[Parenting Essay] #11 That repetition is likely the very way of life for an HSE

"I want to see people, but I often get tired when I do."

For us HSEs (Highly Sensitive Extroverts),

this seems to be a dilemma we have to live with for the rest of our lives.

As a minority, making up about 6% of the total population,

we seek out people due to our extroversion,

and it is said that we gain intense energy charges through those interactions.

However, at the same time,

the sensors of HSP (sensitivity), which about 20% of the population possess, are constantly picking up external stimuli.

Because of this, we carry a very unstable energy balance where "charging" and "depletion" occur simultaneously.

I think the energy source for an HSE is relatively highly dependent on "quality."

While introverted HSPs (about 70% of all HSPs)

can only recharge during quiet "time alone"?

it seems that for us HSEs, our "main" energy source

is "people" themselves.

Certainly,

family you can be yourself with, friends you can trust from the bottom of your heart, and companions who share positive goals,

Through the "high-quality feedback" such as praise, gratitude, and deep empathy received from them,

I do feel a sense of my vitality being dramatically restored.

However, activities that trigger the extroversion switch
end up causing my HSP sensors to run wild.

At a tea party that should have been fun,
I find myself distracted by the subtle changes in an acquaintance's expression,

and on the way home from a lively event,
my energy is drained by the sounds and lights of the crowd.

It seems to me that our daily lives are constantly

being played out on this "tug-of-war between recovery and exhaustion."

However, on the other hand,

I think there are times when we feel like we "want to be alone"
when we are deeply exhausted.

How should we think about this?

Perhaps this reaction itself

is actually something typical of an HSE,

and I believe it is an essential defensive reaction.

For example,

Work that is difficult to find joy in being involved with, or

like time spent with preschool children, which also involves
many unpredictable stimuli,

when the quality is poor or the amount of stimulation is high,
entering 'depletion mode',

the recharging effect of extroversion
ends up being canceled out.

This might seem to deviate from the logic

that we feel, 'I get energized when I meet people,' but
I don't think that's the case.

I don't think that's it at all.

Whether or not we can recharge
through interactions with others

is limited to 'high-quality, moderate interactions'.

To put it extremely,

no matter who you are,
you will be depleted by
'low-quality, excessive interactions'.

However,in the case of us HSEs,

beyond our own control,

I think the range of
'high-quality, moderate interactions'
for us is narrow.

After picking up too much 'noise' from people we don't get along with
or negative emotions at work,

Or perhaps, after being exposed to a constant
"flood of sensory stimulation,"

I believe our sensitive brains
become exhausted to the limit.

At this point, the action we HSEs should take
is likely the same as that of an introverted HSP.

That is, "to shut off all external stimuli (including interaction with people)
in order to completely turn off our sensors."

In other words, it is time to be quietly alone.

Accepting it as an honest sign from your body that
"you are currently so drained that you need extreme recharging,"

without blaming yourself,

it becomes important to prioritize silence.

I think that is what it comes down to.

Intentionally switching to this "extreme recharging mode"
without missing the right timing,

is likely the most important self-defense technique
for living with an HSE body.

When you think, "Ah, I just want to be quiet now,"

find a way to block out external stimuli,
even if only for a short time.

I believe that time is a necessary preparation period
to be able to laugh with someone again.

When you are tired, rest alone,

When your energy returns, you laugh with others again.

That repetition is likely
the HSE way of life.

↓ Other articles that also touch upon the characteristics of (HSS-type) HSE.

↓ I took a look back at my month of posting on note.
If you are engaging with note in your own way but are feeling a bit tired, please give this a read.