[High School Entrance Exam: My Son | ep14] Feelings That Couldn't Be Put Into Words

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After reading the message from the special needs support teacher,

I was thinking about it.

My son,

"Mornings are tough,"

he never once said that to me.

He would get in a bad mood.

He wouldn't answer.

He would make a dissatisfied face.

However,

he never put the real reason into words.

When I realized that,

I remembered those words my son would say

whenever the topic of entrance exams came up.

"It's a pain."

Those words he would spit out mixed with anger.

I,

I wondered what was such a pain.

Why wouldn't he try to talk about it?

That's what I thought.

But,

when I sat down face-to-face with him,

trying not to be swallowed by his anger,

what my son was carrying

wasn't "it's a pain."

"High school is scary."

"I might not be able to make friends."

Those were his feelings.

Behind the "it's a pain"

was anxiety about a world he hadn't experienced yet.

I happened to

be able to hear those feelings.

And this time too,

through the special needs support teacher,

I was able to know the feelings behind my son's words.

People,

the words that come out of their mouths aren't everything.
Even though it's obvious,

I thought so again.
At that moment,

it suddenly occurred to me.
Wait.

Maybe I was the same.
Lonely.

Painful.

I want help.

How many times have I been able to put those things into words?

It's no use saying it.

Thinking that,

I stay silent.

I lose my energy.

My sighs increase.
I can't smile.
But somewhere in my heart,
I wondered if they would notice.

That's what I thought.

"I want you to understand without me saying it."

I always thought


that was what I was thinking.

But it was different.
It wasn't that I wanted you to understand without me saying it.

It was so painful I couldn't put it into words.

That's why,

I wanted someone to notice.

Even though I should have been watching my son,

what came to mind
was myself back then.