Even as a Widow in Her Sixties, I Won't Give Up on Life [#1 Matching Site Report]

As I confessed in a recent post where I was whispering to my late husband, I decided to register on a matching site. In Japan, people might frown upon someone my age doing this, but hey, why not? It's a new challenge!

Life is short! Today is the youngest day of my life, so I can't afford to put things off. And since this is exactly what the husband who loved me would have wanted, I'm gathering my courage to take that first step.

There is a small reason why I made that decision. It would have been unthinkable for me before my husband and I started traveling to Caribbean resorts together.

For the past seven or eight years, my husband and I frequently visited Caribbean resorts. The inspiration we received there was immense. I think that comes across in the article I wrote for my birthday.

The resorts we visited were for adult couples only. I often heard stories from the wonderful couples we met there about how they had met on matching sites (also known as dating sites).

When I first heard that, I was surprised that it wasn't just for young people, but for older couples too. But when you think about it, more than half of Americans get divorced, so dating sites aren't just a privilege for the young; there seems to be quite a demand among seniors as well.

The couples we met at the resorts were quite mature, yet they were still in a loving mood, perhaps because many of them were newlyweds from remarriages or couples in the midst of a passionate romance.

For us, a couple who had been married for a long time and were in a rut, the stories we heard from them were stimulating. Seeing them getting along regardless of their age was dazzling and enviable, and it made me realize that it's a wonderful thing to be in love no matter how old you are. Those encounters during our travels changed me, who had been very conservative, in many ways.

Three years ago, we enjoyed dinner with a couple we hit it off with and talked in the hot tub until late at night. They were both divorced with children and had met and married through a matching site. They told me the name of a certain site, ♥♥♥, saying, 'It might be irrelevant to you for the rest of your lives, but if you ever happen to get divorced, I recommend the matching site where we met. Because we are happy now.'

My husband, who remembered that, smiled bitterly one day last year after he had already been diagnosed with cancer and said jokingly, 'When I'm gone, find yourself a good man on ♥♥♥.' I suppose he said that because he was worried about me being alone after he was gone.

'You don't realize it yourself, but you still have charm as a woman, you're in good shape for your age, you have great housekeeping skills, and you have a high capacity to make a man happy and are very patient. I've never seen a wife better than you, so if you feel like it, you'll surely be fine! I'd hate for you to forget me, but if someone you like appears, use those skills on him too. Share them.'

He started saying this even though I hadn't asked. He was never the type to praise people, let alone me, so I was surprised and wondered, 'Has he finally gone crazy?' It was as if he were trying to reassure himself that I would be okay...

I knew very well that he was worried about my future, so I put on a fake smile and said, 'I understand. I'll try my best, so you don't need to worry about such distant things,' but I could tell it wasn't just a joke, and it just made me feel so sad.

I think that my answering him positively was the greatest comfort to my husband at that time.

The 43 years we spent together since we met make up the majority of my life's history, so the sadness of losing him won't disappear easily. But no matter how much I miss him or think of him, it is a reality that he has vanished from this world. After all, no matter how much I mutter and talk to him about our many memories, there is no response...

I've been thinking about it ever since he passed away.
Why he went out of his way to leave those words behind.
How I am going to live from now on.

Living with my son and his wife is very comfortable, but my son is my child and cannot replace my husband. While I feel relieved to be free from my mischievous husband, I also feel the loneliness of knowing that there is no one left in this world who will protect me above all else.

As of now, I haven't found any answers.

What I do know is that while I don't need to remarry, I don't necessarily need to be alone either. If I can meet a reliable partner to replace my husband, I think that would be a wonderful thing.

With my past experience and long history of living in the U.S., my sensibilities might be a bit different from the average Japanese person, but as a woman who has become single, I've started to think that it would be nice to build new relationships in various forms where I can easily enjoy every moment of life.

As a first step, I registered on a matching site, so I will be posting reports and ramblings here from time to time.