How I Stopped Trying to Be a Good Daughter-in-Law and Ended Up Loving My In-Laws

I often hear women say they don't get along with their in-laws and don't want to visit them.

I am no exception; during a date with my now-husband just before we got married, I blurted out, 'I won't be visiting your parents' house or getting involved with your relatives, okay?' which shocked my mild-mannered husband.

And so, this is the story of how I, who had no intention of interacting with my in-laws or my husband's relatives, accidentally ended up loving my in-laws.

After we got married, the first time I was introduced, I just ate meat.

After we registered our marriage, the first time I was introduced to the relatives as the bride of the [Surname] family was at a New Year's dinner.

Since we didn't have a wedding ceremony, that dinner was our first introduction to the relatives. My mother-in-law introduced me to everyone, saying, 'This is [Name]-chan, our new daughter-in-law,' and the pleasant dinner began. The venue was the home of my husband's parents, the main house of the [Surname] family. Perhaps to make a good impression as a daughter-in-law, my mother-in-law kept asking me if I needed help, but I only did the bare minimum and focused entirely on eating meat. That day, we had sukiyaki, and there was high-quality meat (was it Matsusaka beef...?) and Australian beef from Costco. I didn't want to eat the scraps of Australian beef in the pot at the end of the sukiyaki like I was cleaning up leftovers, so I enjoyed the delicious meat while the pot was still clean.

As I sat there eating, a relative said to me, 'A daughter-in-law should help out at times like this.'

I replied, 'Is that so?' with a big smile, while dipping some wilted Chinese cabbage into my egg. Looking back, I get nervous just thinking about it, but at the time, I had a strong feeling that 'the beginning is what matters most.'

My resolve was to 'behave in the way my husband would be expected to behave when my own relatives gather,' so I didn't do anything a typical daughter-in-law would do, other than smile when being hosted and help my husband.

Perhaps, from that very first day, my in-laws and all the relatives must have thought I was a useless daughter-in-law.

Visiting my in-laws while on my way to see friends

Well, even as such a useless daughter-in-law, I wasn't banned and continued to be invited to my in-laws' house.

However, before we had children, visiting my in-laws was incredibly boring. Since they lived a fair distance away, I couldn't just go for the day, and it felt like a waste of money to stay overnight. That's when I had an idea: why not use my in-laws' house as a base to go see my friends? Conveniently, my in-laws lived near the area where I spent my college years, and I had many friends from my student days.

I would visit my in-laws, say hello, and then eagerly prepare to head out again. I'd say, 'I'll be back by the evening,' and quickly step out. After repeating this, my husband and my in-laws got used to it, and they even started asking me who I was going to see. I'm grateful for that.

Since we were visiting as a couple, at least in appearance, it probably looked good to the public.

I'll pass on the family bonding time in front of the TV

I would visit, but I managed to get through it by keeping my time at my in-laws' house as short as possible.

Even so, what I found painful was the family bonding time in front of the TV in the morning and evening. I particularly hate television, and I usually shut it out completely because I don't want to hear any entertainment news or reports on incidents or accidents that have absolutely nothing to do with me.

However, at my in-laws' house, the TV was on all day, and my mother-in-law would bring up those news stories to start a conversation with me. I tried to spend time in the living room to communicate with my parents-in-law while I was there, but since I didn't care about the topics at all, the conversation never flowed, and it was an agonizingly painful time.

It was so painful that from the second year on, I stopped doing that too. I always brought a book when I visited and read in a separate room.

The standard routine at my in-laws' house is for the family to gather around the TV—everyone except the daughter-in-law, that is.

I don't know how they feel about it, but I love my in-laws.

Writing it out like this, I realize I really do whatever I want.

• I don't help out.

• Even when I visit my in-laws, I head out right away and leave the house.

• When I am at the house, I hole up in a room and read books.

I don't know what my in-laws think of me doing whatever I want like this, but at the very least, I like them. If they say they want to see their grandchildren, we visit as a family, and we even invite them on trips once every two years.

Since we get along well enough, perhaps it's better to just do as I please rather than trying to be a good daughter-in-law and ending up hating them.

Note: I have not taken my husband's mental fatigue into consideration.