The 'Me' Who Was Hard to Handle: That Day I Couldn't Get Hired

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どこにも採用してもらえない
何かダメなの？

Do you fit into
society's mold?

Looking back now, I think.
The reason I didn't fit into
the 'mold' (format)
might have been proof
that I was trying to live as 'me'.

A past where I couldn't fit into 'normal'.

Every time a rejection notice arrived,
I felt my value fading away.

In the past, I
failed dozens of interviews.
I never once received
a job offer
from a single interview.
In fact, my success rate
for document screenings was 0%...

I thought carefully about my resume
and my statement of purpose.
I properly prepared my attire
and my choice of words.
But for some reason, it didn't work out.

I remained unable to understand the reason for a long time.

At one point,
an interviewer told me.

'You are hard to handle.'

.........Ah, so that was it.

I really am a
'misfit' in society.
Somewhere along the line,
I started to think that way.

Even so, there was a part of me
that couldn't accept it.

'The easy-to-handle me'to become,
I swallowed all my emotions and reactions,
but I felt like I was suffocating.

Because in reality,
I am sensitive to the atmosphere, easily hurt
by people's words,
but I can also immediately notice
someone else's pain—
I didn't want to think of that side of myself
as 'bad'.

In this society,
there are many 'molds' (formats).

'This is how you should work'
'If you're a mom, it's natural to do this'
'If you're a woman'
'If you're a man'
'At your age, it's about time'

...Who decided that?

Before I knew it,
the 'me who couldn't live as expected'
had become a 'useless me'.

But is that
really 'useless'?

I
did not fit neatly
into the world's format.

Even so, I am living.
Crying and laughing,
while being saved
by someone's kindness.

The places where I can be myself
are certainly few, but—
they weren't zero.

When I was able to find them,
I was finally able
to breathe.

The reason you don't fit in
isn't because your 'shape' is wrong,
it might just be that the 'mold'
doesn't suit you.

It's not that you are wrong.
The standards around you
simply didn't match
your soft shape.

I had always
wondered 'why is life so hard?',
but that was
the 'strength to try to be myself'.

So, that sense of discomfort you feel
is not wrong.
Rather, I think it is
very honest proof.

I thought there was nowhere
that would tell me,
'It's okay to be just as you are'.

But, little by little—
I met 'people with whom I can be myself',
spent 'time where I can be myself',
and found that 'places where I can be myself'
truly existed in this world.

Perhaps that wasn't in others,
but actually,
within myself all along.

It's fine to be hard to handle.
It's even better not to fit into a mold.

And
surely, somewhere in this world,
there must be a place
that will tell you,
'You are just right as you are'.

'Life is hard' is
'the strength to try to be yourself'

May that become
your greatest pride.

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