Memories Do Not Fade Even Without a Future | Creative Award Impressions
I read Noyagi-san's essay, "When Popcorn Pops." I don't have the confidence to write my impressions without spoilers, so for now, I just want you to read it.
At first, I thought it was a heartwarming story. I also learned for the first time that there is a variety of corn seed called "popping corn." I thought it was a story about growing corn from seeds and eating popcorn. Yet, I wondered why the first line mentioned a place saved on Google Maps.
As I read on, I realized something. This essay has two timelines. One is the timeline of the home-grown corn growing and becoming popcorn, and the other is the timeline of going to the place saved on Google Maps. The anticipation for the popcorn and the trip to Morioka. The description of the sky looking like it might start crying during the trip makes my heart uneasy. Even though it looks like a page from a fun trip, I wonder why I can catch glimpses of anxiety.
After gifting the large harvest of popcorn to a friend from student days, I gasped at the unexpected turn of events. The anxiety that had been drifting in the gaps of the bright and heartwarming essay hit the mark here. The place saved on Google Maps was the temple where U-chan rests. Just as Noyagi-san cried while reading the letter, tears overflowed from my eyes as well.
I'm sure she didn't want to believe it was true. I also have experience losing a friend, and at that time, I didn't want to believe it either. I feel like I understand why she couldn't bring herself to go to the temple. I didn't want to believe it either, so I couldn't visit the grave for a long time.
It wasn't a lie. It was true.
I wish it were a lie. Truly.
I wish it had been a lie.
I couldn't read the scene where she arrives at the temple pinned on Google Maps and her memories burst forth without crying. Like popcorn popping, the memories won't stop. But those memories have no future. The future that should have been spent with U-chan is gone. I remember the feeling of looking at a name carved into a tombstone, but it is carved more firmly than the feeling of not wanting to believe, and it carries a heaviness that must be accepted as reality. Thinking of Noyagi-san's state of mind, I cannot find the words.
But. Even if you can't meet someone anymore, even if you're sad, you have no choice but to somehow get by in that world. Because, you know, we laugh, cry, get angry, and get hungry every single day. We have no choice but to keep going.
U-chan lives on in memories. Carrying those memories, those left behind have no choice but to live on.