I've stopped denying my weaknesses, pretending they don't exist, and trying to power through everything.

My role model was Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind.

I'm struggling,
I'm tired,
I can't do this anymore,
I want to run away,
I want to disappear.

Until I was about 35, I lived a life where I would suppress those kinds of negative emotions, bottle them up inside, and push myself so hard that I wouldn't even realize I was doing it.

I didn't dislike that version of myself, I thought it was fine, and I always wanted to be a "strong" and "energetic" person.

My role model was Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind, and I wanted to be someone strong, flexible, and all-encompassing like her.

But I've let go of that ideal now.

I gradually realized something.
Behind my struggle with depression was that very way of being: "denying my own weaknesses, pretending they didn't exist, and trying to power through."

I've stopped trying to be Nausicaä.

Just the other day, I turned 40. And I came across this book.

In addition to what I've realized and experienced so far, I've also learned from this book, and now I make an effort to disclose my weaknesses every day.
I'm also exploring ways to create an environment where people around me feel comfortable showing their own weaknesses.

Somehow, seeing weakness makes me feel at ease.
When I understand, 'Oh, this person has been working hard with these feelings, but they're exhausted right now and just can't keep going,' then"Why aren't you trying harder? I'm working so hard!"that kind of anger just fades away.

If someone tells me they're struggling, it's easier to say,"Oh, I see. Well, let's talk about how you can take a break."and that makes it easier to communicate.

Thinking about things like that, I'm working from home today because I'm feeling a bit worn out by the summer heat.

At 40, I'm going to live with my weaknesses fully exposed.

Honestly, I can't believe I've turned 40. It feels like an age that makes me an 'old lady' (laughs). But it's reality. It's a strange feeling. For 39 years, I feel like I've lived with two sides: one that acts skillfully and efficiently, and another that is clumsy, fragile, yet tries to act tough and pushes itself too hard. I feel like I've lived with both.

I think I've pushed myself a bit too hard, so from 40 onwards, I want to live with my weaknesses fully exposed.

In the most relaxed state I've ever been in.
I want to be a flexible person who isn't uptight, who flows naturally, and who can have fun while growing and inspiring others I meet.