English Composition Correction is the Secret to English Learning Instruction: Examples of Japanese-to-English Composition Lessons 3

The following are some of the assignments and correction examples from the "Japanese-to-English Composition" group lessons I used to conduct at the "Naruse Juku" school.

Student Z has already acquired a considerable level of basic grammar and English composition skills. Based on this, I will point out two major learning challenges here. One is the issue of English sentence construction, and the other is the issue of English essay structure (and the Japanese text that serves as its basis).

However, tackling these two major challenges at once can lead to confusion among students and reduce learning efficiency.

Therefore, as a coach, after pointing out these two things, I will first focus my coaching solely on the issue of English sentence construction.

If you do not establish such a coaching strategy firmly, your efforts in instruction will not be effective. If that happens, the efforts of both the person receiving the coaching and the person providing it will not bear fruit.

"Less is more," and "Step by step, steadily." These are the iron rules of coaching.

☆☆☆

(Japanese text written by student Z)
【My favorite Japanese herb, Aojiso】
Shiso, which is said to have been introduced from China, began to be cultivated in earnest during the Heian period.
When you bite it as is, you feel a strong flavor that is on the verge of being harsh. It is very nutritious and contains carotene, vitamin B2, calcium, potassium, and iron. Also, the refreshing aroma component, perillaldehyde, has a high antioxidant effect and a strong antiseptic effect, which works to prevent food poisoning. It is also said to be effective for hay fever.
Its refreshing and unique scent reminds me of a samurai. If I were to put it into words, I would call it a "pure and dignified scent."It is hardy and easy to grow, but because it is also liked by insects, it is difficult to harvest leaves in perfect condition. It is my secret ambition to buy a large amount of Aojiso someday and make shiso paste.

(English text written by student Z)
【my favorite Japanese herb, aojiso】
People started growing Japanese green mint or aojiso from the Heian period in earnest. It is believed to have come from China.
When you bite it, you will feel a strong flavor very similar to harshness. It is very nutritious, contains carotene, vitamin b2, calcium, potassium and iron. Also, the refreshing aroma of aojiso comes from perillaldehyde which has a strong antioxidant effect and antiseptic one. This fragrant component helps to prevent food poisoning. Moreover, aojiso is said to be effective for hay fever.
It's fresh, distinctive scent reminds me of samurai. To put it into words, It's "pure bouquet".
It's strong and easy to grow, but easily eaten by insects. So it is difficult to harvest perfect leaves.
It's my secret ambition to buy a lot of aojiso and make aojiso paste someday.

(Naruse's check manuscript)

(Naruse's reference English)
Aojiso, my favorite Japanese herb
Aojiso (a Japanese green mint), reportedly coming from China, has been cultivated in Japan since the Heian period (8th century to 12th century).
When you bite Aojiso, you have a kind of uniquely savory flavor, which is close to a bitter taste. The herb is very nutritious, containing carotene, vitamin B2, calcium, potassium and iron. The refreshing aroma, arising from one of its ingredients, perillaldehyde, has a strong antioxidant and antiseptic effect. With its effect, it can prevent food poisoning. Also, it can be effective for the prevention against hay fever.
Its fresh and distinctive scent reminds me of the image of Japanese samurai.
The herb is strong and easy to grow, but is easily eaten by insects. So, it is difficult for us to harvest its perfect leaves.
My secret ambition is that I buy a lot of Aojiso to make Aojiso paste.