A night of genuine joy from an unexpected 'Like' notification

Last night, my phone chimed with a notification. It was a notice that someone had 'liked' an article I wrote quite a while ago. It turned out that Hiiro-san had added it to their magazine.

The article is here.

I wrote it two years ago. I was surprised myself. Was it really that long ago? I was amazed that Hiiro-san had found it and read it.

I squinted and reread it with some trepidation. I remembered the theme, but I didn't clearly remember how I had expressed it. I wondered if I had used any unbearable phrasing. I felt embarrassed and my heart tightened with fear. I read it slowly. My heart was pounding as I read it.

But it's a strange thing. Receiving a 'Like' on this article filled me with an indescribable joy. I was surprised at how happy it made me feel.

Back then, I wasn't getting much of a reaction compared to now. I wondered what I should do. I thought I was writing good things, but maybe I wasn't.

I kept lifting myself up and then tearing myself down. I was constantly wavering. I wondered if it wasn't just my writing skills, but my very sensibility that was flawed. I spent my days feeling dejected.

I want to tell my past self: don't deny your sensibility. Have confidence in the things you find interesting, the things that move your heart, and the way you feel about them. You will learn the skills to convey that sensibility from now on. You will polish it so much. Please, just keep feeling things honestly. The day will come when you bloom. It will be okay.

I wish I could always say what I think with confidence. But usually, I start off timidly. Once I get someone's agreement, I suddenly gain the strength of a thousand men and start saying, 'That's what I thought too!' Isn't there someone like that around you? Someone who suddenly starts speaking loudly and asserting themselves dramatically halfway through? That's me.

I suppose I lack confidence in my own opinions and feelings. I get flustered. Even though there is no right or wrong in what I feel, I find myself looking for evidence.

I'm really glad I encountered writing. Writing is, after all, a dialogue with oneself. It allows me to listen to my own feelings properly without relying on the sensibilities of others.

And what I think is unique to note is that, transcending time, reactions can come back from the distant future like a form of support. I am truly grateful for that.

If I keep writing, the day will come when I sprout. I am convinced of it.

I savored that warm, fuzzy feeling.

See you again.