[Childcare] Our Family's "Dual Parental Leave" Shift-Based Childcare Schedule | Ensuring Solid Sleep | 0y1m | C-10

After the baby was born, the situation was:
1. Discharged from the hospital on the 6th day
2. Lived at home for about 10 days
3. Stayed at my wife's parents' house for about two weeks (between the 2-week checkup and the 1-month checkup)
So, our life at home really started again when the baby was one month old.

After step 3, I also started my parental leave, so I will introduce our two-person childcare schedule.

Two-person childcare schedule

Now, the schedule right after discharge was based on the premise thatboth Mom and Dad would be sleep-deprived, and on top of that, we were exhausted from the anxiety and the unfamiliarity of childcare.

When we returned home from the stay at my wife's parents' house, my parental leave began, and our "two-person system" of childcare began anew.

The baby's life at that time was:
• 8 feedings a day
(roughly every 3 hours, formula-fed)
• Usually sleeping when not being fed
• For some reason, screaming every time he urinated
• A walk of 30 minutes to an hour in the evening
That's how we spent our days.

We tried setting up our schedule at that time like this.

Prioritizing getting enough rest (sleep) above all else, we divided it into:
• Dad: Night shift
• Mom: Day shift
so thatboth of us could get 7 hours of continuous rest.

Compared to the schedule right after discharge, where we were alternating between:
A: Dad gets 4-5 hours of sleep + naps
B: Mom gets 4-5 hours of sleep + naps
it was moving to see how much more余裕 (leeway) we had when we could both focus on childcare together.

Schedule closer to reality

Even though we planned to get plenty of rest, the other party was a one-month-old baby, so there were often times when he would cry unexpectedly or the feedings would drift from the "every 3 hours" schedule.

So, here is the schedule that is closer to reality.

You might think there are a lot of "snacks" listed, but there is a reason for this.

There is a reason, so please listen.

It's not that thing where you just end up eating sweets because you're home all the time.

This is not an excuse.

When you are on duty alone, if you want to properly spread out a "meal" and eat it, you are limited to menus that you can finish quickly after assessing the baby's condition.

...When that happens, it's hard to gauge the baby's condition, so it's easy to end up feeling like,
"I don't know when they'll start crying next... I'll just grab a waffle...
".

Because of that, I only ate one proper "meal" for dinner, and the rest of the time I just got by with "light snacks."

Meetings lasted about 4 hours a day

So that we could "make decisions alone" if something happened during our "solo shift," we held daily meetings to discuss things we could anticipate in advance, such as milk and diaper changes.

Between shift handovers and mealtimes, I think we spent about 4 hours in total talking things over.

Whether this is long or short depends on
whether you were a couple who talked a lot to begin with,
but...

Thanks to talking things through thoroughly beforehand, I think we were able to minimize the sparks that lead to: ・Complaining after a handover like, "Why didn't you do such-and-such?" ・Pointing things out while the other person is working like, "Wouldn't it be better not to do it that way?"

Challenges of a shift system

Is a two-person system (shift system) all good? Not necessarily; there are other sides to it.

The pressure to "let the other person sleep!"

One issue is the immense pressure when the baby starts crying loudly while your partner is sleeping, thinking, "I'll wake them up! I have to calm the baby down quickly!"

From the newborn stage through early infancy, "crying = needing milk or a diaper change" is often the case, but sometimes they won't stop crying even after you pick them up, and you don't know why...

Can Mom and Dad provide the same level of care?

Since the main care for a baby at this age is feeding milk or changing diapers, there might not be much of a "difference" in how Mom and Dad handle things.

That said, everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and things they are or aren't suited for, so if there is a specific task you are bad at, it might be better to "divide roles" rather than being tied to a shift system.

In our family's case: ・Mainly Mom's responsibility: Trimming nails ・Mainly Dad's responsibility: Caring for the boy's delicate zone.

What to do about breastfeeding

Our boy was exclusively formula-fed at this time, so we could leave the entire night shift to Dad, but in the case of breastfeeding, skipping one feeding is about the limit, and you might need to breastfeed or pump.

When we first left the hospital, we were doing "breast milk + formula," so Mom only "skipped one night feeding" and would breastfeed in the early morning.

Summary

In this post, I introduced our childcare schedule when our baby was about one month old, with both mom and dad taking parental leave.

Regarding how to handle childcare, I believe that there are as many right ways as there are families, and there is no right or wrong way, but I would be happy if this could serve as a reference for someone, even just in part, someday.

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