Beginner's Guide to a Gentle Self-Centered Life (For those looking to grow toward finding their own center.)
Hello everyone.
I am a therapist who stays close to your heart.
I usually work as an occupational therapist.
At home, I am struggling to raise three boys.
My personality is sensitive and HSP-natured, and there are many times in my daily life where I find it difficult to live or find it hard to live the same way as everyone else.
Focusing mainly on my own experiences...
I am posting this to help HSP individuals create comfortable days for themselves using their own strength.
In my previous post, I touched a little bit on what a self-centered life is.
For HSP individuals to create comfortable days for themselves using their own strength,
having a self-centered life is very important and becomes the foundation.
I would like people like this to read this post.
To those who want to live with a self-centered life from now on.
To those who are thinking about wanting to move forward firmly on their own two feet.
Today's topic...
A self-centered life for absolute beginners.
I will talk about this while also incorporating my own perspective.
First, to explain what a self-centered life is simply,
Self-centered = I want to do this.
Other-centered = I have to do this.
That is what I think.
Basically,the subject of a self-centered life is "I".
I love Karaage-kun.
I am not good at wearing skirts.
I am good at drawing pictures.
These are examples of a self-centered life.
When these become other-centered...
Everyone is buying Karaage-kun, so I have to buy it too.
I want to wear pants at school, but everyone else is wearing skirts...
I like drawing, but I can't draw as well as that person, so...
I have things I want to do, but I hold back because everyone around me is...
Of course, I have also been living with an 'other-axis' until now.
I think the reasons for becoming 'other-axis' vary from person to person, but
I personally don't think anyone is born with an 'other-axis'.
That is my personal opinion.
I have three children, and
when they are small, what they want to do, what they want to eat, and what they want
is very clear.
And, what they dislike, they dislike. What they like, they like.
If things don't go their way, they start crying.
That is just what children are like, isn't it?
That gradually changes into an 'other-axis' depending on the surrounding environment.
It is not that having an 'other-axis' is bad.
Even if children have clear likes and dislikes, it is often forgiven
as 'being like a child'.
However, as we become adults, that is not necessarily the case, is it?
There are times when you have to do things you don't like.
There are times when you have to adapt to others and smile.
You have to go to work even if you're feeling a bit under the weather, don't you?
There are also times when that is necessary to get along well in society and within groups.
exists.
Especially in the adult world, there are times when you need to adapt to others...
When adapting to others becomes too much of a habit,
you start to lose sight of what your own axis is.
You end up pushing deep down into your heart those feelings you had as a child—the pure, reasonless likes and dislikes, the things you wanted to do or didn't want to do.
I think it's dangerous when that happens.
Especially for HSPs,
because they are too kind,
and because they sensitively pick up on changes in other people's emotions,
they end up prioritizing the other person.
And, without even realizing it themselves, they tend to perceive the other person's likes, things, and even
emotions as their own.
Recognizing and understanding your own axis firmly, and then
acting skillfully in society as an adult.
I think these are very important.
Up to this point, although it has been simple,
what is a self-axis...
what is an other-axis...
I have talked about these, but...
So, why is it that regaining your self-axis, and what kind of benefits does it
have?
When you return to your self-axis,
you become able to give yourself permission to live each day with ease.
I believe this is what it all comes down to.
HSP individuals tend to be serious and perfectionistic.
Is there still more I can do?
I must aim higher and higher.
Isn't the current me insufficient?
Do you ever think things like this?
At first glance, this way of thinking might seem like you are encouraging yourself to grow,
but hidden within this is an other-centered axis.
"No one will accept me as I am. I have to work harder to be accepted."
This can sometimes contain low self-esteem or an excessive desire for approval.
Low self-esteem and an excessive desire for approval based on an other-centered axis like this
will never be satisfied, no matter how much effort you put in.
The demands just keep increasing: more, more, and more.
Among those reading this, there may be some who are suffering
in that kind of negative loop.
To break that negative loop,
“It’s okay like this. You are doing enough.”
I believe it is about acknowledging yourself and allowing yourself to live with ease.
It sounds simple when written in words, but
this is actually quite difficult, isn't it?
Once you start being able to do these things, a sense of ease will naturally emerge within your heart.
By having that ease within your heart,
you can start to feel like beginning something new for yourself.
Once this feeling sprouts, wouldn't you say you have caught the wave toward your own self-axis!
However,
there is a bit of a pitfall in thisease that emerges within the heart,so I would like to talk about it a little.
When you hear that you have gained ease of mind, don't you have a very positive image of it?
Because you have gained ease,
you read a book while drinking your favorite tea.
You start exercising for your health.
It is precisely because you have that ease that you can spend time on yourself.
These ways of thinking might feel like common sense to the average person,
but for those who have spent their lives living for others,
when you finally find some peace of mind,
you may end up feeling like there is a gaping hole in your heart,
much like burnout syndrome.
It is a sense of emptiness, or perhaps,
a feeling of not knowing what to do,
which can sometimes lead to intense anxiety.
When I myself began to reclaim who I was,
the cluttered thoughts that had filled my head began to clear, and I was able to focus on "the here and now."
As a result, my days, which had previously been in hard mode and left me exhausted, gradually shifted to easy mode, and I found more room in my heart.
While I felt relieved by that newfound space,
on the other hand,
I also felt that the days passing by so calmly were somehow unsatisfying, and I began to wonder,
is this really okay?
It was exactly that—a complete hole in my heart, leaving me in a state close to apathy.
However, after that state had continued for a while,
I suddenly realized, this is fine. Life is surprisingly just like this.
I realized that I had been holding onto excessive expectations for life (thinking, 'Since you only have one life, you have to live it with all your might!').
Life is like a full marathon; it is a long-distance run.
It was also the moment I realized that I had been running a full marathon at full speed until now.
A full marathon at full speed... no wonder I'm tired.
Now, I am able to run at about 30% capacity each day, and the remaining 70% is my peace of mind...
I am now able to make this 70% a kind and comfortable time for myself.
That is how I feel now.
Once I realized that and acknowledged it, I felt much more at ease.
While being careful of such pitfalls, I want you all to allow yourselves to spend your days in a relaxed and easygoing way.
As you do so, you will come to be able to spend your days being kind to yourself.
Those who have lived with an other-centered approach, prioritizing others, may sometimes wonder, 'What kind of person was I?' when returning to a self-centered approach.
At such times, I hope you will also refer to the 'User Manual for Yourself' that I posted previously.
Let's grow together so that you can all spend your days being kind to yourselves.