18. An Ordinary Diary [Into the Mist, 5 Times Left]

In the morning, I wake up, leave my family in bed, and head to the living room alone.

It is 4 o'clock.

The room has neither the heater nor the air conditioner on, and the air is chilly.

Looking out the window, a landscape dyed in ultramarine spreads out.

The rice fields around the house have finished being planted, and the warm water vapor meets the cold morning air, wrapping everything in a gentle mist.

I'll be leaving soon anyway.

I decided to embrace this damp, cold air.

Today, I'll hurry a little and go see if the wild roses are still blooming.

Thinking that, I sprinkle ochazuke seasoning over my rice and pour hot water over it.

Sitting in a chair, a meal for one.

I actually didn't dislike this time.

Because there is almost no time when I can be alone.

As I try to finish my meal quickly, I hear the sound of someone running down the hallway.

The footsteps stop running a few meters before the room door and switch to sneaking.

When the door opens slowly, the four-year-old peeks in timidly through the gap.

"Oh, what's wrong?"

When I called out to her, the four-year-old shyly and anxiously entered the room.

I wonder if she thinks she's going to get scolded?

"Come here."

When I called my daughter, she quietly approached while slightly averting her eyes.

Once she was finally within my reach, I picked her up and sat her on my lap.

The four-year-old was warm, and I hugged her tightly.

"Did you wake up?"

When I asked her that,

"I woke up."

she said.

"Do you want to eat some ochazuke?"

"Yeah."

I scooped up a small amount with chopsticks and fed it to her.

"Is it good?"

"Yeah."

I turned on the air conditioner.

The four-year-old is unusually meek this morning.

(I wonder if she got scolded by Mommy in the bedroom?)

I thought that, but decided it was better not to ask.

"Daddy, I want to play."

I checked the clock, but it didn't look like I had much time.

"Sorry, sweetie, Daddy has to get ready for work. Can you play by yourself?"

When I said that,

"Okay."

she replied.

While I was shaving in the bathroom, my daughter brought over her [First Picture Book 1000] and said,

"Look! My name is inside these letters!"

she told me.

There was a four-letter word written in hiragana, and three of those letters were in her name.

"You're right! That's amazing!"

When I said that, she went back to her room looking happy.

She's learned a few hiragana characters lately.

I have become able to write my own name without looking at anything.

After I finish shaving, I style my hair with wax.

My four-year-old was drawing by herself.

When I entered the room, the four-year-old noticed me and turned toward me with a look full of expectation.

She pointed at the calendar.

"When is the next family day off?"

On the calendar, it says 'Dad' in green and 'Mom' in pink.

That was the sign for our days off as a couple.

It looks like the day Dad and Mom both have off is Sunday the 21st.

I answer.

"Today is Tuesday the 16th, so if you do your best at nursery school for 5 more days including today, Sunday will be our family day off."

Then my daughter,

"Yay!"

she said and laughed.

I laughed because it was a little funny.

Saying '5 more times' feels more like 'still a little while longer' rather than 'just a little bit more'.

After that, my daughter showed me a drawing she had made in her sketchbook.

She had drawn many lines, both vertically and horizontally.

The lines intersected to form a grid of many square boxes, and inside the boxes, numbers were written in order.

This was a handmade calendar.

And here and there on the calendar, my daughter had written her name with a colored pen.

"These are 4-year-old's days off!"

I wished I could just make today a Sunday and take her somewhere.

But I couldn't do that.
Because we have tomorrow.

"Daddy has to go to work soon."

Then, my 4-year-old said,

"I'll see you off!"

And she followed me to the entrance.

"Okay, I'm off.
If you get lonely, go to Mommy's futon."

"Okay."

"Don't go outside by yourself.
A bear might come out, you know."

"Okay."

"Bye-bye, I'm off."

"See you later."

I walk over and get into the car.

As I start the engine and drive off, my daughter puts on her shoes, goes outside, and looks toward me.

I wave.

The 4-year-old waves back.

I turn my gaze forward and look in the rearview mirror.

My daughter is getting smaller.

And then, she disappears from the mirror.

I stop the car and count to ten.

(Did she go inside the entryway properly?)

When I back the car up, the 4-year-old is no longer there, and the front door is closed.

And then, I press the accelerator again.

When I look at the clock, I see I'm two or three minutes later than usual, but

(If I hurry just a little, I'll make it.)

I thought.

Ah.

I forgot to check if the wild roses were blooming.

(Oh well.)

Fog shining white as it diffuses the sunlight.

I head into it.

Let's do our best for the 5 remaining days of nursery school.