Episode 129: Kind people are usually broken at least once

I experienced depression while working as a teacher, and I am currently on the road to recovery after taking leave, being hospitalized, and going through a return-to-work program.
In this note, I write about my journey with illness, including the days that don't go well, and about self-esteem.
↓ Click here for my self-introduction ♪

This is my story.

And it might be your story, too.

Why kind people break

Kind people cannot say no.

They accept requests when asked.
They cannot leave someone in trouble alone.
They prioritize others over themselves.

That is a beautiful quality.

But that beauty
slowly wears you down.

Kind people
say "I'm still okay" even when they reach their limit.

They act for the sake of others even when they reach their limit.

They cannot allow themselves a reason to rest even when they reach their limit.

And then, one day, they suddenly cannot move.

-----

The day I broke

When I was working as a teacher,
I was always
trying to be a "kind teacher."

For the students.
For the parents.
For my colleagues.

I thought that being useful to someone
was my value.

But one morning,
I couldn't get out of bed.

In my head, I knew.
"I have to go."But my body wouldn't move anymore.

I realized it later.

Even before I broke,

I had been sending out signs the whole time,
but the thought that "I must be a kind person"
made me ignore all of those signs.
-----

The trap of kindness

Kind people have a common trap.

"If it means hurting someone else,
it's better if I get hurt instead."

This is the true nature of the thinking that breaks kind people.

If refusing would hurt the other person, I'll push myself to accept.
If speaking my true feelings would ruin the mood, I'll stay silent and endure it.

If telling someone I'm struggling would make them worry, it's better to just smile.


Kindness is
a habit of putting kindness toward yourself last.If you continue that for years,

the very sense of protecting yourself
disappears.

-----

What I saw after I broke

After I broke,
there was something I realized for the first time.

Kindness
was something born from having room to spare.

If you aren't fulfilled yourself,
you have nothing to give to others.

You cannot pour water from an empty cup.

I was convinced that "I must be kind,"
but in reality,

"something that naturally overflows after you have fulfilled yourself"wastrue kindness.
My kindness before I broke

came from a sense of duty.
But my kindness after I broke

comes from having room to spare.
-----

Breaking
was not the end

When I broke, I thought,

"This is the end."

But that was wrong.

By breaking, I was able to stop for the first time.

By stopping,
I heard my own voice for the first time.

By hearing my own voice,
I knew true kindness for the first time.

Kind people don't break
because they are weak.

It is because for such a long time,
they have continued to prioritize someone else over themselves.Breaking

is also proof that their kindness was genuine.
-----

Conclusion

Kind people
are usually broken at least once.

But that is not the end of life.

From the place where you broke,
a deeper kindness is born.

Because you know suffering,
you can be kind to others.

Kindness that has learned to protect itself
does not wear you out.

It carries no sense of duty.
It asks for no reward.

It is simply something that naturally overflows.


If right now,
being kind is becoming painful,

it is because you are too kind.

It is not because you are weak.

If you feel like you are about to break,
it is okay to stop for a moment.

You prioritizing yourself
is not selfish.

I think it is okay
to try showing yourself more kindness.