felt like they were going numb with cold.

It seems that on the same day, a rumor spread among Sacchan and the other classmates that "Rinka is badmouthing everyone." The fight with Sacchan made it seem more credible. Of course, the source was Michiyo Hanabatake.

A year later, I apologized to Sacchan.

By then, Michiyo Hanabatake was isolated. That's why I was optimistic. Maybe Sacchan realized her lies too. Maybe she might forgive me, I thought.

Even though apologizing was nothing more than my own self-satisfaction.

I sent an email. Of course, there was no reply.

I still regret sending that email even now.

It was nothing more than self-preservation, and I might have hurt Sacchan even more. Of course, I felt sorry. But I'm sure the only reason I dared to convey that was because I wanted to feel relieved myself, nothing more.

It's truly embarrassing.

Even after that, although there were times we ended up as partners during training camps and such, Sacchan thoroughly continued to ignore me.

* * * * *

Actually, Gyaru-ko and I had reconciled. Gyaru-ko apologized to me, and I accepted it. Because I had liked and respected Gyaru-ko from the beginning. I was just sad that she didn't believe me.

In the first place, it wasn't Gal-ko who led the isolation. It was the "sense of justice" of those around us.
That's why, about two years later, there were no hard feelings, and we even continued to interact after we became adults...

I selfishly assumed that I could have that kind of relationship with Sacchan, too.

I have a sin. I didn't believe in a friend who was precious to me, and I hurt her. Given my personality, I can't really imagine myself getting terribly angry, but since my memory isn't perfect, I might have made her feel much, much worse than I think.

And so, I never saw Sacchan smile at me again. If we were to meet somewhere again, and she looked at me with those cold eyes... Even though it would be my own fault, I think I would probably be unable to recover even now.

* * * * *

Michiyo Hanabatake, who had become alone, came to try and join the new group I had settled into.

She acted as if nothing had happened. For a while, she had been saying bad things about me so that I would hear them. Like a crescent moon forming an arc, she would curve her thin lips into a smirk and say, "I wish you would just die."

And yet, she was unfailingly kind to me. It was a kindness that made me think that everything up until now might have been a misunderstanding, a delusion of mine.

I had also reconciled with Nina Hanabatake, so I was on the verge of being swayed, but a helping hand was extended to me.

A classmate whispered to me in secret. That she was creating a secret website.

She sent me the URL, and when I saw it, the blood drained from my face.
On the day I returned from my trip, it was written, "I wish Rinka's plane had crashed and she had died." I happened to meet Michiyo Hanabatake at the station that day.

That site had been discovered by other classmates as well.

I suppose Michiyo Hanabatake's true colors had become widely known.

I was able to interact with people other than Sacchan as I had before. But I never became deeply close with anyone, and I never get invited to things like class reunions.

Anxieties and Realities of "Mom Friends"

When I was about to have a child, there was one thing I was anxious about besides raising the child.
That was the existence of "mom friends." I had seen dramas and manga about bullying among mom friends, and although I hadn't seen the content, I was feeling anxious for no reason.

Up until now, I have never spent time without being isolated.
There were many Hanabatakes. Thanks to the sense of smell I cultivated because of Michiyo Hanabatake, things haven't reached a critical point since then.

But the emotional scars were deep.

I was so scared that I wrote on Twitter that I was anxious about making mom friends, and more people than I expected sent me messages. There were many different ways of thinking.

Things like saying it's okay to be alone.
Things like saying it's surprisingly fun.

What stuck with me the most was the idea that "even though there are unpleasant people, I was able to meet people I could be best friends with, not just people my child gets along with."

* * * * *

In reality, once it started, my worries were unfounded. At the children's center I started attending with trepidation, my circle of mom friends grew little by little.
When I was in my first year as a mom, I didn't know how to close the distance, so I couldn't easily exchange contact information.

Of course, it's not that there were zero unpleasant people, but fortunately, I didn't have to encounter the Hanabatake sisters.
Or perhaps I should say I had the ability to avoid them.

During the three years I spent at a children's center in Tokyo, I was never isolated.
Before I moved, many people gave me gifts. Some even cried for me.
There was even a mom who came to my house on the day of the move to see me off.

I am now in my fifth year as a kindergarten mom.
When I enter the classroom for class observations, I make eye contact with various people, and they wave at me with huge smiles, which makes me feel at ease.

"Ricchan, let's go to that new cafe sometime."
A mom seven years younger than me says. It makes me happy that she doesn't just wait for me to invite her, but invites me and makes it happen.

"Ricchan, you look cute today too."
A mom eight years older than me tells me that every time we meet. Since Michiyo Hanabatake always used to criticize my appearance, while I find it hard to believe—even though I've done my best to enhance it with makeup—it makes me happy and shy.

"Ricchan, here is a souvenir for you."
A mom of the same age comes to my house to deliver it. I am moved that she goes out of her way to spare time for me.

The number of mom friends I can talk to easily is probably over 30 now. That's about the size of one class.

Every time someone speaks to me kindly, I feel so happy I could cry. Even casual conversation is a source of happiness.

A story about how I became good at finding best friends

The Hanabatakes have something in common, though it's vague.
It's not something that can be put into words; it's closer to pure intuition.

If I had to force it into words, it would be that they have a lot of "shoulds," they make you feel looked down upon, and they don't listen to what people are saying.

There were times when I thought that perhaps they weren't lying. Maybe they just weren't listening, and were conveniently piecing things together in their own heads...?

Thanks to the hardships I've endured, I've developed a sensor. Upon first meeting someone, I've become better at identifying not just those who are naive, but also those who are incompatible with me.

The accuracy isn't that high.

That's because there are cases where the other person is simply shy and comes across as unpleasant due to nervousness.
Therefore, I can't say for sure that I have the "ability to identify people I don't get along with."

However, I have become good at "finding best friends."

I have over 30 mom friends, and while I can talk happily with all of them, I don't end up hanging out with every single one of them individually.
Even among them, I have indeed made some "especially close friends."

This is also just intuition, but there are, in a way, certain tendencies.

They are laid-back, a bit shy, but once they open up, they invite me out a lot. They are people who like crafting or photography, and enjoy researching various things.

With moms who have personalities that are compatible with mine, I have a conviction after talking just a few times that "I will surely be able to get along with this person for a long time."

* * * * *

One Sunday.

Early in the morning, a mom friend came to pick me up at my house.
I rode in the back seat, and we all went on a little trip with the children.

We can talk naturally without being overly considerate of each other.
We look at the same things and laugh about how fun they are. On the drive home, the children get tired and fall asleep, and it finally becomes mom-chat time. After we get home, we share the day's photos with each other on LINE.

There are days like that a few times a month.

It's not a relationship where we are stuck together all the time like in our student days, hanging out frequently, or having sleepovers. Even so, I secretly think of her, who is much younger than me, as my best friend in my heart.

Even if Natsumi Hanabata were to appear, I am certain that at least a few people would believe me.
I have the confidence that I have built relationships strong enough to be sure of that.

If someone were to name a close mom friend and tell me, "She was badmouthing you, Rinka-san," I am certain that, as I am now, I would absolutely be able to let it slide.

▼ Click here for my profile. Currently accepting work inquiries.

▼ My recent favorite articles

* * * * *

↑ A chronicle of my struggle to learn to love the place where I live now.

↑ A "Good Couples Day" essay with an unsettling title.

↑ Searching for a missing squirrel. Recipe included.