Something more pathetic than trying to look young: The pain of clinging to beauty and the 'inner self that seeps into appearance'
Are you concerned about your appearance?
There was a phrase that became popular a while ago: '90% of a person is their appearance.'
In my previous articles, 'Deep Sea Hero' and 'Deep Sea Pearl,' I wrote about what's on the inside.
However, that article alone might have seemed like a cliché piece saying, 'What's on the inside is what matters.'
It is true that what's on the inside is important.
But—I believe that appearance is just as important.
The previous articles were divided by gender👇
🎩 A good man = Deep Sea Hero 👇
💎 A good woman = Deep Sea Pearl 👇
Appearance is the 'minimum requirement' for both men and women
What is necessary for appearance is not innate facial features or expensive brands.
Cleanliness, basic management of one's physique, posture, and aura.
Whether or not you have these things changes people's impressions of you significantly.
If you abandon self-care by dressing like a 'Kuidaore Taro doll' or adopting a 'Kuro-chan style,' the goodness of your inner self will not be conveyed.
Appearance is an 'external manner' and a basic requirement as a human being.
Hiroyuki also said this.
'For men in particular, as long as you aren't bald and overweight, you'll be fine. That alone makes you look younger and even handsome.'
I think this is the essence. What's important about appearance isn't your specs, but the minimum level of self-management.
Even a handsome man is ruined if he lacks confidence
No matter how well-defined your facial features are, if you lack confidence, you will look ruined.
If your eyes are darting around, your voice is small, and your posture is hunched—you won't look attractive.
If you only say safe things when asked for an opinion and seem to be constantly holding back, I wouldn't want to be with you.
There is a limit to fishing for women using only the bait of being handsome.
Ultimately,the state of your inner self determines how your appearance is perceived, rather than your physical specs.
Therefore, 'good looks = attractive' is not the case; rather,how your inner self is translated to the outsideis everything.
The pitfall of people who say 'what's on the inside is what matters'
Some people write on apps or profiles, 'I value what's on the inside more than appearance.'
It sounds correct at first glance, but I feel a sense of discomfort.
People who truly value what's on the inside don't go out of their way to say it.
By writing that, it becomes aself-admission that they lack confidence in their appearance.Furthermore, their
prejudice and inferiority complexthat 'people who care about appearance are shallow' also shine through.
In the first place, the inner self and the outer appearance cannot be separated.
The inner self always seeps to the outside, and one's features change in proportion to what is inside.
The more one emphasizes that 'the inside is what matters,' the more one's shallowness actually stands out.
The inner self is diverse for everyone
Of course, the inner self itself differs from person to person.
Some are drawn to drive and humor, while others find light in sincerity and intelligence.
Some people attract others with their expressiveness and presence, while others do so with their warmth and depth.
In other words, the ways the inner self shines are diverse.
Features are proportional to the inner self
One's natural features are merely the starting point.
What determines the difference thereafter is the inner self.
A lack of confidence and feelings of inferiority cloud one's expression,
while sincerity and humor cultivate one's facial features and atmosphere.
Even Gen Hoshino was not initially in the 'handsome guy' category.
However, his musicality, sincerity, and humor polished his appearance, and now he is called an 'attractive person.'
Conversely, no matter how well-formed one's features are, after the age of 35, the differences in one's inner self become etched into the face and atmosphere.
You have all experienced this, haven't you?
It is not because of the age itself.
Some people gain depth, while others look disappointing.
How you live is translated directly into your features. That is the reality.
Something more vulgar than trying to look young
There are people who desperately keep polishing only their appearance so that they will be seen as young even as they age.
Because their inner selves remain young, it can look unbalanced to me—but that also becomes a point of interest and charm.
And above all, choosing that style is the individual's freedom.
However, this is where I want to make my point.
There are people who grumble at those who wear pink or show skin even as they age, calling them 'cringe' or saying it's 'not age-appropriate.'
That is not unsightly; it is vulgar.
The mindset of envying others' freedom, judging them by one's own narrow standards, and robbing them of their potential is far uglier.
The desperation of clinging to youth is sometimes clumsy, but I think it is adorable.
What is truly vulgar is laughing at someone else's attempt.
That pettiness of mocking others is far more 'cringe' than the desperation of clinging to youth.
The pain of clinging to beauty and what lies beyond it
When I see people desperately chasing beauty knowledge, I sometimes feel suffocated and pained.
It is because it looks like they are clinging to youth.
But I understand that feeling, too.
It is natural to feel anxious about age and aging.
Everyone wants to cling to the things they 'don't want to lose.'
That is why I want to say this:
You are fine even if you don't cling to it.
Beauty is not a 'weapon to hide aging,' but merely an 'aid to translate your inner self.'
If your inner self is in order, your appearance will naturally grow.
My own realization
My features are average, and I am ignorant when it comes to beauty.
I don't read magazines, and I have zero knowledge.
What I do is the bare minimum.
Even so, I have been called 'pretty' and 'beautiful' more than I used to be.
Most people are surprised when I tell them my actual age.
(I don't really want to write this because it puts me in the same category as people who write 'I look younger than my actual age!' in their profiles, but (laughs))
I can only think that this is not because of beauty techniques, but because my inner self has come out to the surface.
(If you are curious and thinking 'Really!?', let's meet in a session (laughs))
Conclusion
Appearance and inner self cannot be separated. Both are important.
The exterior is a translation of the interior, and one's features grow in proportion to what is inside.
Both good men (heroes of the deep sea) and good women (pearls of the deep sea)—
I believe that only by polishing the inner self and simultaneously letting it bleed through to the outside does it become true charm.
If you have thought, "I want to put my inner self into words more" or "I don't have confidence in my appearance, but I want to fix the roots of that,"
in a session with me, you should be able to encounter a "translation of your inner self" that you hadn't noticed on your own.
A time to put what lies dormant within you into words and let it bleed to the outside in a space where you can speak with peace of mind.
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▶︎ [Summary] What is sincerity?
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