Where does this sense of discomfort come from? A story about gaining perspective by seeing the underlying assumptions

In the middle of a conversation,
there are times when I stop and think, 'Hmm? That just felt a bit off.'

For example, when someone says to me,
'Generally speaking, isn't it like this?'

'Generally' should be a reassuring word, but
it makes me stop in my tracks.
Which world are they talking about when they say 'generally'?
In which workplace? In which family? By whose common sense? Based on what experience?

It's not that I want to argue.
It's just that the conversation feels like it shifts from the 'content' to the 'foundation' at that point.

I think that's because the underlying assumptions are misaligned.
The other person is speaking from their own set of assumptions, and I am listening from mine.
It's not about who is right; it's that the foundations are different.

Everyone has underlying assumptions.
It's probably impossible to speak without them.
So, what's important isn't 'getting rid of assumptions,' but

realizing, 'What kind of assumptions am I reacting from right now?'
I think that's what matters.

And this is where it becomes practical.

When you can see your own assumptions, you can gain a broader perspective.

Because you realize, 'I'm looking through these specific glasses right now.'
It becomes harder to get swept away by your emotions.

When you can see the other person's assumptions, your resolution increases.

Instead of swallowing their words as 'fact,'
you become able to see that 'those words are standing on that person's foundation.'

The true nature of discomfort is a 'misalignment of assumptions.'

Even when people think they are speaking 'without assumptions,' in reality, it's usually about

• what they believe is correct

• what they value

• what they are afraid of

• What do you take for granted?

Our words emerge from these "invisible foundations."

So, rather than "removing assumptions," in reality, it's closer to
**"becoming aware of your assumptions and making them a choice."**

When this is misaligned, even if you're saying the same thing, you won't connect.
Before you know it, the conversation turns into a "battle of who's right."
But in reality, you aren't competing;
you're just using different maps.

For example, when someone at work says,
"You should have shared that with me first."

You are operating on the assumption that "doing it now is the fastest way."
The other person is speaking from the assumption that "preventing accidents is the top priority."

Even though you're talking about the same work, you're looking at different maps.

The moment I realize this, I can finally respond calmly.
"Based on my current assumption, I prioritized it this way. Which approach do you think is better?"

When you can see the assumptions, the world suddenly falls into place.
The other person stops being scary.
You stop feeling like you're a failure.

It was just that your assumptions were different.

You can't remove assumptions. But you can notice them.

I think assumptions are like glasses.
Rather than being unable to remove them, if you forget you're wearing them,
the whole world looks like "that color."

But,
from the moment you realize, "I'm wearing these kinds of glasses right now,"
the way you speak changes.
The way you receive the other person's words also changes.

The biggest thing here is probably this.

The other person's words stop looking like the absolute truth of the world.
You become able to treat them as "words spoken from that person's own assumptions."

When you notice your assumptions, your words change.

The pattern of self-awareness that I find practically effective is this.

• What am I taking for granted right now as I speak?

• Where did that assumption come from? (Family / Workplace / Past pain / Success experiences)

• With this assumption in place, what am I protecting, and what am I overlooking?

• If the other person is living based on a different assumption, how would they interpret the same words?

Once you can pause to consider this, even for a moment,
your statements shift from "asserting what is right" to "sharing the situation."

As a result, rather than just reducing conflict,
you can argue with "higher resolution" even when you do clash.
(I think this part is quite important.)

Because it becomes a conversation of,
"It's not 'Why don't you understand me?', but rather 'My assumption is this, and your assumption is that.'"
that kind of talk.

And above all, this is what works.

You become less likely to be swayed more than necessary by the other person's words.
Because you stop swallowing their words as "fact"
and start treating them as "words spoken from that person's own set of assumptions."

You cannot remove your assumptions.
But you can notice them.

That difference is bigger than you might think.

Feeling shaken by what is "general" or "normal" isn't because you are weak-minded; it might just be that you are leaning too heavily on external standards.
I've left a practical guide for unwinding that mode here →
Taking the first step to gradually graduate from the anxious self that asks, "Is this right?"

Let's move forward together.