Raising a Son in the Developmental Gray Zone: The Struggles and Anxieties Leading Up to Now [Series Introduction]

Good evening! Thank you for your hard work today as well.

This time, I would like to talk a little bit about the
parenting series
that I am hoping to update from now on.

I will talk about it a little.

Originally, the reason I started note was because

“I wanted to lighten the emotional burden of those in similar circumstances to mine even a little bit,”
“I wanted to be a source of emotional support for someone by letting them know that there is someone who has had the same experience,”
“I wanted them to get some hints from my experience.”

I started it with those thoughts in mind.

When I myself was struggling with my son's developmental process, in a land where I knew no one, in an unfamiliar place, during the day, all by myself, I was on the verge of being crushed by a strong sense of loneliness, responsibility, and anxiety.

In the midst of that, when my son was 2 years old, it was pointed out that he had uneven development—what is known as the “developmental gray zone.”

While holding many confusions and anxieties about the future, when I opened social media seeking connection with friends from my student days, there were only sparkling, fun-looking posts...

Back then, everything other than myself looked like it was sparkling, but I couldn't tell anyone about these anxious feelings,

I would hold and soothe my son while crying alone in my room, feeling anxious about his growth process.


If back then, I had been connected with someone in the same circumstances—

If I could have felt even a little bit that there were comrades with the same worries—

With that thought in mind, while remembering the past, I intend to write down my life with my son little by little.

I am by no means doing a clean and wonderful job of parenting.

I myself am immature, and there were many days when I thought,
“Am I not too unsuitable to be a mother?”
“If I were a different mother, could this child have been happier?”

I thought things like that often.
...No, I still think so sometimes.

Even so, the words spoken to me by the city's developmental support staff,


“God entrusted this child to you because He thought, ‘You will be fine.’ So it’s okay,”
and

my son's words,
“I love you, Mommy. You love me too, right, Mommy?”

those words.

Using the kind words spoken to me by people around me as emotional support, I am facing my son today while using trial and error. Such struggles and anxieties, things I couldn't do, things that made me happy, things I was made to realize.
The battle between my son and me until now, and the battle from here on out, if the words that wrote that down could be a support to someone even a little bit, I would be happy.

The battle between my son and me until now, and the battle from here on out, if the words that wrote that down could be a support to someone even a little bit, I would be happy.

The first episode is here ⤵︎