Interview | From the night my confidence as a 'childcare professional' crumbled, to the path of becoming a babysitter

'I thought, I'm a childcare professional, I'll be fine, so I welcomed the birth of my child. But actual parenting was a series of things that knowledge alone couldn't solve.'

Days spent confused by sleepless nights and losing my composure. Even so, the experience of being saved by a single word from my mother eventually led to the thought, 'I want to be of help to someone.'

Shiori Nakamoto now works as a babysitter, mainly in the central region of Okinawa's main island. We asked her about her journey and her thoughts on parenting.

I thought I understood children

After graduating from the Childcare Department of Okinawa Christian Junior College, Shiori worked at a public nursery school for two years. She chose the job because she loved interacting with children, but she also had a desire to 'experience various things while I'm young,' so she later changed jobs to work at a cafe. While spending busy days at a popular cafe, she became pregnant with her first child.

After the child turned one and entered nursery school, she began working part-time at a small-scale nursery. Later, she gave birth to her second and third children in consecutive years. For about three years, she was raising her children at home.

'Because I'm a childcare professional, I thought I understood children and that parenting would work out somehow, so I'd be fine.'

She had specialized training and experience working in the field. So she thought she would be fine even after giving birth. However, actual parenting was a series of realities that knowledge alone could not solve.

For a while after the birth of her first child, she lived with her parents. Since the baby would cry when put down after being held, she spent most of her time holding the baby. She thought she would feed the baby milk every three hours at night, but in reality, the baby would wake up crying every hour.

'The idea that the baby would sleep if I fed them milk and changed their diaper was completely wrong. They really wouldn't sleep... Sleep deprivation continued, and I spent my days not even knowing what I was eating, and before I knew it, I had lost 8 kilograms.'

Precisely because she was at her parents' house, she felt she couldn't wake the family with the baby's crying. While holding the crying baby, her anxiety intensified. Even though she knew babies cry, her feelings couldn't keep up. She says there were times when she was losing her composure while holding her own child, who should have been precious to her.

The night I was about to break, a word from my mother

'One night, my mother noticed me at my wit's end, holding my sleepless child and thinking, "I can't do this anymore..." She rubbed my back and said, "You are doing your best." I remember the tears I had been holding back spilling over then. The relief of knowing someone was watching over me, and the feeling that the tight string inside me had suddenly snapped. It was okay not to hold it all in...'

When she worked as a childcare professional, every time she saw news about abuse or child neglect, she felt, 'I can't imagine a parent doing such a thing.'
However, when she was pushed to her absolute limit, that belief wavered.

'Anyone could end up in that situation. What if that happened to me...' She said anxiety and fear crossed her mind.

Her child was precious. She had love for them. Even so, as the days of constant crying piled up, her worries deepened. She couldn't even go to the bathroom in peace. Her husband came home late, and she spent long hours alone with the baby, wanting to talk to an adult.

I have to cook proper meals...
Because I'm a mother...

Such assumptions cornered her. On days she couldn't do it, she would blame herself.

'You're a childcare professional, so you'll be fine, right?'

She had thought she would be fine too, but the reality was different. She couldn't accept herself for not being able to do it well, and she would sink further into depression. It was a cycle.

The side of her that loved children and the side of her that was losing her composure. She says that emotional turmoil was the most painful thing of all.

When she gave birth to her first child, postpartum care and temporary childcare services were not as well-developed as they are now. There were no courses nearby where she could learn how to hold a baby or methods of child-rearing. She desperately got through every day while knowing nothing.

'"It's only hard for now." Every time I was told this, it was painful. I thought, "But it's hard right now, and this 'now' is so long..."'

Fortunately, because her parents were nearby, she could leave the children with them, and there were days when friends would come over when she said she was struggling. She says that every time she was helped by those around her, a certain thought would not leave her mind.

“What do mothers who have no one around to rely on do?”

That question eventually led Shiori to her current career.

The choice of becoming a freelance sitter who supports child-rearing

When it came time to put her third child in daycare, she began looking for a part-time job at a nursery school. However, that was during the COVID-19 pandemic. She heard from a friend who was a childcare worker that “we have to wear masks the entire time we are caring for the children, and communication between the children, parents, and staff has become difficult,” and she felt that this was a bit different from her own philosophy.

At that time, she learned that a senior from her childcare studies program was working as a babysitter. She discovered a new way of working as a freelance sitter, which was different from working at a nursery school.

“What would I do about work if my own child got a fever? Would I even get any requests in the first place? It’s not that I didn’t have any anxiety about taking on a new challenge. When I consulted my husband, he said, ‘If you want to do it, you should try. I’ll help out too.’ Those words gave me the push I needed, so I immediately worked out a plan and submitted my business opening notification.”

Around the time she submitted her business opening notification in 2022, there were only about 15 people registered as babysitters in Okinawa. It was a start with almost no precedents.

“I was feeling my way through it, but thankfully, I was in an environment where I could consult with my seniors. I thought that even though there was little competition, there was a need, but for the first five months, I hardly got any work. I focused on raising awareness and took care of children for mothers using postpartum care at maternity clinics, gradually building up what I could do at the time.”

The requests, which were only 2 or 3 a month at first, gradually increased, and with the addition of childcare at maternity clinics, event childcare, and parent-child workshops, the scope of her activities expanded.

“I mainly work in the central region of Okinawa Island, but I also receive regular requests from people living in Yaese Town, which is a bit further away. I’m happy that they specifically ask for me.”

The purpose of using the service is often for the parents to refresh themselves. Recently, there have also been requests from moms who are taking courses or studying during their maternity leave. The content varies, from watching children while the mother takes a course in the next room, to providing support for playing outside for a few hours after the child finishes at a children's day care center.

“I am most conscious of matching the child’s pace. I don’t try to close the distance suddenly. I speak to them only after they show interest. Because every child has a completely different personality, I value observing them closely.

Depending on the child’s age, I bring toys that they might like. I don’t think I’ve ever had a child who cried the whole time, even if it was the first time I was looking after them. Of course, they cry at first, but even small children are surprisingly good at switching their moods.”

She says that since she started her activities, she has been relearning about child-rearing. She has learned how to use baby carriers and about weaning food, and has also obtained a qualification as an instructor for 'Uchina Baby Massage'.

She says she started the interactive play and footprint art experience sessions with the desire to provide a time and place where parents and children can create memories, adults can enjoy 'yuntaku' (Okinawan dialect for 'chatting'), and they can consult about child-rearing.

“When I was working at a nursery school as a new graduate, I hadn’t given birth to a child yet, and even when I talked to moms about how their children were doing, I was worried about whether it was really getting through to them. After I gave birth, I worked part-time, but I had mixed feelings, thinking, ‘It’s not me, the part-timer, who talks to the moms, it’s the homeroom teacher...’ and it was frustrating.

Now that I’ve become a sitter, I can talk to moms directly and deeply, and that’s what makes me happiest. I can feel that I am close to their worries and that I am being helpful.”

Message to moms

“I don’t want you to try to do it all by yourself.”

That is what Shiori wants to convey.

"Even if it's just a few hours a month. I want you to raise your children with someone else. I want you to rely on others before your heart snaps."

Because she once had days where she pushed herself too hard, she now stands on the side of those who need support.

"Don't try too hard to make everything perfect. Rely on people you can rely on, and rely on pre-made meals and eating out. Even while getting angry, crying, laughing, and living a hectic day-to-day life, I have come to cherish the present moments with my children."

Shiori says she is happy every day now. Deep within those calm words, the nights she held back tears and the voices that told her 'you're doing your best' are still very much alive.

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Magazine 'Working, My Way'
How have people overcome life's milestones such as marriage, childbirth, job changes, and career turning points? We interview people who have chosen their own way of working while facing changes in their environment and differences in their positions.

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