“note and I” — A Documentary of a Clumsy Zookeeper’s Current Location

A collaborative magazine project for the “Revenue Lab” run by LaLaLa.
Faced with the theme of this issue, “note and I,” my hands, which had been resting on the keyboard, suddenly stopped.

Well, it’s not like I have the luxury to stop. Looking back at my recent self, between handling TV broadcasts in May, creating Gantt charts for the “Cowshed Theater” in September, studying for the Bookkeeping Level 3 exam, and now preparing for a marathon, my brain has been running at full capacity constantly. (Or rather, I think to myself, isn’t this completely over capacity? Why do I keep taking on task after task... am I a masochist?)

But perhaps that is exactly why it’s not a bad idea to think about “note and I” at this moment. As a way to organize my thoughts, I’d like to provide a live broadcast of what’s currently going on inside my brain.

For me, the place called note seems to have three major meanings.

1. A “pacer” for achieving gritty goals

For me, the first role of note is definitely that of a “pacer.”

I want to create picture books as “Pagu-Papan.” I want to convey the reality of life, loss, and animals. Although I say that with enthusiasm, reality is never that sweet. I tend to try to overcome daily tasks with sheer willpower in the name of “effort,” but I am a person who wants to solve things through “systematization” as much as possible. While I talk about KPIs and KGIs with a serious face, if I’m being honest, I’ve been searching for “how to avoid getting lost” all along.

note is a pacer that silently listens to my gritty process of achieving goals. (Sometimes when I look back and read my past articles, I blush, thinking, “Wow, I was really panicking back then,” but even that serves as a good pacer.)

2. A “third space” to take off my titles

And the second. note is my “third space” (a third place).

At the ranch where I work, I act as a zookeeper running around to create animal-first events (although, officially, I have a stiff title like acting manager, I believe my essence is ultimately that of a zookeeper). And when I go home, I am a parent to two children in the second and fifth grades, and a husband who seriously discusses with his wife, “How should we reform the household budget this year?” or “What should we do about that air conditioner?”

I have many roles. (And it’s troublesome because I can’t cut corners on any of them!)

In the midst of all that, I feel like I can take off all my titles the moment I open note. Not a zookeeper, not a parent. A place where I can return to being just “a human being who is a bit clumsy but struggling to give shape to something.” I think it is very beneficial for my mental health to have a place where I can openly disclose this “flawed” self.

3. A stage for a documentary that intersects with others

Finally, the third: note as a place to “encounter the thoughts of others.”

I write down my thoughts, daily failures, and struggles here as if it were a documentary. But it never ends as a monologue. When I swim in the sea of note, I bump into someone else’s “real documentary.” People in completely different circumstances from me are worrying about something, struggling, learning, and still trying to move forward just like me.

Every time I encounter such thoughts from others, I gain insights on my own and learn on my own, thinking, “Ah, I’m not the only one.” (It’s really a story of how much I rely on others, but this organic connection is comfortable.)

By letting my thought process flow like this, the relationship between me and note has become clear.

It is a pacer that runs with me toward my goals, a third space where I can relax and catch my breath, and a documentary stage where I intersect with someone else’s life and learn.

Yeah, not bad.

Alright, I suppose that’s where my thoughts are currently at for today. Well then... enough wallowing in sentimentality; it’s time to get back to preparing for the cow shed theater. (Oh, and I have to check the children’s reading practice before that... reality really doesn’t wait for anyone!)

Here are the articles from the other members of this “Revenue Lab” collaborative magazine.
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