I Was Fine in a Dilapidated Apartment 31
Synopsis
The new white house I was so proud of is transforming into a trash heap. My father has become an alcoholic, my mother has vanished, and I have been left alone.
---A woman looks back on her past.
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The next day, of course, I didn't go to school. I slept through the entire morning in my chilly futon. I felt like I heard a knock at some point, but I couldn't bring myself to get up.
When I woke up at noon, there were rice balls placed inside my bedroom door. They weren't wrapped in seaweed; they were wrapped in plastic wrap and sitting on a white plate. That simplicity made the whiteness of the rice stand out even more. Two handmade, slightly large rice balls. I can't eat this much, Dad. That's what I thought.
The rice balls my father makes are big. That's because his hands are big. Did he cook rice for me after that happened yesterday? Did he make them into rice balls and leave them for me before he went to work this morning? I felt my father's kindness and reached for one of the rice balls. I chewed each bite thoroughly, savoring the taste. Once I had finished every last grain of rice, I hesitated about whether to start on the other one. I was already full. But it felt like a waste to leave it, and I didn't want to disregard my father's kindness. Even if I couldn't say "the rice balls were delicious" when he got home, I wanted to leave the plate with everything eaten at my father's seat at the dining table.
As I pondered how to eat the remaining rice ball, I remembered eating a rice ball under a cherry tree on the day I followed my father. That day, I had killed time without enjoying the beauty of the cherry blossoms. But looking back, the fluttering cherry blossom petals were indeed beautiful. At the time, I couldn't enjoy their beauty or the taste of the rice ball. Regretting that, I felt an intense urge to eat a rice ball under a cherry tree. Now that students are at school, I wouldn't run into any classmates. I had nothing to do at home, so I thought it would be a good way to kill time. My body, which had felt light since I returned home yesterday, felt like it could easily float out of the house once I crawled out of the futon.
I changed into outdoor clothes and headed for the entrance. I was able to easily push through the trash to get to the entrance. However, once I reached the entrance, I stopped. The shoes that had been neatly lined up yesterday were in the same state I had left them in when I kicked them off yesterday. My desire to go outside withered. But feeling the bulge of the rice ball in the right pocket of my hoodie, I straightened them out myself and put on my shoes.
My destination was decided immediately. It was the park near the dilapidated apartment where my family used to live. It's about a 30-minute walk, but since it's in a different school district, I hadn't gone there to play since we moved to our current house. There should be cherry trees in that park. I remembered that the cherry blossoms in that park, which I saw in my childhood, were also magnificent and beautiful.
The first step after opening the front door felt light. The spring breeze warmly wrapped around the inferiority complex I felt for not being able to go to school today.
To be continued
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