Why Increasing Consideration Doesn't Make Things Easier | It Wasn't the "Way of Engaging" That Caused the Exhaustion
I am supporting them properly. I have increased my check-ins and have been thoughtful about how I delegate tasks.
And yet, for some reason, it doesn't get any easier—.
In workplaces today, a structure is emerging where those who engage with the best intentions end up continuously taking on all the decision-making,
and quietly becoming exhausted.
In this article, we will temporarily set aside the assumption that "you are tired because your way of engaging is insufficient,"
and organize this sense of discomfort starting from the premises of systems, the workplace, and the organization.
I want those who have been working hard to read this without blaming themselves.
Why do I feel tired even though I am supporting them properly?
I feel like I check in with them more often than before.
I confirm how the work is progressing and organize things together if necessary.
I watch how they are doing, choose my words carefully, and think about the timing.
The number of situations requiring consideration has definitely increased.
Even for things I would have delegated in the past,
I now pause and think, "Will this be okay?"
I have more points to worry about, such as whether I am pushing them too hard or if it is becoming a burden.
I have also been thoughtful about how I delegate.
I add explanations so it doesn't feel like I'm just dumping the work on them,
and I keep an eye on them so I don't give them too much discretion.
I am also careful about the distance between us so that our relationship doesn't sour.
Even so, for some reason, it doesn't get any easier.
It's not that I'm engaging less,
in fact, I should be doing it more carefully,
yet a lingering, creeping fatigue remains within me.
You aren't tired because you aren't supporting them.
It is precisely because you have worked hard to engage with them
that something remains stuck.
Haven't you felt that way recently?
I have increased my engagement out of good intentions
First, I want to confirm that
the people who have increased their engagement up to this point
have by no means been neglecting anyone.
They haven't been coldly pushing them away either.
In fact, it is the opposite.
They have been engaging much more carefully than before.
They have increased the frequency of check-ins,
and if necessary, they confirm the progress together.
They haven't just dumped tasks when delegating,
but have adjusted while watching the other person's state.
"Does this look okay?"
"Should I follow up a bit more?"
Many people have surely taken the time to observe
while thinking things like that.
If there is a sign that work might stall,
they check in early.
They don't just do it once,
but follow up several times.
These are all actions born from the good intention
to keep the workplace running.
"I want to delegate properly."
"But I don't want to leave them completely on their own."
It is also the result of constantly trying to balance those two things.
That is why,
those who have increased their engagement
should be able to say, "I am not cutting corners."
If anything, they have done what they could.
Because they feel that way,
they are left feeling bewildered by the current state of not feeling any easier.
Putting the discomfort into words | But why doesn't it get easier?
Engagement has certainly increased.
Check-ins have increased, and follow-ups have become more thorough.
It's not that the relationship has worsened.
In fact, there is even a sense that it has become easier to talk than before.
And yet, for some reason, it doesn't get any easier.
There is no real sense that the work has improved significantly either.
For every bit of engagement I have increased,
the burden within me has quietly piled up.
Before I know it,
decisions and adjustments have gathered at my end.
"Is this progressing?"
"Should I check in soon?"
I am thinking about it constantly in the back of my mind.
Even when I am not working,
it is on my mind somewhere.
I cannot completely let go.
That state has, before I knew it, become the norm.
What emerges here is
a feeling that is a bit hard to say, but important.
Things won't run unless the person supporting is constantly hovering.
This state
is not happening because someone is being lazy.
It is not because support is insufficient.
It might be a structure that has emerged without us knowing,
as a result of engaging so carefully.
Perhaps the way of engaging is not the problem
At this point,
many people will look back at their own methods.
Was my way of checking in insufficient?
Was my way of communicating bad?
Is there still room for improvement in how I delegate?
In fact, many people have surely thought that
and reviewed the quantity and quality of their check-ins.
They changed the timing, chose their words, and tried to engage as carefully as possible.
Even so, it doesn't get easier.
Even if I improve how I delegate,
the feeling of the burden lifting doesn't remain.
Sometimes,
the more I increase my consideration,
the relationship can even feel a bit heavy.
The more I worry, the harder it becomes for both of us to move.
Here, I would like to pose a question.
Is the problem really the "way of engaging"?
If the way of engaging were the only cause,
there should be a moment somewhere where you feel, "This made it easier."
If that doesn't exist,
perhaps you need to look elsewhere.
At this stage, there is no need to provide an answer yet.
Just,
"Perhaps it is not just the way of engaging that needs to be reviewed."
It is enough to just keep that sense of discomfort in your heart for now.
It might be the "premises" that cause the exhaustion
If we organize what we have discussed so far,
one common point emerges.
That is,
how far to delegate.
how far to watch over.
where to intervene.
The point is that people are judging these
on the spot every time.
"Is it okay to delegate here?"
"Should I watch a bit longer?"
"Should I check in now, or should I wait?"
These judgments
are not written in a manual.
There is no clear correct answer either.
That is why the people engaging in the workplace
have decided each time while reading the situation.
This judgment itself is not bad.
In fact, those who try to engage carefully
have surely thought cautiously and taken on the responsibility.
However, there is one point here that is easy to overlook.
The more well-intentioned the management, the more easily judgments gather on individuals.
"For the sake of the other person."
"So as not to stop the workplace."
The more you think that way,
the more judgments gradually gather in the heads of specific people.
If this state continues,
the reason the fatigue doesn't go away
might not be a problem of method or engagement,
but because a gap has arisen in the very premises.
At this point, there is no need to force an answer.
Just,
"Perhaps what is causing the exhaustion is not the way of engaging, but the premises themselves."
Try setting one such hypothesis.
Just by doing that,
the direction you should think about next should become a little clearer.
Why do "judgments" gather?
Looking back at the discussion so far,
a certain common structure becomes visible.
That is,
how far to delegate.
how far to watch over.
where to intervene.
The structure is that people are taking on these judgments
each time.
"It seems okay to delegate this time."
"It might be better to follow up here."
"Should I check in now, or wait a little?"
These judgments
are not determined by rules or mechanisms.
While watching the situation at the workplace,
the people involved think and decide every time.
This method itself
is not wrong.
In fact, because they cared for the other person
and tried to keep the workplace running,
these are judgments that have been continued.
However, here is one point
that is easily overlooked.
The more well-intentioned the management, the more easily judgments gather on individuals.
The more you try to be considerate,
the more you try to pay attention,
the "role of thinking"
gathers in the heads of specific managers or supporters.
As a result,
even if you improve your way of engaging,
even if you increase your check-ins,
for some reason, only the burden remains.
If you are currently feeling,
"I am doing it properly, but it doesn't get easier,"
that might be a sign that it is not a problem of method or effort,
but that the very premises have shifted a little.
Here, there is no need to provide an answer yet.
Just,
what is causing the exhaustion
might not be the way of engaging itself,
but the premises that support that engagement.
Just keeping one such hypothesis
is enough.
If we organize the true nature of this discomfort
one step deeper,
there are things that become visible.
It is not because there is a lack of kindness
If you have read this far and
"Was my way of doing things insufficient?"
if you felt that way,
I would like you to pause for a moment.
The fatigue you are feeling now
is not because you lack ability,
nor because you lack resolve.
In fact,
it is fatigue that is occurring
precisely because you have faced it properly.
Watching the other person's state,
choosing words,
thinking about how to delegate,
and reaching out when you think it is necessary.
In the accumulation of those things,
without realizing it,
you may have just taken on many judgments.
Therefore,
"You should be kinder."
"You should try harder."
It is not a story like that.
If there is room for review,
it might be
not your attitude or feelings, but the mechanism where that kindness is the premise.
Here,
there is no need to rush to a conclusion.
Just,
"There is a place where you don't have to blame yourself."
I hope you can quietly take that feeling home with you.
When you are quietly
ready to move on to the next question,
please think about the rest again.
Then,
why does the state of "being tired even though I am supporting" occur?
There is an article that organizes that
not as a problem of individual attitude or effort,
but from the perspective of work premises and structure.
What is handled there is
"They should understand, but it doesn't progress."
"I intend to delegate, but the judgment returns to me."
It is about what is actually happening in such situations.
If you have even the slightest inkling of such feelings as
"I don't know how far I can delegate."
"Before I know it, I am continuously taking on the judgment."
please continue reading.
It does not force a way of thinking on you,
but summarizes perspectives that can be used to organize judgments.
This is an article that can be read as a "structural organization" rather than "individual ingenuity" for the rest of this.