Child-rearing that ended before I knew it, and the day when I will eventually let go of their hand
Thank you for finding this article among the many on note. I am Pino, a physical therapist of 10 years, now working as a chiropractor, living with my husband, my 7-year-old child, and a rabbit.
Last time, I wrote about the day I went shopping holding my daughter's hand.
It was a story about how, when I realized I was in a hurry and slowed my pace, the scenery I saw changed.
Someone who read that article commented, 'The way I see the ordinary time spent holding my daughter's hand has changed, and I want to read the continuation.'
I have been thinking about those words for a long time, and I suddenly remembered something.
The time I spend holding my daughter's hand will also, in fact, end someday.
It ended before I even realized it
Looking back, there were many things in child-rearing that didn't have a day where they 'ended today'.
Diapers were like that, too.
When my daughter was small, every time I passed by the diaper section at the supermarket, I would think about the stock at home and just think, 'It looks like I don't need to buy any today.'
Every time she successfully used the toilet, I would tell her, 'Great job,' without ever thinking about what would come after that accumulation of moments.
One day, while I was cleaning the house, I found some diapers that had been left unused.
Seeing them, I realized it for the first time.
'Oh, these won't be used anymore.'I thought.
It ended without me even knowing when it ended.
I felt a little lonely.
On the way home from the graduation ceremony
The time I felt the 'end' more clearly was on the day of my daughter's kindergarten graduation ceremony.
While we were taking commemorative photos, I suddenly looked at the school building and thought, 'I won't be coming here anymore.'
When I was saying goodbye to the teachers, they said, 'Please come visit anytime,' and that was when I realized,
'I see, from now on, I'm not someone who attends, but someone who comes to visit.'
Picking up and dropping off a small child was full of things that didn't go as planned.
She would cry that she didn't want to go, or just when I thought she had finally gotten used to it, she would get hurt and I would be called to pick her up. The memories that I thought were difficult at the time have all turned into something precious when I look back.
I was relieved that she graduated safely, and I was truly happy that she had grown. And yet,'I don't have to do the drop-offs and pick-ups anymore,'I felt a little lonely when I thought that.
I still remember well the way home after the graduation ceremony, when the three of us—my husband, my daughter, and I—walked home together.
The time spent holding hands also changes its form little by little
My daughter still takes my hand on her own because she wants to hold it.
But compared to when she was in kindergarten, the time we spend together is gradually decreasing.
Recently, my daughter started using the swimming bus to go to swimming lessons. It's because she said she 'wanted to ride it.'
Until now, I would drive her, watch her practice through the glass, and come home together. It was just time spent watching, but I certainly had the feeling of being by her side and watching over her.
Since she started using the bus, that time is gone.
I am grateful that she can go by herself, and I am happy to feel her growth. But at the same time, I also realize that the time I spend interacting with my daughter will continue to decrease little by little like this.
I think that walking while holding hands will surely end in the same way—not on a specific day, but quietly, before I even notice it.
Loneliness and affection probably come from the same place.
Looking back, there were many parts of child-rearing that ended before I even realized it. That is precisely why I have gradually come to think, “Because I know it will end, this moment is precious.”I have come to feel this more and more.
In the midst of busy days, there are times when days pass by without me being able to feel the present.
Even so, I realized later that things like diaper changes and graduating from preschool were such precious times.
If that is the case, then this hand I am holding now must be the same.
Because I cannot see the end, it may look like just another ordinary day, but in reality, today is a day that will never come back again.
If today is happy, then the future will surely be okay.
I was once taught by someone dear to me that “if you are happy now, you will be happy in the future.” That phrase has stayed in my heart ever since.
Being able to walk holding my daughter's hand today.
I think that alone is enough to be happy.
It doesn't have to be a special day.
If there was happiness in an ordinary day, then every second that follows will surely be just as okay..
I think there will come a day when I will let go of this hand.
When that time comes, I am sure I will feel lonely, and just as much, I will feel affection.
That is why today, I want to feel the warmth of our joined hands for just a little bit longer.
Thank you for reading until the end.
If you felt like, “I understand this,” it would be a great encouragement if you could give me a like or follow. Please feel free to leave a comment as well.
I also make LINE stickers. Please take a look if you would like.
📚 Recommended reading 👇
⭐ Why was I always in such a hurry, even though I was just walking holding my daughter's hand?
⭐ Growth seen through a child's drawing. Thoughts after comparing a 3-year-old's portrait with a current drawing.
⭐ The power of the palm. What I believe in, whether in rehabilitation, chiropractic, or child-rearing.
【Qualifications/Background】
Physical Therapist (10 years of clinical experience)
Certified Respiratory Therapist (3-Society Joint Certification)
Completed Bobath Adult Advanced Course
Completed Bobath Pediatric Basic Course
Chiropractor
#DailyLife #ParentingMom #GrowthRecord #LonelinessOfChildRearing #ParentChildTime #SoloParenting #SelfCare #PhysicalTherapist #Chiropractic #BelovedDailyLife