I am graduating from...

Hello, this is Mamebiyori🐶

This time, I will be participating in the March project of the "Garden of Words" for the first time.

Come to think of it, around this time last year, my second daughter's high school entrance exams were over and we were just waiting for the results...
I spent that time thinking, "It'll probably be fine."

I love the spring season, but I don't really like the events involving my children. Honestly, having them come as a set with graduation and entrance ceremonies makes me nervous and restless, to say the least.
And before I know it, spring has already passed by, like that🫩

Now, for this theme of "Graduating from..."
I would like to write on the theme of "graduating from the victim position".

This is a thought that still swirls within me, and in the end, I get so caught up in this victim mentality that all my past experiences end up being dominated by it.

"At that time, I was hurt by those words."

"I tried so hard, so why?"

Such words come to mind, and I even have the feeling that my happy memories are being painted over in black.

It's a waste, truly a waste.

When my children were small, we often went out as a family, ate delicious food, saw many things, took lots of photos, and laughed a lot,

yet the one trying to paint over even those memories and pretend they didn't happen is none other than me.

With a victim mentality that acts as if I am the only one who has suffered, it is an undeniable fact that I still project those feelings onto my husband, saying, "You wouldn't understand anyway."

This is also linked to my own upbringing, and even now, I still draw a picture of a perpetrator-victim dynamic with my mother, thinking somewhere that "I was just a convenient existence for my mother."

There is one thing a counselor said to me the first time I ever had counseling that remains deeply and strongly in my heart.

"You already finished your filial piety the moment you were born."

I still remember how, the moment I heard that, the tension in my shoulders melted away and I felt completely relaxed.
I felt so relieved that it brought me to tears, thinking, "Oh, I see, it was already finished long ago."

As a daughter, and then as a wife, and as a mother,

in the end, within these roles, a sense of being a victim always sprouts and grows.

"Why is it always me..." (burning with frustration🔥)

But as long as I have this feeling, my world remains hazy, and I can no longer see the beautiful things clearly, which I think is truly a waste.

I also realized that if I keep doing this, I might lose sight of what is truly important.

That is why I am graduating.
I am leaving that behind.
I will definitely become someone who can cherish the spring I love so much from the bottom of my heart🌸

I hereby pledge that I will shed my old shell and live more lightly and confidently from now on!

That is my graduation declaration.

Thank you for reading until the end🍀