Short Short 19 (SF Edition). Earth Invasion: A Drunkard's Delusion (Including 1939-character afterword)

Earth Invasion: A Drunkard's Delusion

The plan for the conquest of Earth by extraterrestrial life forms was proceeding steadily.

Inside the spaceship gradually approaching Earth, the aliens were discussing their plan.

……

“Brother, isn't this planet great? It seems there are some fairly intelligent life forms here. They call their own planet 'Earth', apparently.”

“Oh, Earth, huh? We need to show some results sooner or later, too. If there are decent intelligent life forms, there might be some decent technology or valuable minerals, and if nothing else, we could even use them as food.”

“That's right. You're absolutely correct. Let's go and give them a good thrashing, shall we?”

“That's good, that's good. You're saying some good things. So, what's the situation like?”

“Well, you see, Brother, listen closely. That planet called Earth seems to have only 1/10th the gravity of our home planet.”

“Is that so? And what about it?”

“Brother, you don't get it. This is no time to be sleepy. It's 1/10th the gravity. Just imagine how light our bodies will feel.”

“Oh, I see. I'm starting to understand what you're getting at. Does that mean we might be able to move incredibly fast because there's less gravity?”

“As expected of you, Brother. You intellectuals are different. That's exactly it. And it's not just that we can move fast. We should be able to jump incredibly high, too. After all, the gravity is 1/10th. We could jump three, no, five times our own height.”

“On top of that, with such a difference in gravity, the muscle strength of the Earthlings must be incomparably weaker than ours.”

“Really? It's like we're going to be Supermen.”

“Brother, it's not 'like' it, we really will be Supermen. We'll be invincible. The Earthlings will be finished in one blow. Let's make them regret from the bottom of their hearts that they lived so comfortably on such a low-gravity planet.”

“That's great, Superman, huh? I've admired that since I was a kid. Well then, let's go and finish them off in one go. ...Oh, we've gotten quite close. Earth is a blue planet, isn't it? It looks like it's already turning pale.”

“Brother, you're getting into the spirit of it. That's right, that's Earth. The day has finally come for us to see the light of day.”

……

Thus, the invasion of Earth by the aliens was about to begin.

……

“Brother, brother, brotheeeer.”

“What is it, what is it, what’s the matter? You told me to go ahead and scatter the Earthlings while you took your time coming later, so I was just having a cup of tea. What is it?”

“Brother, it’s no good. Let’s give up on Earth. It’s no good.”

“What are you talking about? What happened?”

“……The Earthlings are huge.”

“The Earthlings are huge? What do you mean by that?”

“They’re just huge. They’re big. They’re about 100 times our height. So, even if I jump five times my own height, I only reach their knees.”

“What on earth is that?”

“Brother, I’m sorry. It seems the strength of gravity is related to the size of life forms. The theory is that the size a body can support is determined by gravity. So, because Earthlings live in lower gravity compared to us, they’re incredibly huge.”

“Why didn’t you figure that out beforehand?”

“Why ask me? You were really gung-ho about it too, weren’t you?”

“That’s just because you were saying such optimistic things, so I just thought, ‘I guess that might be true.’”

“Brother, there’s no point in talking about it now, and I’m really about to be crushed. Can I come back?”

“Can’t be helped. That can’t be helped. Come back quickly. Be careful.”

……

The Earthlings had no way of knowing that such an exchange had taken place……

It didn’t make the news……

It didn’t appear in the newspapers……

On a certain TV program, a video sent in by a viewer was being introduced.

The title is...

The 'I found a tiny old man' series
"I found a tiny old man jumping around."
(End)

~Afterword~
I drink alcohol every day, but I almost never get drunk at home.

Perhaps because I drank out for the first time in a while, I seem to have gotten a little tipsy.

I've been thinking for the past few days that I haven't written any short shorts and that I really wanted to, so I wrote this all at once.

I personally had so much fun writing it that I had to hold back my laughter, but I wonder how it turned out?
I would be happy if the people who read it simply enjoy it.

I think I'll decide whether to post it after I re-read it tomorrow morning.🤤