Being a 'Nice Person' Was My Own 'Worst Enemy'

For the person I used to be, not saying "NO" was the "absolute correct answer" for building smooth relationships at work and proving my own worth. But as a result of holding onto that answer so tightly, I ended up breaking myself.

With every "yes," a piece of my heart was chipped away.

When I worked in the food service industry, I was always desperate to meet "someone's expectations."
Sudden requests from customers, unreasonable shift consultations from my boss, covering for coworkers.
Even when my physical strength was at its limit, or on nights when I really wanted to rest, I kept smiling and saying "yes."

If I said "NO," I would disappoint the other person.
If I said "NO," I would be thought of as useless.

That kind of fear forced me to push myself too hard.
But when I finally broke down and couldn't move, I realized that the "kindness" I had been offering to those around me was actually a "betrayal of myself," as I had kept putting myself last.

I was the one who treated myself the worst

During the month or two that I couldn't get out of bed, there were people who asked me, "Are you okay?" but no one could take on my suffering for me. That is only natural. Because there is only one person in the world who can protect my heart and body: me.
Fearing that someone might dislike me, I kept allowing myself to "push too hard."
When I realized that I was the one treating myself the worst, I couldn't stop the tears.
Make yourself your own greatest ally.
When I decided that, what I needed wasn't to acquire new skills, but to pick up the weapon called "NO."

"NO" is not a rejection, but a term of endearment for yourself

At first, I was terrified.
But when I gathered the courage to say a small "NO," something strange happened.
Some people left, but the people who were truly important to me surprisingly accepted it, saying, "I see, don't push yourself."
Saying "NO" is not about rejecting the other person.
I believe it is a term of endearment for yourself, saying, "From here on is my precious territory. I will not let myself be hurt any further."

There is such a thing as a "NO that doesn't make people dislike you." How to choose your words, which I found after much trial and error.

Even so, it is difficult for us who have been playing the "nice person" to suddenly push people away coldly, isn't it?
Protecting your own heart without breaking your relationship with the other person. Actually, there was a little trick to that kind of "flexible way of declining."
The concrete "way of choosing words" that doesn't hurt the other person or yourself, and the "way of preparing your heart" when declining, which I found while crawling up from rock bottom.

I plan to summarize those in detail in the next article as a "NO Practice Book" that I actually use.

If you, who are reading this now, are forcing yourself to smile for someone else.
Why not start by forgiving yourself and saying, "It's okay for me to protect myself"?

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