The 46th Crimson of Infidelity

I'll confess.
I am a former idol.
And not just any, but the immovable center.

My member color was the crimson of infidelity.
My catchphrase was 'You can't make me fall for you'.
My main fan base was... university professors.

My joining the group was decided on the afternoon of Valentine's Day in my third year of university.
I was at an Indian curry restaurant near the university, and my eyes widened just as I finished licking half of a bright green lip.

──...46 Passed

I held up my smartphone like an imperial seal.

Friends were ecstatic, the Indian staff were buzzing, the whole restaurant was in an uproar!

“Congratulations!”
“बधाई हो!”

However, I felt like I was going to be crushed by anxiety and pressure.
More than that, overwhelmed by the celebratory mood, I drowned myself in alcohol that night.

──Congratulations on moving up a grade!

“There is nothing to be congratulated for!!!”
“Huh?”
“I mean... what is 'congratulations'? It's not a celebration, because I still... don't have the credits for Japanese Literature Reading I!”
“Wait, what is that?”
“Don't 'what is that' me! Never mind the course name! 'I'! One!”
“That's a course a Japanese Literature student should take in their first year...”
“Oh, as expected, you understand well!”
“But you moved up a grade, so isn't it fine?”
“Well, I guess...”
“Even so, I still have 48 credits left, you know? And Senior Tanaka is already on his first year of being held back, right?”

Don't try to one-up me with a teary face.
Besides, Senior Tanaka is a first-class repeater; he's in a different league than us.

...Wait, hey!
Is this the time to be praising or criticizing others?
Me from that day... no, wait, me!

I was rambling in someone's apartment, hugging my knees, cooking rice (why?), and generally going wild all night long.
*I will report in advance that I threw a hungover fit the next morning at the smell of rice cooking.

I was surprised the next morning.
Because a photo of me with my eyes blacked out was being spread furiously on social media.
Well, it was a major group, after all.
It settled down in no time.

That was a joke; to be precise,
“Seriously drunk on Horoyoi” along with my true catchphrase at the time, a photo of me with dead eyes and a face so red even a red demon would run away was just circulating in the group LINE.

Thus, I caused a drinking incident before joining,
skipped seminars—also known as handshake events—to work on my literary graduation thesis while living it up in Karuizawa, and while occasionally causing scandals like dating reports, I attended every live performance—also known as exams—and thrilled the fans.

As proof of that, I continued to reign as the immovable center for a year.

However, I was already feeling my limits as an idol.
Why, you ask...?

Because I am irreplaceable.
If I fall ill, all events stop.

I can no longer bear that kind of pressure.

That is why I have set my sights on this Valentine's Day.

I had decided.
That today is the day I will ask Mr. Fuyumoto Yasushi for my graduation.

──My smartphone plays a disturbing bubble soundbubble sound.
A blue S-mark pops up.

“Haaah! Give me chocolate!”
“Give me the chocolate!”

We are the shouting, heroic, remaining credit capturerscredit capturers(?) of the university.

Outside the window, it is snowing.
I am sick of the white piling up.

“Hey, Hishikawa-kun. Do you remember what I said?”
“The part about not joining because it’s lame to be a solo center?”
“Stop reciting every word perfectly without a hitch!”

Hey, that’s unreasonable.
It’s so unreasonable that it can’t be dismissed as just being in my early twenties or a youthful indiscretion.

And have you realized it yet?
The idol group I belonged to was Remaining Credits 46.
I am the only member.
In other words, a solo idol.
There is no fixed center; wherever I stand, that becomes the center.
Because there is no one else but me.

That is why I told you.
If I am not there, all activities will stop!

“But really, how many credits worth did you put in?”
“The max, the max of 48.”
“Give me the 2 credits if you have any left over!”
“There’s no such system! Besides, they’re only ones with no compatibility with business administration!”

I’m on the verge of whether I can graduate or not, so there’s no way I could hand them over to someone else.

“Anyway, what’s with ‘Remaining Credits 46’... at least something like ‘Slope 46 behind Building 8’, ah... uh...”
“Test! Test! I’m testing the mic!”
“Cut it out? You just blew my 46 idea!”

Even while we are fooling around like this, the fateful 2:00 PM is approaching moment by moment.

Unable to settle down, I bite into a chocolate bar.
Though I have the sensation of it melting on my tongue, I cannot taste it.

“Time to log in...”

Like accomplices, we open that forbidden door.

“Breakthrough complete.”
“Now that it has come to this...”

Relentless reloading until 2:00 PM.
Reload after reload.

“How is it?”
“It’s updating.”

However, it is white.
Outside the window, on the screen, in my exhaled breath, and in the people sending me messages of concern for fun.

"Give me chocolate, give me chocolate..."

Over the receiver, we craved abstract chocolate, and crushed and melted the chocolate as a physical reality.

And, the final reload...

His sorrowful sobbing was far sweeter than chocolate.

--Total credits scheduled to be earned: 48

--Credits earned this fiscal year................

48
*Of which, 2 credits are for courses subject to the student's graduation requirements, so 46 credits will be granted.

Total credits: 124/124

Decision: Degree conferred/Graduation

I closed my laptop so as not to disturb the silence of the snow.

"...It's the last stage."

I go outside.

A world of silver as far as the eye can see.
A true white, without a single footprint.

My semicircular canals show signs of rejection.
No matter how much I spin, I am the center.
Because there is only me.

When my body's balance finally collapsed, my knees sank into the white.

I crunch the soft snow and cool my hands.
The space between them is gradually, bit by bit, being dyed crimson.

"You cannot make me fall..."

I stained the snow with a nosebleed caused by eating too much chocolate, which has no medical basis.

And thus, the 46th remaining unit met its dissolution.

It is said that no one followed in their footsteps after that.

↑
This one is a Valentine's Day short story.

↑
This is a rare romance novel I wrote.

↑
A literary youth from the Taisho era sometimes falls ill and sometimes doesn't.

↑
A gigolo who writes a suicide note every birthday curses the world.

[Excuse]
I wrote something diary-like for the first time in a while.
It's difficult.

↑
What kind of mood was I in when I wrote things like this!

I'm reflecting on the fact that my escapism has gone on a bit too long.

↑
Written by Yukio-sama.
You mustn't let your guard down.
You mustn't be lulled by the rhythm of words with a gentle face.
Foreshadowing?
There isn't any, is there?
It's laid out with a face like that.
If you're not careful, you'll take a spectacular fall at the end!