As a Father, I Chose to Redefine How I Work: It Wasn't About Taking Paternity Leave, It Was About Living Together While My Children Were Young

Rather than a story about taking paternity leave,
I would like to talk about how, as a father, I chose to redefine where I stand.

It wasn't that I wanted to take paternity leave

If I had to sum up the reason I changed jobs in one word,
it wouldn't be "because I wanted to take paternity leave."

Of course, it was important that the company allowed for paternity leave.

Having the system in place.
Having an atmosphere where it could actually be used.
Being accepted as a father for taking time off when a child is born.

That was truly significant.

But what I really wanted wasn't the time off itself.

I wanted to live together with my children while they were young, rather than leaving it all to my wife.

The baby phase doesn't come back.
The time when my older child was small doesn't come back either.
The time they call me "Papa,"
the time we sleep together,
the time we hold hands and go out—
those moments only happen then.

That is why I chose to redefine how I work.

However, this is not a story about hating my previous company.

In fact, I quite enjoyed my time there.
The nationwide assignments, the year in Aomori, the business trips, and the residency were all very educational.
I was blessed with good people and had supervisors I could respect.

Even so, when I calculated backward from the kind of family I wanted to build,
I realized it would be difficult to achieve while working that way.

So, as a father, I thought about redefining where I stand.

I didn't quit because I hated my previous company

I didn't quit because I hated my previous company.

I want to make that clear from the start.

At the company I joined as a new graduate, I chose the nationwide assignment track.

In my first year, I rotated through various stores every three months.
I went to unfamiliar lands, entered unfamiliar pharmacies, and worked with unfamiliar people.

It was tough.
But it was interesting.

The atmosphere of the pharmacy differs in every region.
The relationship with hospitals is different.
The distance from patients is different.
The way seniors teach, the relationship with office staff, and the local lifestyle are all different.

Since I was only there for three months, I had to fit in quickly.

The faster I fit in, the more I could be taught.
So, I admitted when I didn't know something.
I also made sure not to impose what I learned at previous stores by saying, "It was like this at the last store."

While studying as a pharmacist,
I think my ability to build relationships and enter unfamiliar environments was greatly sharpened.

In my second year, I worked in Aomori for a year.

Unlike the three-month rotations, working in the same town for a year changed what I could see.

The number of times I talked to patients increased.
I met the same people repeatedly.
Relationships were built little by little.
My thoughts as a pharmacist also grew.

It wasn't just about work.

My hobbies increased.
My friends increased.
I really enjoyed the food, the drinks, and the local atmosphere.

So, I repeat, it wasn't that I hated my previous company.

The work was fun.
I was blessed with people.
I was given experience.

However, when I got married and thought about having children, the question changed.

—

The work I enjoyed and the family I wanted to build were not facing the same direction

I had been looking toward marriage since I was in Aomori.

I had a girlfriend I had been dating since college.
She is my current wife.

I prepared for the proposal while in Aomori.
Feeling like it was halfway between Kansai and Aomori, I proposed in Tokyo.

If I was going to think about marriage, I had to return to Kansai first.

Thinking that, I had myself transferred back to Kansai.

But just because I returned to Kansai didn't mean I was suddenly closer to family life.

There were many business trips.

I think I was only in Osaka about half the month.
I was flying all over the country.

In my third year, I also experienced residency training at a hospital.
After that, there were still many business trips.

There was a lot to learn as a pharmacist, and I had many interesting experiences.

But I gradually started to think.

It's fun as a job.
It's not bad for a career.

But it's different from the family image I want to create.

The original landscape of family in my mind is quite ordinary.

There is a father, a mother, an older sister, and myself.
A family of four, returning to the same house.

It's not a particularly flashy life, but someone is always home.
There is food.
We laugh at silly things.

I wanted to create that kind of family myself.

But if I continued working in a way that had me flying all over the country,
would I be able to be home when my child was born?

Would I be able to be by my wife's side when she was struggling?
Would I be able to be there properly as a father when my child was small?

I couldn't escape that question.

—

I had a supervisor I respected. Even so, I had no choice but to quit

When I told them I was resigning, it seems my supervisor was quite shocked.

I still respect that supervisor quite a lot.

He was a good talker and good at seeing people.

What does that person value?
Is it money?
Is it the environment?
Is it a career?

He was a person who could make proper proposals while observing those things.

I think he was truly a first-class manager.

When I quit, he didn't just say "don't quit,"
but thought about "how about this method?"
and "how about this option?"
But there was probably no way to stop me.

I wasn't quitting because I had come to hate the company.

I was quite blessed with experience and people.
The nationwide assignments were fun.

The year in Aomori was good.
The business trips and residency were very educational.
So, it wasn't a matter of staying if my complaints were fixed.

In my own mind, as the next step after marriage and thinking about children,

I had concluded that this was not the company for me.
I am grateful for what I was allowed to experience at this company.

I am not quitting out of dissatisfaction.
But when calculating backward from my ideal family image, I needed to move on.
That was the story.

It seems that for others, he would talk for an hour or two when they resigned.

But for me, it ended in about 10 minutes.

I don't think that was because he was cold,

but because the reason was no longer something that could be solved within the company.
What I wanted wasn't just an improvement in conditions.

It was a way of working that allowed me to live together with my children as a father while they were young.

—

Before I reached the point of no return, I chose to redefine how I work

I think my supervisor was thinking quite a lot about my career.

I think he also had expectations for me.
I was grateful for that.

But at the same time, I also felt that if I accepted those expectations, it would become harder to quit.

Roles increase.
Responsibilities increase.
A position within the company is established.
The next career begins.

I felt that if I waited until then, it would be even harder to shift my focus to my family.

Perhaps if I had been a year late, it would have been different.

I might have been given a title.
My responsibilities within the company might have increased.
If that had happened, I think the decision to quit would have been much harder.

The time with my children and the shape of our marriage might have been different from what they are now.

So, rather than quitting because I hated the company,
I think I chose to redefine how I work before I reached the point of no return.

My previous company was a company with a very strong work culture.

I think it was an environment where people who could entrust their lives to their work thrived.
Among the supervisors, there were people who worked as if they had two homes.

I think that is amazing in its own way.

Facing work with all one's might.
Going where one is needed.
Expanding one's role within the company.

There are views that can only be seen through that way of working.

But it was different from the family image I had envisioned.

I wanted to go home.
I wanted to be home when my child was born.
I wanted to run the household together with my wife.

Therefore, I needed to redefine how I work before the work culture became even stronger.

—

I had a child while job hunting

Actually, I intended to think about children after changing jobs.

But my wife became pregnant while I was job hunting.

Here, the meaning of how I work changed even further.

It was no longer "someday when we have children."
We actually had a child.
I am going to be a father.

That is precisely why my eyes for looking at potential employers became quite realistic.

Can I take paternity leave?
How is the time off?
How are the working hours?
How many annual holidays are there?
Can I run the household after the child is born?

In interviews, I honestly told them that my wife was pregnant.

There is a possibility that I will cause trouble immediately after joining.
I talked about it including that premise.

Being able to choose a company that accepted me even then was truly significant.

I also had the experience I accumulated at my previous job.

Nationwide assignments.
Large stores.
In front of general hospitals.
Cancer field.
Home care.
Experience as a hospital pharmacist.

I had some confidence that I could work anywhere.

But you cannot build a family with confidence alone.

Can I take time off properly when the child is born?
Can I be home when my wife is struggling?
Is it a company that will accept my family circumstances even if I tell them from the start?

That was what was important.

—

I wanted to live together while my children were young

I want to take paternity leave.

When I say that, it might sound like a story about a system.

Of course, the system is important.
I am truly grateful that it is a company where I can take paternity leave.

But what I wanted wasn't the system of paternity leave itself.

It wasn't that I wanted to take time off.
It wasn't that I wanted to run away from work.

I wanted to live together while my children were young.

The baby phase doesn't come back.

The time they first roll over,
the time they first laugh,
the time they first walk,
all pass by quickly.

The time when my older child was still small doesn't come back either.

The time they call me "Papa,"
the time we sleep together,
the time we hold hands and go out—
all of that only happens then.

Just as there are experiences that can only be gained through work,
there are experiences that can only be gained in the family during that period.

I didn't want to miss that time.

Rather than leaving child-rearing only to my wife,
I wanted to be in that time as a father myself.

That is why I chose to redefine how I work.

—

The moment I think I'm glad I changed jobs

The moments I think I'm glad I changed jobs are surprisingly not big events.

Returning home every day.
Sleeping with my children.
Going out with my three-year-old on my day off.
Being called "Papa."
The fact that Papa being there is natural for the children.

It might just be that.

But for me, that was significant.

If I had continued working in a way that had me flying all over the country, this might not have happened.

I also hear stories about children not being used to their father's face when he returns home.

That is not to say that is bad.
There are many kinds of families and many kinds of ways to work.

But I wanted to live together with my children while they were young as much as possible.

Now, my children call me "Papa."
I can go out with my three-year-old.
When my wife was hospitalized for the birth of our second child, I was able to run the house.
My wife was also able to take a little time for herself.

Just having that daily life makes me think I'm glad I chose to redefine how I work back then.

—

Both family and work have become work and like

However, the story doesn't end there.

I changed jobs and joined a company where I could place my axis on my family.
I was able to take time off for the first child.
I was also able to take paternity leave for the second child.

So, I don't think that choice back then was wrong.

But the balance between work and like is not over once you decide it.

Now, work is becoming interesting again.

I have also experienced being a store manager.
Responsibilities have increased.

Perhaps it is time to dip a foot into area management or management.
Honestly, I think training, recruiting, and human resources also look interesting.

In other words, there is also "like" in work.

On the other hand, family is not just healing.

Child-rearing.
Housework.
Coordination with my wife.
Cooperation from my mother-in-law.
Running the house.
The children's health.
How to use time.
Future planning.

There are many things that need to be done in the family as well.

But even so, I like the time I spend with my family.
Watching my children grow is fun.
The time spent with family is also an important "like" for me.

I used to think that work was "work" and family was "like."

But now it's different.

In work, there are things that must be done and things I like.
In family, there are things that must be done and things I like.

Therefore, the "like" balance for me is
not a story of which to choose between work and family.

I think it is about continuing to redefine the "work" and "like" that exist in both,
matching the current shape of my family.

—

Living together while they are small

By changing jobs at that time, I was able to live together with my children while they were small.

I was able to take time off when the first one was born.
I was also able to take paternity leave when the second one was born.
I was able to enter into family life as a father.

That is why I believe my choice back then was not wrong.

However, I think I will continue to struggle with this.

There is the version of me expected at work.
There is also the version of me that wants to cherish my family.

I want to do management work as well.
But I also do not want to let go of the time with my children.

Perhaps this struggle will never end.

Even so, one thing is clear.

It was not that I wanted to take paternity leave.

I wanted to live through the time when my children were small,
not leaving it all to my wife,
but living it together as a father.

And I think that from here on out, between family and work,
I will continue to choose where I stand.