Is "I have to do it" proof that you don't trust others? The truth about the "boundaries" behind your hard work

Being able to work hard is a good thing.

Don't you think so?

But in reality, that hard work
might be a sign that you are
stepping too far into someone else's territory.

What if the things you do with good intentions
are actually infringing on others without you realizing it...?

"I have to do it"
"I feel guilty when I rest"
"I get anxious if I can't meet expectations"

In your daily life, like this,
for your children, for your work,
don't you find yourself pushing yourself too hard?

Working hard until you are exhausted every day,
only to realize the day has ended in the blink of an eye.

Actually, this is a problem of "mental structure."

What is happening inside you while you are working so hard?

Today, I will unravel the reasons behind your hard work.

Why do you push yourself beyond your limits?

In the first place, people who work too hard
are very kind and prone to worry.

And deep down in their hearts, they often
harbor these thoughts.

・I must do more (or I won't be acknowledged)
・I must do more (or I am a failure)

The anxiety that "I might not be loved for who I really am."

When this anxiety is at the root,
the boundaries between yourself and others
inevitably become blurred.
As a result, you work too hard.

Attachment issues are involved here.

For example,
if your boss is in a bad mood,
you might find yourself thinking,
"Did I do something wrong?"
You might try to probe the situation,
try to confirm that you are okay,
or try to act to fix your boss's bad mood.

This is a state where, out of fear of being disliked,
you cross the other person's boundaries
and take on the burden of cleaning up
someone else's emotions (their problems).

You subconsciously believe that setting boundaries
is cold or wrong,
so you step into the other person's territory
and go out of your way to serve them.

But that
is not your job to do.
It is the other person's problem.
Whatever mood the other person is in,
it has nothing to do with you.

…That said, these boundaries,
are hard to draw well, which is why they're so troubling….
I was one of those people too.

Previously, at work, there was a certain
internal project.

I was juggling my original work plus extra
within the time limit, completely buried in work.
I was exhausted every day.

But one day, I suddenly became calm and
thought, "Is it really necessary to work this hard?"

This hard work was the result of
taking on things that weren't necessary.
Beyond what I was supposed to do,
I was even thinking about my colleagues' shares,
wondering if it should be this way or that way.
I was in a state of constant thinking.

At that moment,
"Oh, maybe I didn't trust my colleagues."
I thought that.

And that by taking it all on myself,
I wasn't respecting my colleagues.

When I accepted that, the tension in my shoulders just melted away.

Since I thought I was working hard and acting out of good intentions,
it was an event that made me feel ashamed in my heart.

A culture shock in a good way.

Since then, I've become conscious of boundaries.

Maybe I've started to be able to draw boundaries little by little?

Just the other day, I smoothly declined a
somewhat unreasonable request from a colleague.


I thought it might be a bit cold.
But for myself, who was trying to firmly draw a boundary,
somehow, a feeling of happiness welled up.
"This is okay."

The perspective of "Am I infringing on the other person?"

Behind "working hard" is the problem of
not being able to draw boundaries well
(taking on the other person's problems).

In other words, it also means
that there was no trust in the other person,
or that they weren't being respected.

When you find yourself working too hard,
it might be difficult to stop and pause.

That is precisely why you should consciously
turn your attention to
how your boundaries are.

"Am I infringing on the other person?"
"Is this something I should be doing?"

This perspective
really helps you notice
unnecessary hard work.

Let's change how you use your "energy"

We still live in a society where "effort" and "self-sacrifice"
are glorified.
Even if it's not put into words, there is peer pressure
that demands you "work hard."

And those who work hard also seek
rewards like "a place to belong" or "approval"
by working hard.
Our interests have aligned with each other.

But, is that
really what you want—approval from others?
Does that satisfy you?

Being able to "work hard" to the limit
is your strength, which has allowed you to survive
the harsh life you've lived so far.

For your life from here on, I hope you will use that overflowing energy,
not "just" to protect others,
but to protect yourself and make yourself happy.

I am also shifting gears
to "for myself."

Little by little, little by little.

Let's move forward together!

You want to stop the pain, you want to change, you want to do something about it.
That feeling is your true potential, your true nature.

It is the power to grasp yourself and create hope and a future.

In this note, I share ways of thinking to help you cherish yourself and
live life on your own terms.

If you like what you read,
please let me know by clicking 'like' or following me!

I don't know my true feelings.

I want to change, but I can't.

At times like that, rather than adding something new,
it might be necessary to
listen closely to your own emotions.

"I want to know my true feelings better."
"I want to reconnect with my authentic self."

For those who feel this way.

I have compiled the practical exercises I actually used
to regain my emotions when I didn't understand my own feelings.

By building up these exercises,
I
have reduced my self-denial and worrying about what others think.
I have also become able to
express my true feelings to others,
and I worry less about human relationships.

To live life as your true self,
you must first start by facing your own feelings.