The house my husband dreamed of was completed by the whole family [#14 Stories about the house]

Once I realized that giving up was not an option, there was nothing left to do but move forward!! This house was designed by my husband to make the rest of his life the best it could be, but it is too big for me to live in alone.

After all, it is on a plot of land larger than half of the Tokyo Dome, and the house is about 150 tsubo (approx. 5,300 sq ft) in floor area. If I were to live here all by myself, the maintenance would be a nightmare, and I would undoubtedly feel twice as lonely, so just imagining it makes me want to cry. I spent every day going around and around in circles, thinking until my head felt like it would split.

My eldest son and his wife, who had returned from Texas in the summer to help us through our battle with illness after my husband's cancer was discovered, decided to finish the house and live there with me.

They had originally returned with the intention of living with us for a while, thinking I wouldn't be able to handle the battle with illness on my own. Since they seemed to like their life in Dallas, Texas, my feeling was that after my husband was gone, they should just go back to their own lives.

As a mother, it pains me to think that they would have to make sacrifices for my sake.

"My work has become fully remote, so I can work from anywhere as long as I have an internet connection. Besides, COVID has changed a lot of values. Living in the city doesn't necessarily mean you can have the same life you had before. Since Dad worked so hard on this house, let's take it over. At least for a while, why don't we try living here? We'll figure it out. Plus, I actually like this house, even if it is a bit unusual."

Hearing those words made my heart feel much lighter.

That's right, I don't need to overthink it. And let's be positive!!

I started to feel that I should first be grateful for my son and his wife's words and their initiative, and try moving in that direction!! The reason I was able to overcome this difficult challenge while carrying the weight of my loss was because my son and his wife said they would carry this burden with me.

Once that was decided, I thought I should stop trying to stick to my husband's obsessions and shift to a house that we could enjoy more. That said, the design was already finished, and a contract is a contract. Most of the materials had already been purchased, so it wasn't like we could make dramatic changes. Still, we decided that we could do whatever we liked with the unfinished parts, and we started working on the remaining decisions while putting our heads together with my son and his wife.

However, it's not that I have no worries at all. With my husband's passing, I will receive a small amount of life insurance, but I am anxious when I think about the mortgage and taxes that I will have to pay from now on.

The moment he passed away, my husband's salary, which had been deposited twice a month, stopped. As someone who lived as my husband's dependent, I also lost my health insurance. It was good news that "you can continue your health insurance under the same conditions for the next three years if you pay the premiums," but the premium came out to $574 per month. (The US medical system & health insurance is terrifying!!)

And so, every time I was hit with one financial anxiety after another, I felt a sense of helplessness at the magnitude of the homework left behind, and a situation continued where my stomach felt like it was going to go bad from the irrepressible grief and anger of "how could you leave me behind and pass away."

Even so, the reason I was able to keep from falling apart mentally and physically was that even after my husband passed away on October 7th, I didn't have to be alone, as I was staying at my daughter and her husband's house. Every weekend, I would return to our home 150km away with my daughter and her husband to start cleaning up the house while also sorting through my husband's belongings.

I had told the landlord of the rental house where we had lived for four years since 2016 that we would move out when the house was completed in the fall, but my husband's passing threw all our plans into disarray. We couldn't move out until the house was finished, but the rent was no joke. So, we decided to move out of the rental in December.

Moving during the COVID pandemic was tough, but my daughter and sons all helped me. I have written about the outcome before ⬇.

[The first dumpster wasn't enough, and the second one was also filled to the brim]

The amount of my husband's possessions was incredibly huge. We disposed of many unnecessary items, and I decided to have only the things I needed placed in the giant garage that was under construction. The ridiculously huge garage came in a little handy here.

As for the construction-related matters of the house that my husband had been handling, I passed the baton to my son and his wife, who are renting an apartment near the site.

My son discussed things with Tom, the site supervisor, and we decided to leave the deck, flooring, and countertops, which my husband was supposed to DIY himself, to Tom.

Although the posts for what was supposed to be an incredibly large deck had already been set, we had them ignore those posts and reduce the size to about a third.

Since we would be living with my son and his wife and their two white dogs, we chose a slightly lighter gray flooring material so that shed fur wouldn't be as noticeable.

Due to budget constraints, I worried about changing the countertops to laminate, but my son said, 'If we skimp too much and make the whole house look cheap, won't that lower the value of the house? We should spend money where it's needed,' so we decided on granite countertops as my husband had hoped.

The construction, which had stalled, slowly began to move forward in that way, and we cleared the bank appraisals that were conducted each time. The well water quality test was fine, and the installation of the septic tank was completed. We had the refrigerator, washer, dryer, and other items we chose with my son delivered to the site one after another, and they were installed with my son present.

It took about half a year since my husband's passing, but we moved forward step by step.

[The master bedroom my husband dreamed of will be used by my son and his wife]

In this way, we happily reached the final handover day in late April, and although it was nearly a year later than the completion date originally contracted, my new life with my son and his wife began on May 1st.

[#15 Stories about the house] continues