If there were a word between like and dislike.

Don't you feel uneasy after saying the word "dislike"? Doesn't it feel like you're completely rejecting the other person, or perhaps the food? (I'll leave the food part aside for now.)

That's why I try saying,
"I don't like that part of you." It was such a small thing, yet my heart felt lighter. Before saying it, I braced myself, thinking, "If I say this, our relationship might get awkward," but in reality, nothing fell apart; in fact, the relationship actually became more stable.

I feel that this experience encapsulates the essence of how people interact with one another.

Humans are dependent on the "this is the kind of person you are" image that others have of them.

That is why we avoid saying anything that even has a one-millimeter chance of being met with "I didn't think you were that kind of person," because we fear being told, "That's enough!!" That's why we get tongue-tied.

At the same time, it is also a process of gradually chipping away at our "true selves."


We are constantly swaying between the need for approval from others and maintaining our own identity. Balance is important.


I know I'm the one saying it, but
I think this expression, "I don't like it," is a major discovery.
People brace themselves when attacked, but using subjective phrasing like "I feel this way" has the effect of weakening that defense.

I think the "I-message" approach of saying "I feel this way" has become quite widespread, but this phrase, "I don't like it," is even more powerful because it softens the total rejection of the word "dislike."

For example,
I feel that if a student says "I don't like science" rather than "I hate science," there is still some "room" left to eventually like it.


And,
The word "dislike" is too direct and tends to carry a nuance of rejecting the other person's personality, whereas "I don't like it" is conveyed merely as discomfort with a small part of them.

This difference may seem small, but it creates a huge difference in how the other person receives it.


"I don't like it" is a phrase that makes one imagine it includes the room for "I could like it if you did this."

Discomfort that isn't put into words eventually creates a vague, troublesome, and distorted distance of "we just don't seem to click." On the other hand, telling someone "I don't like that part of you" feels like a process of bridging that distance.

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[Related Article: About True Feelings]

To communicate is
not to impose, but to "carefully" land your words within the other person.

And the root of this real-life experience was the discovery that "the world doesn't break as much as you think it will."
We often imagine the worst-case scenario too much.


But in reality, I learned that things don't go in such an extremely strange direction, and that the accumulation of small, honest feelings actually increases the strength of a relationship.

For those of us swaying between "acceptance (wanting to be accepted)" and "rejection (not wanting to be disliked)," this vague way of "communicating while leaving room" might be the perfect balance that satisfies both at the same time. I know I'm the one saying it.

That is precisely why,
I think it led to the feeling of "feeling relieved" by communicating.



What is important is
that conveying your own feelings by saying "I felt this way" and finding ways to soften what you felt is what makes the future for both of you brighter.

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[Related Article: Reading the Room]

Instead of making definitive statements like "I dislike it" or "I can't stand it," create some room by saying "I don't like it."


This one phrase is an important fine-tuning that "shifts" human relationships in a slightly more "sincere direction."



Value that shift when facing the other person.

How would you shift it?
If the wig of the person in front of you was crooked,


would you kindly fix it with both hands, even if it were awkward?
I, for one, am not fond of the fact that I like my own dad jokes.I don't like it.


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Thank you for reading again today.

Well then, see you in the next article.
Have a wonderful day.