I have to do things properly. Is it really true that "I am no good if I am not doing things properly"?

To you, who have been working so hard.

Shall we ask ourselves together again today,

"Is that really true?"

and see what happens?

Doing housework from the morning.

Working.

Thinking about the children.

Being considerate of those around you.

"I have to do things properly."

Are there days when words like that,

cross your mind?

I want to be a proper mother (father).

I want to be a proper professional.

I want to be a proper person.

But,

who exactly decided,

what that "properly" means?

Is that "properly",

really something you want to cherish?

Or is it,

Is it a "norm" that you received from someone else?

We

believe that we are

living by our own choices.

However,

without realizing it,

we may be living by

the "how things should be"

that we received from

our parents, school, company, or society, as if it were our own norm.

The pain isn't because you "don't have it together"

Perhaps,

the reason you are suffering

is not because you haven't managed to get it together.

What is truly painful

is perhaps the fact that you keep believing, "I'm no good if I don't have it together."

Even when you just make a small mistake,

"It was my fault."

Even when you just take a little break,

you might feel that way.

"I'm being lazy."

When I've caused trouble for someone,

"If I had just had it together, this wouldn't have happened."

"It's all my fault."

That's how,

the harshest words,

are always directed at myself.

That assumption,

might be what is slowly making my heart suffer.

When was that "together" born?

When I was a child.

"You're a good kid."

When I was patted on the head.

When I didn't forget anything.

When I could read the room.

When I didn't cause trouble for those around me.

We,

learn little by little.

"You are more loved when you have it together."

Of course,

Courtesy and consideration are important.

However,

as those experiences accumulate,

they can sometimes turn into this kind of belief.

"I'm no good if I'm not doing things properly."

And,

before you know it,

"Doing things properly is just expected."

You start to think that way.

But,

just for a moment here,

please try stopping to think.

Whose "expected" is that "expected"?

Is it your parents'?

Is it your school's?

Is it your company's?

Is it society's?

Or,

is it truly an "expected" that you yourself want to cherish?

"Is that really true?"

Right here,

just one more time,

please ask yourself.

"I'm no good if I'm not together."

Is that really true?

Would you,

when someone you care about fails,

think,

"You have no value anymore."

Would you look at someone who is tired and resting and think,

"You're no good because you're not together."

Would you think that?

When a child trips over a stone and falls,

"I can't love you because you weren't together."

Would you think that?

Surely,

that is not the case.

If,

you don't think so,

why is it only for yourself,

You must be making such strict rules for yourself.

I, too, was bound by the idea of "doing things properly."

I also used to think,

I have to work properly.

I have to raise my children properly.

I have to produce results properly.

I have to meet expectations properly.

That is how I felt.

But,

one day,

I asked myself.

"Is that really true?"

On days when I don't do things properly,

do I lose my value?

On days when I fail,

will I stop being loved?

As I kept asking myself these questions,

little by little,

the tension in my shoulders began to fade.

Rather than "doing things properly,"

Being myself.

That might be,

much more natural.

The days when I can think that,

have been increasing little by little.

The world doesn't change. But the way you see it does.

I,

don't mean to say,

"You don't have to get it together."

Working hard,

taking responsibility,

and cherishing this very moment,

are all wonderful things.

But,

instead of "I have to get it together,"

if you ask yourself,

"How do I want to be today?"

when you start asking that,

even in the same daily routine,

your heart will gradually feel lighter.

Instead of aiming to be "the together me",

remember the "me that is like me."

I think that is also a way of living.

Today's small exercise

Just for today,

whenever you think,

try writing down the situation where you thought, "I have to get it together."

And then,

next to it,

try writing just one phrase.

Is that really true?

Is that "togetherness"

something you truly value?

Or is it

a "norm" you received from someone else?

Conclusion

Perhaps,

what is causing you pain

is not the event itself, but

"I'm no good if I'm not together."

Perhaps that is just a fixed idea.

The world,

remains unchanged today.

However,

you can change how you see the world.

So today, too,

I ask myself.

"Is that really true?"

And,

just one more thing.

"Is that common sense really mine?"

Every time I repeat that question,

little by little,

rather than a life aiming to be "the me who has it together,"

I feel like the time I spend returning to,

"the me as I am"

which I have had since I was born, is increasing.

Surely life is,

not about becoming perfect,

but a journey of remembering your true self.

It may not be a life of adding things on,

but rather,

a journey of gradually taking off the armor of the heart.

Today, too,

"Is that really true?"

may that small question,

expand your world,

just a little bit.

🌿 Recommended reading

📖 Is it really true that "I have no value"?

📖 Is it really true that "I wonder if I'm okay as I am"?

📖 "Is that really true?" expanded my world.

📖 When I let go of "how things should be," the world became much more interesting.

🌿 For those who want to cherish time to reconcile with themselves

"I have to get it together."

When you keep thinking that,

without realizing it,

more than your own heart,

you may end up prioritizing "how things should be."

For those of you who feel this way,

Returning to a self that doesn't compare with others | Untying the knots of the heart12 door

is available for free.

Also,

If you feel that,

"It's hard to sort things out on my own."

In a 90-minute phone session,

we can work together to untie the knots in your heart.

There is no need to rush.

The answer,

is not outside,

but within you.

Again today, let's,

"Is that really true?"

ask ourselves this question,

and remember our true selves🌿

Search keywords

#IHaveToGetItTogether
#ImNoGoodIfIDontHaveItTogether
#Perfectionism
#SelfEsteem
#SelfAcceptance
#BlamingMyself
#DifficultyLiving
#HowThingsShouldBe
#TrueSelf
#FacingMyHeart
#DontCompareWithOthers
#IsThatReallyTrue