[Why isn't it working?] The reason

Hello, hello.
Relaxed happiness, subtle happiness
Presented by a carefree and timid raccoon dog
Time for an article that might be useful

This is a personal theory based on a raccoon dog's experience,
without any academic evidence like research.

If you enjoyed it,
I'd be happy

Conclusion: Because three truths are all mixed up

1. Actual Situation
What actually happened

2. Reality
What happened as a result of the influence, reactions, and outcomes of 1

3. True Feelings
What was felt as a result of the influence, reactions, and outcomes of 1

When these don't align between the sender and receiver,
things get crossed.

This seems to be the reason why people say,
There are as many justices and truths as there are people.

The structure where kind people lose out

Calmly,
few people can separate
true feelings, reality, and actual situations.

That's why it gets even more complicated.

It is desirable that these three are communicated accurately to each other as much as possible, and if the interpretations differ, the difficulty increases. This is because both sides, or at least one side, need to make concessions. Otherwise, if the goal is some kind of agreement, the state of conflict will drag on.

People who make concessions without intending to,
or people who make concessions as a reflex defense
out of a desire to avoid conflict,
might be described as
・Good people
・Having a losing habit
・Resignation
・Habit of running away
・Yes-man
・Good at reading the roometc.

People who are understood by themselves and others
to be making concessions intentionally
might be described as
・Kind
・Thoughtful

Tanuki has experienced all of these:
・Unintended concessions
・Defensive reflex concessions
・Intentional concessions
The nature of these concessions is also tricky, as they can be 100% pure, or the proportions can shift variably even within a single case.

The cost of concession

At this time,
What kind of concession was made?
Under what conditions was the concession made?
Because that cannot be understood,

The end is sudden,
and that person will disappear from before your eyes.

・The recipient of an unintended concession
The impact on the relationship is low.

・The recipient of a defensive reflex concession
There is little movement in the superficial relationship,
but, much like a cornered rat biting a cat,
you might be surprised by a sudden backlash,
because they are often unaware that they were applying pressure.

・The recipient of an intentional concession
Generally, you are unilaterally saddled with a debt.
If this accumulates and you cannot even pay the interest,
the other party will brand you as a defaulter on your debt of gratitude.
From then on, you will be treated dismissively,
and they will distance themselves from you.

Example: Tanuki and partner

The resolution to the discussion here
is exactly the result of applying this perspective.

Example: Parent and child

Suppose the parent's
Actual situation: Educational discipline
Reality: Changes in voice quality and tone due to emotional agitation
True feelings: Wanting the child to grow up well
is the case.

Suppose the child's
Actual situation: Unreasonable suppression
Reality: Surprise and shrinking away
True feelings: Intense anxiety and discomfort
is the case.

See?
A nasty mismatch.

And, from here, consensus building.
The child chooses a total of 100% concession: 20% swallowed unconsciously that 'one must obey parents,' 50% defensive reflex to end this atmosphere quickly, and 30% intentional resignation thinking 'it's useless to say anything, I'll just fold'...

"I'm sorry. I won't do it again."
Suppose you output that.

The parent is satisfied, right?

For the child, it's half as intended.
The goal is to escape the atmosphere,
so the other half is the accumulation of distrust toward the parent.

But, on the surface,
the parent disciplined, the child apologized and reflected, and an agreement was reached.
The parent was right, and the child was wrong. That's how it's settled.

And?

The parent develops a misunderstanding that the reality of
"I want my child to grow up to be fine"
has been achieved.
It becomes a distorted sense of confidence.

As the child's intended resignation is repeated, it becomes automated and imprinted in areas they didn't intend. They progress toward the completion of a specification where they give up unintentionally.

Isn't that a harsh world?
We must unravel this structure.
That is what Tanuki's Chemistry is for.

Thorough decomposition and analysis,
extraction of problem points from there,
formulation of solutions,
verification,
good feedback.

It's just running the PDCA cycle deeply.

Tomorrow, as a supplement to this article,
I will write an even easier-to-understand article for members!
(Planned)