Tennis Improvement Memo 585. People who interrupt others also have off-timing

When people are told they are late, they rush. That is why they panic.People also 'interrupt' in conversation because they are trying to say something too quickly. If you rush, you fall behind. If you relax, you sync up. The timing in tennis is the same.

▶ The timing mismatch problem of 'interrupting'

I think we have all experienced times when, while someone else is talking, we feel so anxious that we 'must say something!' that our voices overlap.

I believe this is the 'problem of moving too fast/early'.

You become impatient with the desire to do something about it.

Because of that, you cannot listen (receive) calmly.

▶ You are just rushing on your own

It is the same in tennis.

If you are told your movement is late, you have no choice but to panic because you rush, but if you are slowing down, you are just relaxing, so there is a way out.

Then, you stop being late.

Or rather, you sync up perfectly.

▶ When you can receive, you can transmit without strain

For once, try just listening to the other person without trying to evaluate, judge, or offer advice.

I think you will be surprised at how well you understand the other person's feelings.

This is 'tennis'.

When you are in a receptive state, you will come to understand the other person's intentions intuitively.

Then, you will be able to 'transmit' your own feelings, such as being able to speak without strain.

▶ Knowing yourself and others through the 'power of listening'

Tennis is communication.

You get to know the other person through their voice in conversation, and through the ball in a rally.

And you come to know yourself.

You don't have to speak; just the 'power to listen'.

▶ Set it aside and listen again

That said, when you are not used to it, you will hear an inner voice, a 'self-talk' or 'inner voice' that evaluates and judges, such as 'That way of thinking is wrong!' or 'You should do it this way...' and so on.

Gently set that aside and listen again.

It is a repetitive exercise of 'listen, set aside, and listen again; listen, set aside, and listen again; listen, set aside, and listen again'.

▶ Is mental state just a matter of mindset?

Mental training is, literally, 'training' and not 'understanding'.

Just thinking about push-ups in your head won't make your muscles grow.

The same is true for the mind.

For some reason, people say that mental state is just a 'matter of mindset'.

I won't deny that, as it certainly allows you to escape temporarily.

However, it is literally only temporary.

After all, without training, a stable, calm state of mind will not grow.

▶ Practice listening to voices as 'sound'—letting go of empathy and not resonating

Fortunately, mental training can be done in daily life without having to go to a gym and pay money.

As part of that, in conversation, 'listen, set aside, and listen again; listen, set aside, and listen again; listen, set aside, and listen again'—.

Without subjectively evaluating whether it is good or bad, practice listening to the other person's voice as an objective 'sound'.

Because you listen seriously as a voice, you empathize and resonate with it.

You might think that sounds like there is no feeling in it.

But actually, that way, your feelings are conveyed much better.

By 'not trying to understand', you understand better.

▶ Notice the 'moment' when emotions are born

Let silence be silence.

Let shouting be shouting.

Not the selfishness of hearing what you want to hear, but 'just listening'.

Notice the 'moment' an emotion is about to arise, and do not cling to it.

Then, you are neither in the past nor the future, but can remain in the 'now'.

Just sound.

It is simply resonating there.

▶Do not try to observe, just 'reflect'

Receiving the ball is the same (related article 'In tennis, too, receive first').

Not the selfishness of seeing what you want to see, but 'just looking'.

Do not 'consciously' try to see, want to see, or make yourself see.

If you do not attach selfish emotions like 'Oh no!' or 'Darn it!', you will see things as they are.

The point is not to be conscious of trying to observe, but to 'just reflect'.

That is concentration—.

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