I thought I was scolding them, but I was just showing them my back

The day I closed the door a little too hard.
Perhaps I wasn't the only one who heard that sound.

Last time,
I wrote about how there might be a sense of "loneliness"
behind why children lash out at people or objects.

Today,
I want to talk about something else that those children
are actually seeing at those times.

The back I show them, rather than the self that is scolding

We tell our children,
"Let's not lash out at people or objects."

But I wonder sometimes.
Are adults really not lashing out at people or objects?

Are we truly showing them the right way to behave?

At the very least, in my case, the answer was "No."

When I felt frustrated,
I would intentionally slam the door shut,
set things down with a thud,
let out a loud sigh,
or throw harsh words at someone.

I realized I was in no position to say anything to my child.

"Lashing out at people" isn't just about physical violence

Lashing out at people equals attacking them.
That doesn't just mean hitting.

It means throwing harsh words.
It means spreading an irritable attitude.
It means making the air heavy with sighs.

I believe that is also psychologically lashing out at people.

And children are watching that very closely.

Children are geniuses at reading the room

When I was a childcare worker, I felt this many times.

The tone of a teacher's voice.
Changes in facial expressions.
The tense atmosphere flowing through the room.

They don't approach when you're angry.
The moment they feel "it's okay now," they come to you for affection.

Children are very good at reading the room.

But if that goes too far,
they end up walking on eggshells,
and sometimes they become unable to express their own feelings.

It's okay to be frustrated. It's okay to be angry.

That said,
it doesn't mean we have to be adults who never get frustrated.

We are human beings, too.
There are many days when we reach our limit.

It's okay to be angry.

Be the mom or dad you are, just as you are.

Days when you're in a bad mood,
days when things don't go well,
and the version of yourself you can't control—that is all you.

What I want to show them is "humanity" rather than "correctness"

What's important is
not showing them a perfect back,

but showing them that even adults make mistakes.
That we sometimes fail.
But that we notice, and try to make things better little by little.

Showing them that side of yourself

is the greatest message you can give them,
saying, "It's okay for you to fail too,"
and "Even if you make a mistake, you can start over."

Summary

Children
watch their parents' backs every day more than their words.

Days when you feel frustrated,
days when things don't go well,
that is all you, too.

But at the same time,
children know.

They know the smiling face of their beloved mom or dad
when they finally relax.

They know the tone of your voice when you feel at ease.
They know the atmosphere that says, "It's going to be okay."

You don't have to be perfect.
It's okay if there are days when you get angry.

Even so, in the end,
if you meet their eyes with a smile,
that alone will fill a child's heart a little.

You are doing enough today.
So please,
be kind to yourself.

Children
are watching that back of yours, too.

🍀🌿🍀🌿🍀🌿🍀🌿🍀🌿🍀🌿🍀🌿🍀

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