When I possessed my past self who loved the dentist, I was able to go without any restlessness [Panic Disorder]

I have heard the phrase "the brain is dumber than you think" somewhere before.

Even if it isn't actually happening, if you imagine it, the brain mistakes it for reality. It seems that "the brain has difficulty distinguishing between imagination and reality" is the case.

I thought I could use this for panic countermeasures, so I experimented at the dentist the other day.

And then, for the first time, I was able to spend the time there without feeling restless.

It's not that I was incredibly happy after it was over, but I was calm, thinking, "This feeling of not being afraid was normal, wasn't it?"

I was able to do it so normally that I didn't get overly excited or upset. I thought that "remission" must be an extension of this natural state.

A week has passed and I am writing this, but for me, it was normally an amazing thing.

It only went well once, but I want to write it down before I forget.

Possessing my past self

A long time ago, a new lodge-style dentist opened near my parents' house. It looked so wonderful that I stopped going to the dentist I had been seeing until then and decided to switch to that one.

At the time, I quite liked the dentist, and I was so relaxed that I would get sleepy when I lay down in the chair.

I even felt like, "No, that's fine, just do it as is," when they would raise the chair and say, "Please rinse your mouth." I didn't want them to disturb my relaxation.

Since developing panic disorder, the dentist has become one of my biggest missions. I go reluctantly every time, breaking out in a cold sweat.

Last week was my cleaning day, which happens once every four months.

So, I tried to vividly recall the image of the dentist I liked back then.

I headed there with my head filled with the exterior of the mountain cabin, the slightly excited feeling, and the feeling of "this is comfortable, I can relax" from that time.

By the way, the place I go to now is on the third floor in a corner lined with multi-tenant buildings, in the middle of the city, far from a mountain cabin.

For the time being, I took my usual minimum precautions: I took my emergency medication in advance. I went on an empty stomach (to prevent nausea). I went by motorcycle instead of by train. I took measures against the heat. When I arrived, I had a light conversation with my usual dental hygienist (to keep my consciousness from turning toward anxiety).

Even with all these measures, I would get nervous at the dentist every time.

But this time, the nervousness and restlessness didn't happen. Even though I usually spend my time in the chair doing nail massages or breathing techniques, I didn't do them even once.

And just like that, I spent the time until the end in a flash. I felt like the time was unusually short today, but when I checked the clock, it was the same as always.

The difference from my previous coping strategies

My panic coping strategies until now were like weapons, meant to 'fight if anxiety comes.' I was in a combat stance, carrying a lot of weapons.

But with this technique, I don't have any weapons. I just fully immerse myself in being the version of me from back then who didn't need any weapons.

Since my brain is still the same one inside my head as it was back then, I try to gently trick it by possessing that version of myself.

Instead of having a mindset of 'it's not scary' or 'it's okay if anxiety comes,' I fantasize that 'I've come to that pleasant dentist's office from back then again today.'

And then, somehow, it worked.

I told this story to my counselor the other day.

The counselor then told me, 'It's hard for people to get that immersed in their imagination, so it might be a talent.'

Do I really have such a talent? I'd love for someone else to try it. And if it's not just a special talent of mine, but something anyone can do, I'd be happy.

In the first place, is it unusual to be excited at the dentist? Even so, I wonder if you could utilize a good memory from when you weren't scared, like 'I felt refreshed after getting my teeth cleaned.'

Exciting memories are an asset

I tried applying this success experience at the dentist to summer, which I'm not good at.

Recently, the heat has become a trigger for me, easily causing physical discomfort and anxiety, so I've become completely bad with it. It's closer to fear than just being hot.

But I used to love summer. Haven't you ever felt excited when you heard the words 'summer vacation'? It's that feeling.

There was a summer when a friend took me for a drive to the beach.

The sparkling sea visible from the car, it was hot but the breeze felt good, my skin started to feel sticky and uncomfortable, and we moved to a restaurant to eat pasta.

That was probably about 25 years ago, that's old. Even so, that exciting moment clearly comes to mind.

I vividly recalled that memory and tried walking outside on a hot day. Then, the negative emotions faded, and I thought, 'Yeah, yeah, this is the kind of heat summer has!'

Following the dentist story, when I told this to the counselor as well, they said, 'Your memories have become a wonderful asset.'

The exciting memories from back then have helped me over time.

It's amazing to be alive. I can't explain it well, but I was helped by my memories.

Having gotten a taste of that "exciting moment," I've been thinking a lot lately about what other exciting things I've experienced in the past.

Then, the other day, Sena-san, whom I follow, was doing an interesting project.

They would write an essay if you gave them a topic. I wanted to hear an episode about an "exciting moment" from Sena-san, who always moves my heart!

When I asked, they wrote it for me right away. Despite the sudden request, they gave me such a heartwarming story. It's amazing...

I want you to see the essay directly on Sena-san's post, but they told a story about how "the winter I used to dislike turned into something I look forward to, thanks to an exciting moment." (Thank you, Sena-san!)

I was happy because it seemed a bit similar to my summer experience.

I realized once again that excitement really does have the power to overwrite unpleasant feelings.

Things I want to try with the excitement strategy

Next, I'm thinking of trying to take the train.

I didn't dislike trains either. I could sit for hours, it was a place where I could sleep comfortably, and there was that sense of excitement when going on long trips.

I have the materials for this too, so I wonder if I can go by possessing my younger self? I'm a bit wary of trains, but I'll try it someday!

Three days after I started writing this, I went outside today with some light heat protection. The temperature was 35°C. It took 15 minutes to bike up the hill to the next town.

I got a headache and felt sick... I got a bit carried away with light gear because things had been going well one after another. Why did I go out in the middle of the hottest afternoon?

The heat is definitely formidable, but I want to keep practicing my delusion technique without giving up.

And I decided that I would take care of my health at my own pace so that I can have many more exciting moments in the future!

I am tackling panic disorder from five angles. This time, I wrote about how to utilize past exciting memories as a way to "master a special move."

My "special moves" are summarized in the magazine below.

I have written in detail about the five pillars in this article.

If you found this helpful or relatable, I would be happy if you could press the like button. May we increase our moments of peace together, even if just a little!