Wavering, and Yet—Morry Seminar 1-on-1 Individual Dialogue (Final Session)
I am smyle, an elementary school teacher. I serve as the grade head for the first graders.
At 6:00 AM on August 1st, the final 1-on-1 individual dialogue of the Morry Seminar took place.
It was a morning shortly after summer vacation had begun. Morry-san reached out, saying, "I want to wrap things up properly at the end," and gave me 60 minutes. It was a time to slowly put these past four months into words.
(Click here for the article on the 4th Morry Seminar 1-on-1 individual dialogue ↓)
April, May, June, July—What happened in the first semester?
"Looking at the first semester as a whole, how was it?"
The dialogue began with that question. To answer honestly—I have the feeling that there were big waves.
Especially in May and June, it was a period when I realized once again that my own composure and fatigue were linked to the quality of my interactions. I knew in my head that such things happen, and I'm sure it had happened before. But this time, because I was spending time in the seminar with Morry-san while facing my own words and way of interacting, I could see it even more clearly. The moments where I realized, "Oh, it's showing in my words," increased.
However, because I had these opportunities to stop and reflect, I was able to put on the brakes or make adjustments when I felt, "This current feeling isn't good," or "It would be better to do it this way." And by July, I felt like I had regained my sense of self. I was able to end the first semester with the feeling that I had improved toward the end, by listening to the children's voices again and valuing the time we spent thinking together.
Morry-san said this to me:
"Even if something happens, I think you are already moving forward enough. You feel distressed because you are trying to cherish what you want to cherish. But you are reflecting on it properly, aren't you?"
Wavering is not a failure. Being aware of the wavering itself means you are already moving forward.
When I released what I had been bottling up
"In these four months of listening to children's voices, what kind of voices did you hear?"
It is difficult to list specific words. But what I felt once again was—first graders are just so honest. They say things exactly as they are. That is precisely why I had a strong sense that by me doing all the talking, I had been bottling that up.
When I had some leeway in the unit progress in July, I tried entrusting things to the children, saying, "Why don't you try doing this yourselves?" Their lively appearance at that time remains in my memory. When you release their words and their ways of learning, they truly move with vitality. In addition to providing forms and structures, it is precisely because there is room to entrust things to them that children begin to move with vitality—I want to carry that feeling into the second semester.
Where to return to when you waver
When asked when I felt most shaken during the first semester, what came to mind was the moment I felt the pressure that 'as a first-grade homeroom teacher, I must be seen by those around me as someone who properly manages the class.'
The children had gotten used to the environment and started to express their own personalities. Originally, that should be a good thing. But at the time, the gaze of others got in the way, and there were moments when I would say things like 'You need to say this' just because I felt I had to. Furthermore, during a period when work overlapped with personal circumstances, I reached my capacity, and the resulting strain affected how I interacted with the children—that was what May and June were like.
During our dialogue, Morry shared his own practice of making daily reflection a system. He writes in a spreadsheet using +, -, and →. Since he is too tired to write at night, he wakes up at 5:00 AM to do it. When it is difficult to write in words, he makes it so he can choose from a pull-down menu, continuing in a way that is not burdensome.
Listening to him, I remembered that I had also been doing this every weekend. Based on the 'audio record' of the words I spoke in the classroom for the week, I reflect with AI, centering on the questions that came up in the seminar. I organize things objectively while asking myself, 'How was this week compared to the question from last week?' Morry said this after hearing that.
'In terms of this seminar, I think there are things you will see if you always keep 'listening to the children's voices' as a question. It is excellent that you are able to reflect objectively with that as your axis.'
Continuing to reflect creates a place to return to when you are wavering. Without a system, things just pass you by.
Things I want to see in the classrooms of kindergartens, nursery schools, and elementary schools
I have something to look forward to during summer vacation. Next week, I will be visiting the preschools the children attended.
This semester, during the collaborative training between kindergartens, nursery schools, and elementary schools, I had the opportunity to hear about the kinds of interactions the preschool teachers have. They said, 'Please come and visit sometime,' so I decided to actually go.
What I want to see is how they call out to the children and the sense of distance when a child is having trouble. That is exactly where my own awareness of the issues lies. Morry said this to me.
'I think your resolution will expand tremendously when you actually go to observe. It would be good to go and observe with questions from various perspectives, focusing on scenes where dialogue is valued.'
The children come to elementary school with the experience of dialogue they have built up at their preschools. Building a lesson while knowing that experience is completely different from not knowing it.The perspective of 'connecting' rather than 'teaching' might change how I structure my lessons.
Second Semester Question—Searching for 'Learning That Can Be Entrusted'
When asked what I wanted to explore during summer vacation, one question that came to mind was, 'What is learning that can be entrusted at the current stage of the first grade?'
When I entrusted them with math in July, voices saying 'Math is fun' and 'I like math' emerged. Even in learning hiragana and katakana, I tried the entrance to self-regulation little by little. Kanji learning will begin after summer vacation. How can I carefully connect the feeling of the children moving their own learning forward there?
Where and how can I create the space to entrust them? I want to enter the second-semester classroom with that question in mind.
Through this time, I felt once again that there are things you notice while reflecting over these four months. Stopping to put into words things that might otherwise pass by—that in itself became the strength to move forward.
Finally, to Mori-san. Thank you so much for your time and for engaging with me so thoughtfully each session, despite your busy schedule. I would be happy if we could have time like this again someday.