Being 'Pleasant' Is Not Enough to Build 'Trust'

"Miyazaki-kun, you're a pleasant guy, but..."
I have heard these words many times.

I am good at interacting with people with a smile. I can quickly break the ice with people I meet for the first time, and it is not uncommon for people to tell me, "You're easy to talk to."

On the other hand, I have disappointed people many times by putting off replies, neglecting to confirm things, or forgetting promises—all through such small, repeated actions.

Every time it happens, I reflect on it, yet I repeat the same mistakes.
"Why can't I change?"
I entered my 30s carrying that question.

"Being pleasant" and "being trusted" are completely different

One day, I caused trouble at work and received some harsh words.
Among them, there is one thing I still cannot forget.

"You're pleasant. But that alone doesn't make you trustworthy."

At the time, I was convinced that "a pleasant person equals a trusted person."
However, that was a huge misunderstanding.

Being pleasant is a first impression.
On the other hand, trust is something born from the daily accumulation of keeping small promises, replying quickly, and fulfilling responsibilities to the end.

Looking back now, the people I used to wonder about, asking myself, "Why is that senior able to close deals?" never had any special talent.

People who attract work were simplypeople who do not make others worry.

Trust is the "accumulation of the obvious"

Since the beginning of this year, I have spent more time thinking about "what is trust?"
And now, I have my own answer.

Trust is not making the other person worry.
・A reply comes.
・Promises are kept.
・What is requested is done to the end.
It may seem obvious, but as this sense of security accumulates, people begin to think, "This person is reliable."

Conversely,
"Will a reply come?"
"Do they really remember?"
"Will they arrive on time?"
You cannot entrust important work to someone who keeps giving others such small anxieties. It is not even about ability; it is because they are "someone you cannot predict will succeed."

Only in my 30s did I finally understand the meaning of that.

The reason I couldn't change

Looking back, I have been warned about the same things since I was young.
・Forgetting to reply.
・Missing confirmations.
Even so, the people around me helped me out.

I am the youngest of three brothers.
There is a significant age gap between me and my older brothers, and they really doted on me since I was small.
So, I think that somewhere inside, I believed, "It will work out in the end."

Previously, someone told me,
"Miyazaki-kun, you're not used to being scolded, are you?"
At first, I didn't understand what that meant.

But now I understand.
It wasn't that I was never scolded.
It was just that the people around me were taking responsibility on my behalf.

Now that I am independent as an insurance salesperson, all that responsibility falls back on me.

What I realized when I was told I 'lack sensitivity'

There was another trigger that changed me.

At a seminar, a teacher told me, 'Miyazaki-kun, you lack sensitivity.' At first, I thought he was talking about artistic sense.

But that wasn't it.
Sensitivity was 'the ability to think deeply about what you feel regarding an event and why you feel that way.'

Even when something unpleasant happened, I would just think, 'Oh well.'
Even when something happy happened, I would just think, 'That's good.'
And that was the end of it.

I didn't dig deep into my emotions, nor did I speak my true feelings.
That's why my self-reflection was shallow, and I kept repeating the same mistakes.
I learned that trust is supported not only by actions but also by the 'depth of facing oneself.'

People who are trusted have different 'preparation'

Recently, I have been learning a lot from Mr. Kosaka, a tax accountant I have been working with.

What is most impressive is his ability to prepare.
He anticipates questions, organizes materials, makes arrangements, and responds quickly.

Watching him work, I feel like he embodies the saying, 'Preparation is 80 percent of the job.'

Until now, I thought, 'If I just do my best when the time comes, I'll manage.'
But true trust is determined not by the actual performance, but by the preparation leading up to it.
That is why the more trusted a person is, the less they make others have to double-check.

The more capable a person is, the busier they are.
The busier a person is, the more they want to reduce the number of times they have to check things.
That is why work gathers around people who make others think, 'I can safely leave this to them.'

I believe this is not a matter of sentiment, but the structure of work.

Change through systems, not through willpower

I have thought many times, 'I will be more careful next time.'

But people forget when they get busy.
When they get tired, replies get delayed.
That is why I recently stopped relying on willpower.
I put appointments into my calendar on the spot.
Even when I cannot reply, I send a quick note saying, 'I will check and get back to you.'
I set deadlines for myself one day early.

These are small things, but this system protects not only myself but also the peace of mind of the other person.

To my future self

This year, I am planning various events in the community.
The old me might have proceeded with the mindset of, 'It will surely work out somehow.'
But this time is different.
・Prepare.
・Confirm.
・Do not put off replies.
Doing the obvious things, one by one, as a matter of course.

I believe that is my own way of being sincere to the people involved and those who participate.

I haven't changed yet.
There will surely be failures in the future as well. Even so, I want to face my weaknesses without looking away and continue to make improvements one by one.

Only after entering my 30s have I finally begun to understand the 'instruction manual' for myself as a person.

Being pleasant creates encounters.
Sincere actions build trust.
And trust is the accumulation of not making the other person worry.

I believe that great opportunities in the future surely lie beyond the accumulation of such casual days.

I, Masaya Miyazaki, will change from here on out!

Insurance Salesman Masaya Miyazaki