Rather than self-evaluation, 'self-congruence' without lies

▶ Rather than "self-evaluation,"
　Confirming where you are right now

In the world of coaching and self-help,
there are times when affirming the status quo is discouraged,
saying "you must not be satisfied with who you are now."

Saying, "Let's live as the ideal self of the future you have envisioned."

Every time I encountered those words,
I felt a rough sense of discomfort,
as if I were leaving a part of myself behind somewhere.

Was "looking at and feeling who I am now"
something bad to do?

For example,
"I couldn't upload an article today, but I was able to read through a research paper."
"I was able to upload an article today. I was able to deliver it to my readers. Good job, me."
Even regarding daily actions like these and the feelings at that time,
"Wait? Does this mean I'm satisfied with the status quo? Is that a bad thing?"

Perhaps it is because thoughts like that
had started to come to mind.

But originally,
"looking at who I am now"
is by no means
resigning oneself to "staying stagnant as I am."

I think it is a more fundamental and more urgent
story of "congruence with oneself."

By the way, the concept of "self-congruence"
was proposed by psychologist Carl Rogers,
but I am interpreting it in my own way, closer to my current sensibilities.

▶ Self-congruence means "having no lies"

"Self-congruence," in a word,
is "a state of being honest with your own feelings."

In other words, it is a state where your feelings, behavior, and experiences
are in agreement.

The opposite is "self-incongruence."
This is a state where there is a gap between what you actually feel,
what you think in your head,
or your perception of "how things should be."

・You actually feel uncomfortable.
　But you convince yourself that "this is a sign of growth."

・You are actually at a standstill.
　But you encourage yourself, saying "if I raise my efficacy, I should be able to move."

・You actually feel "good job."
　Yet, you deny it, saying "this isn't enough."

When these small lies and discrepancies pile up,
your heart becomes fragmented,
and in serious cases, you may even fall into
a feeling of self-division.

What you truly desire,
which feelings are real...

It becomes as if covered in fog, and you lose sight of it.

▶ The difference between "affirming the status quo" and "self-congruence"

What is easily confused here is
the difference between "acknowledging your current self: self-congruence" and
"it's fine as it is: maintaining the status quo."

The reason why affirming the status quo is considered a no-go in coaching is
because feeling comfortable with the status quo
= causes the brain to judge that there is no need for change.

It means you are creating a situation
where change and action are likely to stall.

But trying to jump into the future
while ignoring your "current" feelings

is like looking at a map of the destination area
without knowing your current location.

"Right now, I am not convinced by this"
"Right now, even if it's small, I feel happy about the results I achieved"

Acknowledging this "honest current location"
is not stagnation.

Rather, it is precisely because you firmly plant your feet in that current location
that you can put your weight into the next step.

I believe that is the feeling of "self-congruence."

▶Become your own person who understands you

In this modern age where time performance and cost performance are emphasized,
we tend to carelessly overlook "discomfort"
as if it were "something trivial."

That is precisely why,
before you rush to label that discomfort as a "sign of growth"
and process it away,

first,
try accepting it just as it is, saying, "Oh, I am feeling discomfort here right now."
Accept it in its original form.

Saying, "There is something bothering me. I wonder what it is."

Do not lie to your own senses.
It might just be your imagination, but
there was something that was bothering you. Just
keeping it in mind, even just a little, is enough.

With just that, the division within your heart will begin to settle little by little,
and where you want to head
will become visible with a certain sense of reality.

Self-congruence
is not a tool for evaluating yourself highly.
I believe it is the most sincere attitude
for continuing to be your own best person who understands you.

Thank you for reading this article
to the end.

See you again.

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When you need to, please reach out from here.

Other articles are also organized by theme according to their feel.
There might be something that resonates with where you are right now.
Please take a look here.
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