I live while hating my job.

I hate my job.

Routine tasks, things I have to do—I just find it all so tedious.

This isn't limited to my current job.

I've experienced various jobs so far, including retail, sales, manual labor, and management. There were jobs that paid 650 yen an hour, and times when I earned a decent amount.

But the conclusion was always the same.

No matter what the job was, I hated it.

I feel depressed before going to sleep, and mornings are heavy.

I hated it when relationships were bad, and I hated it when they were good.

I hated it all.

So, what happens if I don't work?

I tried that, too.

A life of depending on family or society, doing nothing, just having time. There was a period where I lived like that not just for half a year, but for years. So-called complete freedom.

But the conclusion was the same.

It's boring.

I had free time, and nothing was interesting.

Even though I had time, I didn't do anything and didn't create anything. The food didn't taste good. The alcohol didn't taste good. Baths, saunas, motorcycles, hobbies—everything was boring.

Even when I got new things, I felt nothing.

In the end, I hated it all.

What I realized then

Humans are not satisfied even if they only do what they like.

If anything, I stop feeling anything at all.

Conversely, it is precisely because I do things I dislike that rewards are born.

Food tastes better. Alcohol tastes better. A bath feels better.

Because there is hardship, there is fulfillment.

The same applies to things obtained with money.

They are easily obtained and quickly satisfy. But it doesn't last. There is a momentary sense of satisfaction, but it disappears immediately. Nothing remains. If anything, only a feeling of emptiness remains.

That is why I believe that good food, good alcohol, baths, and hobbies are all conditional.

They gain value because they are done with the limited money and time earned from a job I dislike.

This is the same for human relationships.

Family, spouses, and friends—it is precisely because they are limited that we can help each other, empathize, and love.

If everything were free, I would feel nothing.

One more thing I realized

There is a limit to doing things for oneself.

No matter how much money you spend or how free you are, you never feel fully satisfied.

But acting for the sake of others is different.

Family and friends. Acting for the sake of loved ones.

It doesn't even have to be someone close to you—it could be for people going through hard times or for society as a whole.

Being needed.

This is a much stronger motivation than good food or alcohol.

In the end, humans are built to be lazy.

The extent to which I can work hard just for my own sake is limited.

But I can move if it is for someone else.

That is why I chose to be a trailer driver.

It was impossible for me to work in an overly harsh environment while carrying stress.

I want boundaries. But I don't want it to be too painful.

As for human relationships, I honestly don't need anything too intense.

I think these are quite selfish conditions. But I think that is fine.

That is why I chose to be a trailer driver.

Substantial skills, minimal human relationships, and work that can be done at my own pace—it took time and effort to become proficient, but this balance was just right.

I still hate my job.

There are plenty of days when I don't want to go to work.

But it is much better than doing nothing at all.

Because there are unpleasant things, the rest can function.

Because there are limitations, value is created.

Everything is connected.

It is not that I like my job.

But with this balance, I can survive.

I think that is enough.

And I need time to clear my head.

There is one more reason why I can keep going even though I hate my job.

It is about having time to completely empty your head on a regular basis.

Don't think. Don't judge. Just time to exist.

In the heat of the sauna, there is no room to think about unnecessary things, and the moment you sink into the cold water bath, your mind goes quiet. As I gaze at the sky while cooling off, the things that felt heavy just a moment ago seem to drift away somewhere.

Time spent soaking in a hot spring, thinking about nothing.

This is what returns me to a state where I can move again.

Recovering from fatigue is not just about the body. Resetting the mind and heart—only when I can do that do I feel like I can face things again the next morning.

Perhaps it is because I have this kind of time that I can accept unpleasant work and limitations.

One of the places I have arrived at is the "Holiday Building" in Jozankei.

In a completely silent space, with no unnecessary sounds or words, just time to get centered.

The feeling of emptying your head in the nature of Hokkaido is hard to convey in words.

I honestly want you to experience it once.

👉 [TTG COLUMN 009] Jozankei "Holiday Building" — Getting centered at the very edge of daily life.

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