What changed after 300 days of posting on note every day.

Yesterday marked 300 days since I started note and began posting every day.
I am surprised at myself that I managed to keep it up this long.

Of course, I relied on scheduled posts during trips and such. But if I had told the me from a year ago that I would post something at almost the same time every day for 300 consecutive days, I am sure she wouldn't have believed it.

I am someone who is bad at consistency and gets bored easily, so why was I able to keep up with note? Let me think about it.

I stopped caring in a good way.

In the beginning, I had so many things I wanted to read and write about that I never worried about running out of ideas.

However, I experienced a slump during the Creative Awards. During that period, jealousy swirled in my heart, and it was truly painful. I lost count of how many times I thought I should just quit if it was going to be this painful.

The reason I didn't quit, even then, was because my competitive nature kicked in. Since this is a hobby I finally found that I enjoy, I didn't want to quit while feeling this way. If I quit here, I would have regrets, and that wouldn't be good for my mental health.

The turning point was this article.

I poured out all my feelings, prepared to lose followers. If people left because of this, so be it. But I felt I couldn't move forward while holding onto those pent-up emotions, so for me, it was an article I wrote with great resolve. To my surprise, the response was huge. I thought it might cause a backlash, but instead, I felt that the emotional distance between me and my followers actually grew closer.

There is something I decided at that time.

It is impossible to write articles that everyone likes.
I will write with the resolve that it is okay to be disliked.

It takes courage to expose your inner self. There are times when I want to put on a front. But I chose to stop caring. If I put on airs and write superficial things, I won't be able to keep it up eventually. Am I satisfied with being superficial, or do I want to keep writing? I want to keep writing, so I will bare my heart. Some people might find it unpleasant, but that is all part of me too. As a human, I have both light and shadow.

There were times when I wondered if writing this way meant I was leaving my readers behind. I still think that sometimes. However, my note started as a form of self-expression. Basically, it is me talking about myself. There are only a handful of helpful information posts. If I had to mention anything useful, it would be sharing books I've read or writing about things I tried that worked out.

Even though it is such a carefree note, I have been fortunate enough to have my work picked up by the official note team and SmartNews.

I can imagine that there are people who see that spotlight and feel jealous. I also feel envious when I see the shining aspects of others. What I feel toward others is surely what someone else is feeling toward me. It would be a lie to say that being the target of jealousy doesn't hurt. But being the one who is jealous is more painful and drains your energy.

Feeling painful because I envy others.
Having the desire to celebrate other people's happiness.
It is all the real, honest me.

The small-minded me who cannot acknowledge the greatness of others, and the me who doesn't want to admit to my own miserable parts—it all adds up to me. If I am writing note for self-expression, I should stop looking away.

In a sense, note is my record.
It is not a diary, but it is my heart itself.

That is precisely why I want to cherish this place and continue to have a long relationship with it. If it starts to become a burden on my heart, that would be a problem, but because it is an important place that supports me, I want to keep going.

By continuing with note, my mental state has been significantly strengthened. Compared to 300 days ago, my mental flexibility must have improved at least a little.

Writing, reading, and gaining insights.

My physical strength and memory may be declining, but I feel that my way of living has become much easier. I learned how to let go in a positive sense, and by accepting my own rough, uneven edges, I have become able to be my true self.

It is all thanks to continuing with note.

I am glad I had note.
That is why I will continue (even if it might not be every single day).

If you are okay with me as I am, I would be happy if you would continue to keep me company.