Et Cetera Regarding the Court Noble

A "court noble" lives in my parents' house.
Yes, a court noble. The kind of court noble who looks like they belong in gagaku music and wearing sokutai robes.

The protagonist of this story is that "court noble," my nephew, Yamabuki.

Thanks to the fact that the source of our family's illness, my father Kunio—the "alien"—was swept away into the muddy currents of the Sanzu River with a hairstyle like Dr. Wily from Mega Man, my mother Sumire shouted 'Banzai!' three times, jumped for joy (Note 1), and began living a carefree life alone. Bereavement is the ultimate divorce (Note 2).

Note 1: To be so happy that you feel like jumping.

Note 2: In the case of the twisted 'Yanase family,' where there isn't even 0.01% of affection. My family is just an outlier; in a normal household, such words would never come up. A drama of the same name, 'The Ultimate Divorce,' was once broadcast, and I couldn't help but love Eita. He is the pinnacle of the 'salt-face' look, as salty as high-grade hokke fish.

It goes without saying that no one in the family is sad; if anything, we felt as relieved as if a massive piece of impacted stool had finally been passed. Even when I told the few relatives and acquaintances I was in contact with that he had passed away, instead of feeling sorry, they all teared up and said, 'That's great news!' so you can probably understand how poor his prognosis was. This is what they mean by a 'poor prognosis' in the truest sense. Any other prognosis would be kicked to the curb by comparison.

Despite that, thanks to Takashi Fujii and Otoha appearing together looking so happy, my mother Sumire ended up living with her grandson Yamabuki starting this April. In short, one thing led to another.

At the end of the season, with snow still on the ground, the entrance exam war—like driving a jeep at 185 km/h through a blizzard—reached its final phase, and Yamabuki's school was finally decided. It was a battle as long as a childbirth. It goes without saying that the person taking the exams is the one suffering the most, but suffering even more was my older sister Ayame, who was managing the household with skill and honesty while dealing with the prickly court noble.

She must have had immeasurable stress. When I saw Ayame after a long time, she was wilted and gaunt, like a bell pepper that had been microwaved, a common sight in quick-recipe videos. Some people often say, 'Even if you work part-time, being a full-time housewife is easy, right?' but I don't think there is anything more exhausting than being a full-time housewife with nowhere to vent your stress.

If something bad happens in your private life, you can't escape to work, and if something bad happens at work, you can't escape to your private life. With nowhere for all those arrows to go, they end up boomeranging back and piercing you while you're tied up hand and foot. I thought about whether I could somehow make things easier for my sister, but since that was the responsibility of having a 'family' that she had chosen, I had no choice but to listen without offering unnecessary advice.

My feelings of respect and awe remain unchanged; my older sister is someone to be unconditionally revered. Nothing good comes from rebelling. I hope all the younger brothers across the country understand this feeling.

The school conference between my mother and sister reached a state of total confusion. The school Yamabuki chose just happened to be within commuting distance from the 'Yanase house,' living alone would be impossible without a heavy part-time job, and considering the astronomical tuition fees that would require more eyes than I have to even look at, living alone was out of the question... but even if he lived with us... while they were dithering back and forth, Sumire's habit of 'trying to be a people-pleaser' kicked in.

'Why don't you just live together!'
Once she said it, one thing led to another, and they ended up living together. My sister had also asked, 'Would it be okay if he lived with you?' so it was a response to that, in a way.

My sister even went as far as to call me, since I live away from my parents' home, to politely confirm, 'Hey, would it be okay if Yamabuki boarded at Su-chan's (Note 3) place?' She is a truly thoughtful and wonderful woman. I'm really glad we aren't rivals competing for the same man. Thoughtfulness is a love that should be praised, and I am unable to direct that much love toward others.

Note 3: A nickname invented by my mother, Sumire, who didn't want to be called 'Grandma.' Before I knew it, not just her grandson, but the whole family started calling her 'Su-chan.' If you think about it calmly, it's a bit strange. Apparently, there are families where 'A-chan' is derived from 'Obaachan.' Once, at the fresh fish section of an Aeon mall, when a child shouted 'A-chan!', several people named 'A-chan' turned around. Unfortunately, neither Nocchi nor Kashiyuka were there.

If I were to say to my mother, who agrees to everything too easily, 'You're trying to be a people-pleaser again...', she would surely retort, 'That's not true at all!!' But even though she says 'Sure, okay!' to everything under the sun, it was self-evident that she wasn't actually at peace with it. How many years do you think I've been your son?

For the first three months, Sumire was actually more cautious than Yamabuki, who was the one living there, and as expected, she called me to vent, her stress having exploded. I thought, 'See! I told you so!' but there was no need to say that out loud, so I just picked at my nose and listened, offering responses like a child's telephone counseling service: 'Uh-huh, I see. That must have been unpleasant, how troublesome. Uh-huh. You really have to be firm about that. Setting boundaries is important. Right? Uh-huh.' Why is it so satisfying to peel off a scab after a nosebleed? I can't forget the pleasure of it coming off smoothly like a piece of liver. What was I talking about again?

In the end, by the time half a year had passed, we had both gotten used to living our own ways at a comfortable pace. Yamabuki, who tended to hole up in his room at first, started coming down to the civilization1st floor more often. I learned later that even when he was at his parents' house, he preferred spending time in spaces where other people were rather than in his own room. He's a sweet kid. Well, he is a court noble, though...

Since then, he started leaving his personal belongings all over the house. It started with textbooks, then his backpack, and laundry that he'd folded but wouldn't take away, gradually invading our living space. According to Ayame, 'That's marking his territory (lol),' which was proof that he had adapted to the environment. He really is a sweet kid. Though, I wish he'd take his laundry away already. Well, he is a court noble, after all...

When it was decided that my nephew Yamabuki would live with my mother, we hit a snag regarding what to do about the TV. That's because he was going to use my old 8-tatami room, which had a sign on it that said '{President's Office'. Of course, in this warped, 40-year-old wooden trick-art house—where if you dropped a marble, it would accelerate like something out of Initial D on the Nakayama Pass in winter—no such grand title as 'President' exists. As if! If a president lived in a place like this, that would truly be the end. It's at a level where even the 'Crab Cannery Ship' would have more hope. I think the tilt of this house is a metaphor for the 'Yanase family's' hand-to-mouth existence. Damn it!

And so, there was a bit of a fuss in welcoming Yamabuki.

I, Kikyo, ended up having to prepare the room via remote control from northern Ezo. Well, this was a mistake. We both ended up frustrated and exhausted. I'd like to write a separate article about this incident someday. It's not really worth writing about separately, but well, if I remember, someday.

One thing I can say is that it doesn't matter what kind of curtains you have. The ugly person scratching their head and throwing a tantrum in the Nitori curtain aisle while looking at the instruction LINE message from my sister was none other than me. Since he's only going to live there for four years, why bother being so picky about curtains! Any pattern should be fine, right!

This ridiculous plate is stuck onto a door that looks like a wooden shack. Carefully, with super glue. The one who stuck it there was none other than my sister and Yamabuki's mother, AyameAyame. Even after all this time, it still says 'President's Office.' I really think she has quite the personality; she's a woman who spent her youth in the early Heisei era, her attitude is just different.

As for Yamabuki himself, even from the perspective of his uncle, without any bias, he grew up to be a very, ve～ry good kid. He did, but he sometimes unconsciously... takes an arrogant and insolent attitude, more like “letting others test the stone bridge before crossing it leisurely himself” than 'looking before you leap,' and Ayame calls him a 'Court Noble' with a mix of sarcasm and affection. According to Ayame, 'I might have raised him too carefully... I've given birth to an incredible monsterman...' and I didn't know what to say to my sister, who had a distant look in her eyes. I think you should just laugh, sister.

'Well, he is the firstborn... and the eldest son, after all...' I replied noncommittally, trying to gloss over it, which is pretty typical of me. I should apologize to all the firstborn eldest sons in the country; if this were the National Diet, an early dissolution would be inevitable.

Both my sister and I think, 'This kid is definitely going to get a rude awakening someday...', but the person in question lives life with such efficiency that it's hard to believe he has the 'Yanase' blood in him. The unknown generation is powerful. The two of us, battered by the employment ice age and the 'yutori' education system, feel a complex mix of emotions while biting into our handkerchiefs.

For the sake of Yamabuki's honor, I must say that he is truly incredibly honest and friendly, and he is so smart that it's hard to believe he has the ominous, cursed 'Yanase' blood in him. Although there are definitely glimpses of the insensitive buds inherited from his brother-in-law Suisen, his mother is Ayame, who is a collection of the few good parts of the 'Yanase' blood, so it is only natural that he has inherited mostly winning elements. Needless to say, I am composed of losing elements, like a bingo card that has four rows of 'reach' but never hits. Otherwise, I wouldn't be a middle-aged person who looks like a New Year's fukuwarai game that's been messed around with. Damn it!

Above all, Yamabuki is overwhelmingly good-looking. He is a handsome guy, so he has a good exterior. In any case, he is the type of person who is liked by others. It's easy to understand if you think of him as an honest little devil walking around in clothes (though there are various theories). Since people flock to him even when he's silent, he might actually be a robot from Earth Corporation. Even though he is a court noble.

I'll say it again, he really is a good kid.
Even though he is a court noble.

New school enrollment and moving are expensive.

When we were having a moving meeting where the heartwarming nature of a sister-brother call was nowhere to be found, Ayame complained, 'Daidai (nephew 2, second son) is using the TV on the second floor (of the current house), so I can't take it with me, and I have to buy a TV, the expenses are just...'. Just to be clear, it wasn't a nuance of implicitly pressuring me to 'give it to me?', but really just the temperature of 'I'm in trouble...'.

They say blood is thicker than water, and like my mother Sumire, I ended up saying, 'I hardly ever watch the TV I have at home, so do you want to take it?'

What a foolI am!

It's not that I wanted to look good, but I said it based on my own mysterious theory that since I was addicted to YouTube and hardly ever watched TV, the TV would be happy to fulfill its original duty if someone actually watched it. I think Japanese people have a tendency to give personalities to inanimate furniture and objects, especially when they are making excuses. If God punishes you for leaving a grain of rice, that's just a case of God having a terrible working environment.

Here, suddenly, let's look at the history of the TVs I've used.

＿人人人人人人人人人人人＿
＞ You're not using it?! ＜
￣Y^Y^Y^Y^Y^Y^Y^Y^Y^￣

You've got to be kidding me, seriously?

I repeated it twice because it's important.
I tried writing it down, but I really thought I was an idiot. Mostly me.
I am a hopeless, massive fool.

Even though you know you won't end up watching it after you buy it! Just to get rid of that sense of discomfort in the room! Buying it! Over and over again!

A creature like me is truly messed up. Otherwise, it wouldn't make sense.
As a mere machine for producing excrement that exhales CO2, don't gotalkingabout the discomfort of a room.Catalonia is in Spain. So what is this conversation even about? It's infuriating.

Perhaps I was born gay so that I wouldn't pass on these stupid, inferior genes—which are too clever and presumptuous to even be called a legacy—to the next generation. I'd actually prefer it that way. If I reproduced something like this, the world would break.

By the way, the weird shopping is only for TVs; I can proudly say that my other shopping is sensible. This, at least, is the real deal, no matter what anyone says. ...Though I don't have the pectoral muscles to puff out my chest. By the way, can men with breasts defy gravity without wearing a bra? Don't their Cooper's ligaments snap?

...I'd even bet this Casio Mini on my own sensibility.

For the past few days, I've been wanting a monitor again and it's been on my mind.
I know what you're going to say. Not again.

It feels like, 'How long are you going to keep talking about the same thing?', but I suddenly thought: Why don't I take back the 32-inch Hisense TV I 'lent' to Yamabuki and use that as a PC monitor...?

I can immediately come up with excuses like a snot-nosed elementary schooler, saying, 'I didn't give it to you! I just lent it to you!' Even though I can't get a self-promotion essay out like impacted stool. Besides paying off my credit card bill at the end of the month, what other reason is there for a statement of purpose?

However, I wonder how it would be to use a TV as a PC monitor.

I feel like 32 inches might be a bit too big for a monitor. I wonder if there are any brothers or sisters out there who use it this way. There's also the issue of resolution. This TV is FHD (Full High Definition). I've heard that if it's not a resolution higher than FHD but less than 4K, text can be hard to see. If I half-snatch it from Yamabuki and find it's 'actually not that great...', there's a risk that the mediocre TV will just end up smoldering and hanging in limbo at home. That would be annoying and a waste.

This is Kyu-Kurarin.

And to carry this out, I need to politely decline my sister and nephew, and above all, I have to return to my parents' house at least once. I've been keeping my distance since the New Year's commotion, so I'd rather not go back if I can help it. Or rather, if I go back and the JR lines stop due to heavy snow, that would truly be the end of it. I just learned that 'ikkan no owari' (the end of the roll) is the correct usage, not 'ikkan no owari' (the end of the consistency). So, what was I talking about?

Suppose I manage to clear the first hurdle and decide to bring it home. Of course, I no longer have the box it came in, and it's impossible to carry it on the JR train. As for realistic options, the only ones that come to mind are using my parents' car or using Times Car Share. Or, if I want to be fancy, taking a taxi. That would be way too counterproductive.

Using roads where traffic jams and accidents are frequent due to this heavy snow? When there's a possibility of more heavy snow this weekend? Isn't that unrealistic? Besides, no matter how much I wrap it in blankets to transport it, by the time I arrive, there's a possibility it could be shattered to pieces like a Choco-Baky, thanks to the impact from the bumpy roads.

In the end, I'm writing this note right now because I can't suppress my material desires, which are like those of an adolescent middle schooler. Knowing me, even if I were to buy it, it's obvious that once it arrives, I'd be satisfied just by the fact that it arrived and wouldn't even open it.

But still, I really want it.
In terms of material desire, perhaps I am an arrogant court noble myself.

♬ Nagisa ni Matsuwaru Et Cetera / PUFFY

A super luxurious song with lyrics by Yosui Inoue and music by Tamio Okuda.
8cm CDs from this era were cute.
Though I've only ever seen them with Dango 3 Kyodai.