(17) [I was acknowledged, and that alone saved me] Even on the day my life ended, I still drank my morning coffee. -Disappearance Arc-
■ This story is written based on the author's actual experiences.
・Honestly, I am exposing my shame to the extreme.
・This is a record (non-fiction) of the life I have lived.
・I am aiming to update almost every day.
[I was acknowledged, and that alone saved me]
4:00 AM.
I woke up after sleeping without really sleeping.
The smell of yesterday is stuck in my brain.
I want to sleep like I did when I was a boy.
Even if I had worries,
even if I fought with friends,
even if I was dumped by a girlfriend,
I could sleep deeply, soundly.
Back then.
When did I stop being able to sleep?
When did my sleep become so shallow?
Today was especially shallow.
Because of that smell.
I go to the shared washroom
to get water for coffee.
The aroma overflowing from the coffee maker.
For a brief moment, I feel human.
The happiness of being able to drink
regular coffee in the morning.
I can feel the caffeine
flowing into my clean morning body.
I was gradually getting used to the site, too.
Unloading the refrigerator,
at first I was 'just holding it,' but
before I knew it,
I was able to move while watching my surroundings.
Where to put it.
Who will move next.
Where is it dangerous.
By watching desperately
so I wouldn't get yelled at,
little by little,
I began to understand.
However, I can't get used to that smell.
No, if I ever get used to it,
I'm truly finished as a human being.
At 5:00, Mr. Matsushita arrived.
I drank my second cup, and Mr. Matsushita drank his first
cup of coffee.
'...Yesterday was tough, wasn't it...'
'...Yes! I want to forget it as soon as possible...'
The two of us, conversing in silence,
headed to the first-floor conference room.
As always, cigarette smoke.
As always, a silent space.
As always, on the whiteboard,
names were being written.
Team C, driver and assistant.
A daily wage of 16,000 yen is guaranteed.
The site, which had a 10-person team until yesterday,
seems to be a 5-person team starting today.
Me, Mr. Matsushita, Yoshida,
and two others whose faces I only know.
'Hey you.
I hear you're working hard.
It's a direct request from the client.
You'll get a 1,000 yen nomination bonus.'
Everyone looked at me.
Are you serious! A nomination bonus?
No, more than that,
far,
far more happily,
I was acknowledged.
A job that is a test of physical strength and endurance,
and even though I am a beginner,
they were watching me.
They acknowledged my work.
I feel like I'm going to cry.
'Matsushita-kun, you were requested too.'
Everyone looks at Mr. Matsushita.
As always, we head to the site via a convenience store.
However, unlike yesterday, my heart is light.
Still, I can't let my guard down.
What kind of work is it today?
I still don't know.
The morning assembly begins, and the foreman opens his mouth.
'Good morning. Today, well.
You'll be helping out the scaffolding guys, well.
You'll be doing that, well.'
As always, there are way too many 'wells'.
Do they think that adding 'well'
makes their way of speaking soft?
Doesn't it actually make it harder to understand?
It was an easy day of work for the first time in a while.
A crane unloaded the cargo
from the truck.
We carry the unloaded scaffolding materials
with the scaffolding guys.
Carry.
Carry.
Just carrying them.
They aren't even heavy.
The shapes are uniform.
The scaffolding guys were kind.
We were able to take breaks slowly, too.
I feel like it's been a while since I drank coffee
during a break.
30-minute breaks in the morning and afternoon.
Not bad.
I close my eyes and drink canned coffee.
It tastes delicious.
Ah, I feel like my sense of taste is returning too.
In the afternoon, I did the same work
indifferently,
silently,
solemnly.
It's just work.
If I think of it as a job, it gets tough.
The day ends, and I return to the company dormitory.
I receive my daily wage, take a bath,
and run the washing machine.
In the meantime, I go out to eat dinner.
Rarely, Yoshida says he wants to come along.
He must be lonely.
The three of us, including Mr. Matsushita, headed to Ohsho.
I ordered the same gyoza set as last time
plus two extra orders of gyoza.
Yoshida had sweet and sour pork and sake.
He kept talking to himself about something.
I returned to the room and went to check the washing machine.
I put them in the dryer.
Setting aside yesterday's work,
it seems I was blessed with a good workplace.
There is no exploitative mentality
of taking money for everything, at least for now.
On the contrary, they even give me a 'nomination bonus'.
I was nominated.
I was acknowledged.
No matter what kind of world this is,
the joy of being acknowledged.
Maybe I was acknowledged as a human being, too.
If you do your best,
someone is watching.
However, to live like a human being,
I can't stay here forever.
I think about this while watching the work clothes spinning in the dryer.
I brought the dry work clothes back to the room,
drank a beer, and decided to sleep.
I want to sleep deeply...
That is my wish.
I can't sleep.
That smell from yesterday
comes back.
Shallow sleep.
The returning smell.
Shallow sleep.
Still feeling restless, I
laid my heavy body on the bed.
Life,
it seems, won't get any easier yet.
(Continued in18th episode [Words that saved me])
■ Creative Award 2026 Entry
(Horror Novel Category - Psycho Horror)
・Since this is a Creative Award 2026 entry, reading this as well would give me a huge boost of energy.
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■ For first-time readers
・An introduction to my chaotic life.
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■ Serialized below (Non-fiction)
・I am writing this while exposing the shame of my chaotic life.
'Even on the day my life ended, I still drank my morning coffee.'
[Chapter 1: Disappearance Arc]
→Read from the table of contents
→Read from the1st episode
[Chapter 2: Newspaper Delivery Arc]
→Read from the table of contents
→Read from the1st episode