Does saying "I get it!" cause misunderstandings? The difference between "sympathy" and "empathy" needed to improve listening skills
This time, it is Communication Supporters R.
In communication training, we practice the skill of "listening" to what others have to say.
Today, I would like to write about one of the key points for improving your "listening" skills.
Two elements necessary for "listening" skills
I believe that in order to "listen to someone," both mindset and skills are necessary.
Skills like nodding, backchanneling, and summarizing are relatively easy to acquire with practice.
On the other hand, mindset—in other words, your attitude and way of thinking—is something I feel takes time to develop.
The first thing to convey regarding that mindset is to prioritize "empathy over sympathy".
Although they are easily confused, sympathy means "agreeing with an opinion," while empathy means "being close to what the other person is feeling."
What it means to receive with sympathy
For example, consider this conversation.
M: "There's a work drinking party today, and I have to ask my husband to take care of the kids and things, and I always turn them down, so I'm going today, but... it's just kind of tough."
K: "I get it! That's tough, isn't it?"
This is sympathy.
Sometimes "I get it!" can create a sense of security, but when it comes to "active listening," which means carefully understanding the other person's feelings, it is also something to be careful about.
This is because, without realizing it, the conversation can shift toward your own experiences or advice.
K: "I get it! You don't have to force yourself to go to a drinking party! If you can't say no, should I tell them for you?"
M: (Inner voice) ...No, I know that. I'm the one who turns them down every time...
K: "I get it! But they are your husband's children too, so you don't have to carry it all by yourself!"
M: (Inner voice) ...No, I know that. My husband is watching them today, after all...
This leads to M feeling, "That's not it," or "They don't really understand me."
What is empathy?
Empathy means being close to "how that person feels" and feeling or thinking about things from their perspective.
It starts by accepting, "I see, so that's how you feel." By doing this, you can ask, "What does that mean?" or "Since you feel that way, does that mean you also find this difficult?" while staying close to the other person's feelings, allowing you to deeply understand
what they really want to say
.Sympathy can only be practiced between people who share the same opinion, but
empathy can be used even with people who have different opinions. It broadens the scope of your communication.
A small postscript
But you know, there are times when sympathy is good, too.
When something unpleasant happens and you confide in a close friend by saying, "Listen to this!", it can feel refreshing to hear them say, "I get it!"
Sometimes it feels reassuring to be with like-minded people.
It's not about which is good or bad, but about being conscious of which one to use in which situation.
Thank you for reading until the end.
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