Reply to Comments: #Hoarding Disorder and Human Relationships

Hello/Good evening. I cleaned up last week as well.
The washroom is also in the final stages.

I received a comment on this article, so I would like to reply to it and share some ways to deal with people who have hoarding disorder.

Thank you for your comment.
The person who commented is Calla-san here.

You previously shared your experience regarding how to deal with someone with hoarding disorder.
Thank you for sharing such painful memories. That must have been very difficult for you.

That is exactly right. People with hoarding disorder will "make excuses" and "attack."

If you ask me if it's okay because we are parent and child,

It is NOT okay!!!!!

The fact that I am proceeding with the cleanup while protecting my own mental health to a certain extent is largely because I am doing "mental warm-up exercises."

Behaviors often exhibited by people with #Hoarding Disorder

I have mentioned that hoarding disorder is a type of "obsessive-compulsive disorder."

Since I realized that my family's situation is "hoarding disorder" and that it is a type of "obsessive-compulsive disorder" (also known as obsessive-compulsive neurosis),
then treating the "obsessive-compulsive disorder" is one way to move forward with #cleaning up my parents' house.
So, I decided to pick up some books to learn about obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Reference: "Behavioral Therapy for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder"

When I participated in a family support group for obsessive-compulsive disorder, this book on "behavioral therapy" was introduced to me.

When I ordered it and started reading it... I see, I see. I was able to understand them.

Performing compulsive actions for one's own peace of mind

People with hoarding disorder find "peace of mind by hoarding."
They are extremely anxious when they don't have things. That is why they hoard.
They find peace of mind by hoarding,
and they live in peace in that "hoarded state."

Unable to solve their own problems by themselves

However, they also understand that this "hoarded state" is generally considered "not a good thing."

Is this situation "safe," "hygienic," and "comfortable"?

I can say no immediately, and in fact, they also think "no."

They themselves know that this situation is bad in their heads.
However, they are troubled because they feel anxious if they don't hoard.
They cannot find the courage to break down this mountain themselves. They fall back into anxiety.
They know they have to do something about it. But they can't. It's painful.

If someone else were to say a word like "I want you to clean this up," that pain would turn into an attack on the other person.

Originally, one must solve one's own problems by oneself. But because they are anxious, they cannot start moving toward a solution. That is what is painful.

They have lost their self-confidence and have an inferiority complex.

In such difficult situations, they have lost their self-confidence.
"Myself who created this terrible situation"
"Myself who cannot get out of this terrible situation"

When they compare their already self-confident-lost selves with healthy people (in this case, me and Calla-san), they feel that they are inferior.

This psychological aspect is complex and delicate, and if you make even one wrong move, you cannot move forward.
I am not a mental health professional or anything, so I cannot provide "therapeutic care."
Based on that awareness, what I am doing to somehow deal with this situation is,

The response is thorough support.

First, it is to provide thorough support.
In the very beginning, I also said things to my mother like,
"Why do you hoard so much!?"
"Is this hoarding more important than the lives of me and the children!?"
There were days when I cleaned up while crying.

However, after reading books and understanding that the person themselves is also in pain, I calmed my stance, and my response to my mother also became calm.

Understanding the person's pain.

As mentioned above, people with obsessive-compulsive disorder are in "pain."
Hand washing that they repeat over and over, locking and packing that they check over and over again,
even though they should be fine, they cannot feel that it is okay to stop the repetitive behavior.

It's painful, isn't it? I'm sorry.

Even if I understand, the mountain that must be broken down is right in front of my eyes.

Conveying that I am not an enemy.

The next thing I do after understanding is to say, "I am not your enemy."
I want to live with you again, so let's clean up together. Let's tidy up the house. I support them by saying things like that.

Honestly, it is also an option to ask a friend's company to come in and work like a bulldozer.
But as mentioned above, my mother's hoarding disorder can sometimes involve "attacking others." If someone she doesn't trust comes to the house, she is extremely wary, and her usually calm expression clearly clouds over.

So, I decided to accept that I have no choice but to do it myself.

Conveying that I want to help you.

Based on that "understanding" and "closeness,"
"I want to help you, Mom"
is something I also convey regularly.

The same goes for teaching her that this is wonderful.

And it is about continuing to convey that "treatment" and "action" lead to "hope."

Walking alongside her, saying, "Let's live like this."

My mother is very cheerful when she talks and laughs with her grandchildren.
She marvels at the grandchildren's sensibilities and provides support that I wouldn't even think of.
She often takes the grandchildren out into town, saying, "Shall we go for a walk?"
She is bright and energetic.

There is only one thing to do to make this a daily reality.
It is to make my parents' house more spacious, clean it up, make it comfortable, and live freely as the four of us: my mother, me, and the children.

It is true that some things are only possible because we are parent and child.

Returning to the first point, I do think this is only possible because we are parent and child.
If it were a stranger, I wouldn't be doing this.
I have the motivation to get the house, live with my mother, and that is why I take action, read books, and study how to handle this.
If it were a stranger, I could never do it.

What about strangers?

If you are suffering from someone else's hoarding disorder, such as a neighbor or in-laws,
I think the best thing to do is to ask the person who should be handling it.
I think you would end up relying on that person's family or, at times, welfare-related personnel.

If it is a stranger, they will inevitably be "guarded" or "aggressive,"
so I think it is best to maintain a certain boundary and observe the situation.
I do not recommend stepping in, even by mistake, thinking I'll just do it myself!!.

If there is a "person who should be handling it," please have them look at this Tonikaji note.

That is enough.
I am writing this note for those who are at a loss when faced with #hoarding disorder or #cleaning out their parents' house.

By receiving your comment, I realized what I needed to convey.
Calla-san, thank you for your comment.

Please continue to support me!

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