To keep going, it is okay to stop. To you who are wearing yourself thin to keep at it.

"I thought I loved it, but now I've come to hate it."

Have you ever had an experience like this?

At first, it was purely good.
I wanted to try it. I wanted to keep doing it. I wanted to cherish it.
However, from a certain day on, it gradually turned into an "obligation."

Before you know it, you feel heavy-hearted before you even start.
Just touching it makes some part of your body tense up.
Every time you do it, you feel like you are being whittled away.

Even so, you don't stop.
Or rather, you can't stop.

That is because stopping feels like a "bad thing" to do.

"People who keep going are better."
"Quitting halfway means you lack grit."
"If you give up, you lose."

Even though your head knows it's not that simple, some part of your body operates by those rules.
So, you push yourself to the limit. You push yourself until you end up hating it.

But if you stop only after you've come to hate it, it doesn't just end there.
A strong emotion of "hatred" remains.

The more you loved something, the longer it takes to recover.
When you try to do it again, the previous exhaustion comes back to you first.

That is why I have recently started to have one standard.

"Stop before you start to hate it."

Stop just before you reach the point of hating it.
Cancel it. Thin it out. Change its form. Step away for a while.
Consciously stop before you fall into "hatred."

This might sound like a piece of advice.
It might look like a "let's take a break early" kind of talk.

But to me, it's a little different.
I believe this is another kind of strength, one that exists on the opposite side of the philosophy of grit.

The signs before you start to hate it

Signs don't come in dramatic forms.
Before a red light that screams "I've reached my limit!" goes off, it begins as subtle changes.

For example, things like these.

You feel heavy-hearted before you even start.
It takes time to get started.
Just touching it drains you.
After you finish, instead of a sense of accomplishment, you are left feeling "drained..."

Or perhaps, even though you used to love it,
it has somehow been replaced by "I have to do this."
The element of fun has diminished, and only the obligation remains.

At this stage, you don't "hate" it yet.
It is just that the relationship is starting to fray.

So, this is the time to stop.
Not "after you have come to hate it," but
"just before you are about to hate it"is when you should stop.

But the more serious you are, the more you think like this:

"No, but... I can still do it."
"If I stop here, I'm just being soft."
"It feels wrong to quit halfway."

I understand. I truly understand.

However, the phrase "I can still do it" is sometimes dangerous,
because it may come not from "I want to continue"
but from "I am afraid to stop."

If I stop, I feel like I'm being lazy.
If I stop, I feel like I've lost.
If I stop, I feel like my value will decrease.

So you keep going, and once you pass your limit, you snap.
And then you end up thinking, "I can't do this anymore" or "I don't want to touch this ever again."

Before you reach that point, I want you to have options for how to stop.

There are three ways to stop.

Stopping doesn't just mean "quitting everything."
There are generally three ways to stop before it reaches the point of "hate."

1) Suspend (take a break)

The easiest way to stop.
What is important here is that it doesn't have to mean "quitting forever."

Suspension is like first aid to protect the relationship.
If your vision gets cloudy, pull over. Start with just that.

2) Thinning out (reducing frequency)

You don't have to choose between all or nothing.

If it's daily, make it three times a week. If it's three times a week, make it once a week. Cut the amount in half.
When your "love" for something feels like it's fading, it's usually because the burden is too heavy.

So, reduce the burden.
Reduce the firewood just enough so the flame of your passion doesn't go out.
Change the way you burn it so you don't burn out.

3) Changing the form (changing the method)

If you keep doing the same thing in the same way, you will wear yourself down.

If you are carrying it alone, ask for help.
If you are aiming for perfection, aim for 70%.
If you are obsessed with the "proper way," change it to a form that is okay even if it's messy for now.

The thing you most need to let go of here is this.

"I have to do it properly."

It might be the phrase that has supported you until now.
But at the same time, it is also the phrase that drives you into a corner.

Put down the "I have to do it properly" for a moment, and
rearrange it into a form you can continue.
That isn't a compromise; it's adjusting it into a form that lasts.

Stopping is not running away.

"Stopping before you start to hate it" might sound like a way to be kind to yourself.

But in reality, it's not to spoil yourself, but to protect yourself.

If you push yourself until you hate it,
you will end up destroying the things you love with your own hands.

So, it's okay to stop.
It's okay to rest. It's okay to thin it out. It's okay to change the form.

It's not running away.
It's a choice not to treat yourself carelessly.

What you want to protect is
not your "hard work," but your "passion."

So, it is okay to stop before you start to hate it.

If you have been feeling like "I am working so hard but it is not paying off," I will leave this article here for you as well.

When you lose sight of "when to stop," it is usually because the thought that "it is my fault" has become too strong in your heart.