【Human Resource Development and Organizational Theory】 Pride Makes People Small

This is a story from when my child was in elementary school and studying for middle school entrance exams.

He was struggling because he couldn't solve a specific math problem.
He was clearly using a strange method, so
when I taught him how to do it, my son snapped at me.
He declared that he wouldn't talk to me and ignored me.

To prove that his method was correct, my child
brought over a note where he had written down the cram school teacher's method.

The note was something the child had written down from the teacher's method, but
the note itself was incorrect.
I pointed that out, but my child refused to admit his mistake
and kept getting angry at me.
He insisted that the teacher couldn't possibly be wrong.

Later, the correct answers to the problems were distributed at the cram school,
and it was eventually proven that my point was correct.
Even so, my child remained fixated for a long time
on the idea that he had been right.

There was no real harm done. My child mastered the problem later on.

However, the family was quite exhausted from dealing with our son psychologically.

People don't always get angry just because their mistakes are pointed out.

They get angry when someone they thought knew less than them
points out a mistake in their area of expertise.

To my son, I was an outsider in that field.
He had his judgment error pointed out by that outsider.

I think he just couldn't stand that.

More than the mistake itself,
I think the feeling of having lost was more painful for him.

This structure is not limited to children.

Adults do the same thing.

I once pointed out a work judgment error to a grown subordinate
in a field he was confident in.
He snapped at me, got angry, and ignored my explanation entirely.
Later, he brought me an explanation to justify that his judgment was correct
and tried to convince me.

It was exactly the same as my son.

That subordinate has absolute confidence
in the work he is good at.
He is the king in that domain.

He has knowledge. He has experience. He can notice things faster than others.
In that space, he can confirm his own value.

He shuts himself in a small place,
desperately protecting it
so that no criticism comes from the outside and he doesn't lose.

That is why he reacts with abnormal sensitivity
to having his kingly pride
wounded.

They lack true self-confidence and live by overextending themselves.
Their only support is confidence in a specific field.
Having that undermined is the most painful thing for them.
That is why they defend it desperately.

Conversely, they do not react much to criticism in fields they are not familiar with.
That is because there is nothing there to protect in the first place.

That subordinate causes similar problems about once a year.

The reason they repeat the same problem is that they do not think they are at fault.
They likely think, or try to convince themselves, that the problem always lies with those around them.

The reason they cannot notice their own problems is that they cannot maintain their pride if they do.

I might have been wrong.
I might not be as excellent as I thought.
It might have been my fault.

Admitting that is also destroying what they have been protecting.

Growth is not just about increasing knowledge and skills.

It is also about learning that admitting you were wrong does not mean losing your value.

However, there are people who cannot grasp that feeling.

They are a reliable presence when it comes to the work they are good at.
They demonstrate their strengths when playing a supporting role, noticing the fine details beside a leader.
That is the kind of person they are. That is their strength and their way of life.

However, they do not try to expand beyond that.

If they step into a new field, they become a beginner again.
They also have to take the side of being taught by others.
They probably cannot stand not being the king there.

However, because they choose to remain a king in a small place, they will never broaden their horizons.
The synergy with their area of expertise, which they worked so hard for, will not occur.
They will also rarely come up with proposals that address the specific needs of customers.

Eventually, they will hit a ceiling in situations that cannot be overcome by their area of expertise alone.

Friends, bosses, subordinates, colleagues, business partners, parents, children.

I have seen many people, but people do not change as much as you might think.
I think it is not that they cannot change, but that they do not change.

To change, one must destroy what they have protected until now.

There are people for whom protecting their own pride is far more important than growing.

Those people remain in a small place to protect themselves.

And you can be a king in that place.

However, that way of life has a ceiling.

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