[Friend Edition | ep43] I had known all along—the things I had been trying not to see

Ever since what happened with M-chan,
I had been struggling with whether or not to talk to my other friend,
S-chan.
She is a dear friend with whom I have been close for nearly 10 years,

along with M-chan.
Since S-chan changed jobs,
the opportunities for the three of us to meet had decreased,
but our children are in the same grade.
I was held back by the hesitation of whether it was okay to consult her about a mutual friend.
On the other hand,
I had been having my senior, E-san, listen to me little by little.

Between work and in casual conversation,

bit by bit.
I couldn't tell her everything,

but I think I managed to keep myself together by having someone listen.
I had a habit

when I was troubled.
Whenever I sought advice from someone in the past,
I could never open my mouth while I was in the middle of the turmoil.


Because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to control my emotions,
and that I would end up crying and causing trouble for the other person.

I could only talk about things after I had processed them to some extent
and turned them into a 'story of the past'.
However, this situation with M-chan

was too heavy and too painful
to carry alone.
Was I wrong?

Should I have actually supported her?
Without knowing the right answer, the ground beneath my feet was crumbling.


I made up my mind
to tell everything to S-chan, who knows both M-chan and me well.
When I contacted her, she immediately

flew over to me.
At a nearby Starbucks.

Amidst the aroma of coffee,

S-chan got angry at M-chan as if it were her own problem,
and stood by my heart.
And as we talked,

I learned an unexpected fact.
The reason for S-chan's behavior, which I had thought

was because she couldn't meet us due to her job change,
had a different reason.
'You know, I had been feeling uncomfortable about it for two or three years,' she said.
S-chan
said clearly.

'During summer vacation, she would leave her children, who were already a handful, at softly's house, and go off somewhere herself.
Every week, she would eat dinner for the whole family

and leave only 500 yen behind.
Being innocent is one of her good points, but to me, it just looked like she was using softly. I didn't want to see that, so I avoided the three of us meeting up.'
Hearing those words, I

felt strangely convinced.

Things I hadn't been able to see.
No,

I was finally made to realize the true nature
of 'the things I had been trying not to see'.
Even after that, S-chan always stayed by my side
and continued to support me as I wavered.

And, from that day at Starbucks onwards,
the way I saw the events surrounding M-chan began to change little by little.

Thank you for reading this far.

In this place, I am leaving behind the events that have happened and my days with my children, putting them into words little by little.

If you would like—
There is also a self-introduction page where I have written about the background I have walked, and a page that summarizes my articles so far.

▶ Nice to meet you (Self-introduction)

▶ Article List (Site Map)

I would be happy if you could read them at your own pace, starting with the ones that match how you are feeling at the time.