A Long Diary of Days When Nothing Takes Shape No Matter How Much I Write

How many drafts do you end up with before you finish a single article? For me, it's about three.

I usually have about three things I think, 'Oh, I want to write about this today,' and as I write and polish them, they keep getting eliminated in the qualifiers, and the one that remains becomes the article.

Articles I started writing today

・About the 'Tanabata Time Capsule' project by Kotoba-to-san
・'Trying to delete draft 417 entirely'
・'I found joy in life by making myself happy one little thing at a time'
・'I'm declaring it here! I'm breaking up with that guy'

I have four draft titles (and about half the content for each), and I even drew one illustration.

But I'm just not feeling it at all. It's truly a 'day where nothing takes shape' no matter what I do. At times like this...

I just write about that feeling of nothing taking shape.

Writing is difficult, isn't it? Right now, I have tons of ideas in my brain, but my body is busy doing other things, so I can't write.

Or, my body is in a mode where it can focus on writing, but the ideas in my brain won't come together well.

An article only gets finished when both are in perfect harmony. When you think about it, finishing a single article is an amazing thing. Writing something to completion is a miracle that can only happen when your body and brain are in mutual love.

Sigh, everyone living on Note who makes that miracle happen every day. You are truly wonderful. Please praise and celebrate yourselves more.

I'm going to delete my drafts! A loose resolution

By the way, how many drafts do you all have? I had 359 two months ago, but when I checked today, it was 417. An outrageous number.

I'm going to delete them soon. Because that's the mood I'm in. So, I tried to delete some today, but it's like looking back at old photos or flipping through an album, and I haven't been able to delete a single one.

Because, they are fragments of me, right? But, I am going to delete them. Probably soon. I have a strong feeling that if I don't delete this soon, a new wind won't blow through.

The membership I want to start now

I want to run a membership for readers only. (Sorry for saying this over and over.) And, I'm working on various concepts, but I can't execute any of them at all.

Usually, I act as soon as I think of something, but for some reason, with the membership, I just can't get into the mindset of 'let's just try it'.

Why is that? So, I feel like I need to change something within myself. For now, what I started with was the drafts. (No, that shouldn't be what I need to face...)

I was able to find joy in daily life by delighting myself with every little thing

This happened when I didn't have much free time in my life, and I started to really hate doing the cleaning and laundry every day. I started thinking things like, 'Why do I have to repeat this every day until I die?'

So, I reduced my belongings as much as possible so I wouldn't have to do anything. Once I reduced my belongings, my heart felt dry, and then I started wanting some moisture.

I started collecting only the things I liked to replace the things that had gone to zero. As I did that, I gradually became able to clearly understand what 'things I like' really are for me.

Even a single glass is cute. It's not a tumbler, it's just a glass cup, but I like it so much that I want to take it outside and drink from it all the time. That's how much I've found a glass I love.

I realized that liking something makes my heart this rich and happy. It's a feeling I've learned for the first time.

Oh, that's right. The topic was 'Why I was able to find joy in daily life.' When my mood started to lift with every little thing I liked, I felt a strange sensation.

Even the act of putting ice and water into my children's water bottles every day feels somewhat fun.

Actions that I used to do just with the feeling of 'ugh' or 'I have to get this done quickly' have become precious moments, and I've even come to think of them as cherished time. What is this? If that's the case, then everything is already happy.

Perhaps, right now, my heart is incredibly fulfilled. Just, incredibly so. That's why every little casual part of life is so enjoyable.

Even cleaning and housework feel like fun times. My thinking has shifted from 'I can't spend time maintaining things, so I'll use cheap, maintenance-free items' to 'I want to use things I truly cherish, even if they are expensive'.

This is something I didn't realize when I didn't know what my own preferences were. I even thought that things like the "items you want to cherish even if they are expensive" that you often hear about couldn't possibly exist in this world. I thought things were just things, and they were all the same.

When your heart is completely parched, people's emotions dry up too, and you stop feeling anything at all. I used to be like a seed in a desert that couldn't sprout, so dried out that I was on the verge of starving to death.

Now, I'm soaking in a hot spring, with a cup of sake resting on a wooden bucket, feeling plump and hydrated while saying, "What a lovely bath."

Wow, I talked way too much for no reason today because nothing was taking shape.
Well, days like this happen, don't they?

Well then, see you later! I hope you all have a wonderful day too. Thank you for always reading.

I really want to write these kinds of rambling diary entries for my membership too. (Just talking to myself)