To You Who Can Be Kind to Others but Are Only Harsh to Yourself

When a friend makes a mistake, you can naturally say, "It's okay, it happens to everyone."

Yet, when you make the same mistake, you mercilessly blame yourself, saying, "Why can't you even do this?" It's as if you're piling on more pain when you're already feeling down. Why are you so hard on yourself?

Today, this message is for people like you.

── You are truly kind to others

First, just one thing: it's not that you lack kindness.

In fact, you are already kind to others. It's just that, for some reason, that kindness isn't directed at yourself. It's not that you're out of kindness; it's that the supply meant for you has always been cut off.

── When did this harshness toward yourself begin?

"I have no value unless I can do things properly."

Somewhere along the way, you may have made such a contract with yourself. You only forgive yourself when you are useful or when you achieve results. You punish yourself when you fail. That harshness isn't something you were born with; it's something you likely picked up somewhere.

── "Being harsh leads to growth" is only half true

It is often thought that you can grow if you push yourself hard. It might be true that you can move forward in the short term.

However, if you keep blaming yourself, your heart will gradually wither. You become afraid of failure and unable to take on challenges. In the long run, a sense of security takes you further than harshness ever will.

── Try saying to yourself what you would say to a best friend

There is one thing I would like you to try.

If a dear friend made the mistake you made today, what would you say to them? You probably wouldn't blame them. Try saying those same words to yourself. That is the first small practice in cherishing yourself.

── Knowing your "habitual phrases" toward yourself can help you loosen up a little

The reason you blame yourself too much is probably because you are not yet aware of the words you are using to beat yourself up.

"I cannot forgive myself for not being able to do something," or "I feel worthless if I am not useful." Once you can see these habitual phrases, you will be able to notice, before you start blaming yourself, that "Oh, I'm being harsh on myself again." This is not about whether you can or cannot do something; it is about whether you have an instruction manual for yourself.

If you would like to reconsider the words you use on yourself and your habits of harshness, you can start by trying a free consultation. Even if you feel like it might not be worth consulting someone about, that is perfectly fine.

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*This article is not intended for any specific diagnosis or treatment, but is reading material to help you understand your own tendencies and feel a little more at ease.

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