[The PM's Way of Life] The PM's Style of Turning 'Loneliness' into Strength

Introduction

Project Manager, or PM for short. The title has a somewhat glamorous ring to it. Perhaps it evokes the image of a 'commander' or 'captain' leading a project to success.

However, behind that glamour, there is a feeling that many PMs secretly harbor.
That is, 'loneliness'.

Is this a sense of being surrounded by an invisible wall, as if no one could ever understand you?

Why is it that PMs are so prone to feeling lonely?

1. The True Nature of the 'Loneliness' PMs Carry

A PM's loneliness arises from a complex interplay of several factors.
These range from emotional aspects to those stemming from the role itself.

Here, let's look at the specific forms of that loneliness.

(1) The Loneliness of Decision-Making

This is the loneliness felt in situations where the PM must make the final decision on a project alone.
It involves the pressure of choosing the best path from many options and bearing the responsibility for the outcome single-handedly.

For example, when it becomes clear that a project's budget will be exceeded, the PM must decide whether to increase the budget or cut some features. The team wants additional budget, while management demands feature cuts. Caught in this dilemma, it is the PM alone who must make the final call. The feeling experienced in this situation, where there is no one to consult, is the 'loneliness of decision-making'.

(2) The Loneliness of Position

While a PM is a 'member' of the project team, they simultaneously hold the role of 'manager' of the project. This is the sense of not belonging to either camp, which arises from this middle-management-like role.

For example, the team may grow frustrated with daily overtime, while upper management demands further efficiency. While the PM understands the struggles of the members, they must strictly manage progress for the sake of the project's success. They may be perceived by members as 'not understanding our hardships' and by upper management as 'being too lenient,' and this caught-in-the-middle situation creates the 'loneliness of position'.

(3) Psychological Loneliness

This is an internal sense of loneliness that arises because a PM cannot confide in team members or superiors about the stress, anxiety, or fear of project failure they are carrying. The belief that 'I must not show weakness' deepens this loneliness even further.

For example, a PM knows that a project is delayed due to technical issues, but keeps that anxiety to themselves so as not to lower the team's morale. This is because they fear that if they tell the team, it might unsettle them. Furthermore, they may put on a brave face to their boss, saying 'It's fine, I'll manage,' and be unable to discuss their true worries.

(4) The Loneliness of Information

PMs aggregate all information related to a project, but they cannot share everything. This is a sense of loneliness born from bearing the burden alone, especially regarding highly confidential information or negative information that could adversely affect team motivation.

For example, a PM learns that the client's financial situation is deteriorating and that the project budget may be cut. If this information is shared with the team, members' motivation might drop. However, without sharing it, the team cannot prepare for future plan changes. The PM carries this dilemma alone and has no one to consult.

(5) The Loneliness of Performance Evaluation

Even if a project succeeds, the results are evaluated as the effort of the entire team, so the PM's individual contribution can be difficult to see. Conversely, if it fails, the PM often bears the responsibility alone.

For example, a project led by a PM succeeds and generates significant revenue. The company as a whole praises it as "a wonderful team achievement," but the extent of the PM's hard work behind the scenes is rarely known. On the other hand, if the project ends in failure, the cause is often attributed to the PM's lack of management, leading to a harsh evaluation. This evaluation structure, where success is dispersed and failure is concentrated, leads to a sense of loneliness.

(6) The Loneliness of Anxiety About the Future

PMs are constantly faced with new technologies and environmental changes, making them prone to a vague anxiety that their skills might become obsolete. This is a sense of loneliness arising from the difficulty of sharing this career anxiety with colleagues or subordinates.

For example, a PM is assigned to a project involving the introduction of new IT technology. However, the PM is not familiar with these technologies and feels anxious that a lack of knowledge might prevent the project from proceeding smoothly. With few colleagues to consult within the company, and under the pressure that "a PM should always be learning new knowledge," they keep their true feelings to themselves and carry that anxiety alone.

2. To Face Loneliness

How should one face this loneliness?
The path of a PM is by no means an easy one. That is precisely why the "mindset" and "actions" to overcome loneliness are important.

(1) Consciously Breaking Down "Walls"

PMs are often in a position one step removed from the team.
However, if that remains the case, the invisible wall will never disappear.
Try setting aside time once a week for casual conversation with members outside of work, or having lunch together.

For example, by holding a review meeting with the entire team at each project milestone and sharing not only successes but also failures, you can enhance the team's sense of unity.

(2) The Courage to Show "Weakness"

There is no such thing as a perfect human being. The same applies to PMs.
However, many PMs tend to think, "I must not show my weaknesses."

For example, one veteran PM, when faced with a major technical challenge, honestly said, "This field is outside my expertise, and I need your help." As a result, the members were happy to cooperate and work on solving the problem.

Exposing your weaknesses is a shortcut to building trust and leads to strengthening team unity.

(3) Have time for yourself

A PM's work is constantly built on interactions with others.
That is precisely why it is important to consciously have "time for yourself."

Even just 15 minutes a day is fine—drink coffee in silence, listen to your favorite music, or read a book.
Completely step away from the project and reset your mind.

This serves as self-care to free yourself from anxiety and pressure.

3. What is PM growth?

Truly growing as a PM is not just about honing the skills to make a project successful.
It is also about dealing with the invisible wall called "loneliness" and paving your own path.

The success or failure of a project is not determined solely by the individual capabilities of the PM.
What is important is the "human power" to move the entire team and evoke empathy.

While carrying loneliness, turn it into the team's energy.
This can be said to be the true power required of a PM.

Conclusion

A PM may sometimes feel that "no one understands them."

However, that is by no means something only you are feeling.
Many PMs worry and struggle in the same way, yet they still try to move forward.

Loneliness is a trial to help a PM grow.
Do not carry it alone; sometimes show your weakness and build trust with your team.

By doing so, you will realize that before you know it, there are many allies around you.

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(* As a general rule, book descriptions are based on the descriptions provided at the link (Amazon). Please refer to the link for detailed content.)

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(* As a general rule, book descriptions are based on the descriptions provided at the link (Amazon). Please refer to the link for detailed content.)

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(PMBOK Guide) 7th Edition (Kindle Edition)
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(* As a general rule, book descriptions are based on the descriptions provided at the link (Amazon). Please refer to the link for detailed content.)

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